Sidney Nnamdi Nwangwu II
Puberty hits some people before life forces the change but in the summer of 2003, life hit George first. He was a young and horny thirteen year-old boy and as was apt to happen, summer apathy began creeping up on him like those fancy vines. One day, while George was playing with some friends, one of his neighbors invited him out to Lake Travis near Austin, Texas. The plan was to slay summer apathy with a little fun in the sun on the water. There just so happened to be a nude beach nearby but no one said that out loud.
George’s parents were divorced and at that time, his mother was in Oregon on vacation, so he was with his dad. George’s dad had a bit of a reckless streak in him at time but even he was a little hesitant with the prospect of leaving his only son with the prospective chaperon. You see, the parent taking them was going to be Harold.
Harold was the forty year-old owner of a hot tub shop that he eventually ran into the ground. Everyone found out he was using a bulldozer of cocaine to destroy his moderately successful business but this was before all that. This was back when Harold was just Focker, like the movie, Meet the Fockers with Robert DiNiro, Ben Stiller and that one generic blonde actress. Focker was a moron and the name stuck for all the times calling him made everyone laugh.
Even at their age, George and the neighborhood kids had their reservations about Focker as an adult much less travelling somewhere with him with no other actual adults. If there was any parent on the street who would have a child die under their care, that parent was Focker. But back then George was a thirteen year-old virgin. An uber-horny thirteen year-old and the chance to see boobs was an event no person with something between their legs could refuse.
Especially during the summer apathy. The very same summer apathy when George stumbled upon that picture of Beyoncé in that diamond fishnet shirt and the jeans.
So despite his reservations, George’s father eventually capitulated after being inundated by his son’s incessant begging. That weekend, George, his friend Matt, Harold’s two sons, Chris and Christian… yes, he named his sons Chris and Christian… all packed into the car. The five of them left Odessa, Texas headed for Lake Travis listening to ‘Crazy In Love’ and ‘Magic Stick’, all the jams because Focker didn’t care about cussing. As they set out, Matt and George put their heads together to see how they could escape and get to the nude beach and see the all glorious boobs in person for the first time. The next few days were going to be a weekend George knew he would never forget.
When the brainstorming session fizzed out, George fell asleep on the road but a bump in the road woke him up before he even realized he fell asleep. When he looked around, George was expecting to see the rolling green fields surrounding the lake but that was almost the exact opposite of what was passing through George’s vision.
The car was driving in an arid and dry area littered with garbage on and beside the road. The buildings were all run down, made of concrete and had the paint of their exteriors flaking off like dandruff. There were unfortunate looking little kids selling goods on the side of the road and pestering traffic to try and buy their wares. Something stuck out in George’s mind but he couldn’t figure out what that something was. He stared in confusion until one small fact became glaringly apparent.
Everyone was Mexican.
George's heart lurched as a wooden sign in the distance came into view.
“Bienvenidos y Acuna!”
After unwittingly being spirited to Mexico, Harold immediately began dragging the four preteens to every bar in town and he proceeded to feed the minors with what had to be every shot in existence. Sex on the Beaches, Buttery Nipples, Fresh Connections and so many more George would never be able to look at a shot glass the same.
Once Focker was done filling the minors up with alcohol, he hailed a cab and loudly asked if the cab driver knew where to get some pain pills. As he spoke, Focker was handing the cab driver some pesos. The cab driver looked around like the sketchiest person in existence and then told them to get in. After being left alone, as drunken minors, in a taxi cab in a country where neither he nor anyone in his group spoke the language with the most suspicious man in existence three separate times, Focker finally came back without cussing up a store.
Three white oval pills slipped down Focker’s throat and he handed the driver a few more pesos, looking at the four of us with a leering smile. He gave the driver very specific directions for where we were going to next. The driver nodded with a chuckle as he made the pesos vanish. He knew exactly where to find Boys’ Town.
After making a few turns down some suspicious streets and mud alleys, the taxi stopped in front of an unassuming building on an unassuming street that curved up one of the unassuming hills of Boys Town. Like most of the buildings in the city, the paint was nothing more than a fond memory but there was loud music thumping from inside the building. A few men teetered and tottered as they continued to lift the bottles to their lips.
Focker got out and ushered the four of them out of the car as he handed the cab driver more pesos which disappeared as though never in existence. He led the four boys inside as he tossed a few more white pills down his throat alongside some blue ones George hadn’t noticed before.
The five of them walked into a filthy rat hole strip club with miserable looking women on the few poles in the room lazily gyrating just enough to be considered dancing. Women in next to nothing walked through the crowds of sitting men surrounding the stages, a few danced on the men while other just bobbed.
Focker didn’t hesitate and went directly to the back of the strip club there were a pair of flimsy doors and he stepped through as confidently as if he owned the place. He never even noticed the two men on the walls who reached for their waists when he came stumbling forward.
On the other side of the flimsy doors, we emerged into a grungy hallway lined with more flimsy doors. Even with all the music and porno blaring all around and in each room, we could still hear the thumping and grunting going on down the hallway. Focker spoke with a man who whistled loudly and spoke in a furious tone.
Focker clapped his hands together and had a huge smile on his face as he turned to George and Matt, asking if they were ready to become men.
Women of all shapes and sizes began filing out of one of the doors and the tired looking women surrounded the five. Some of the women there were actually quite pretty or well-built but there were more than a few who were neither, were quite the opposite in fact.
Matt looked over at George with a stupid smile on his drunken face. George watched in horror when Matt said he would only go through with this if George went through with this. George was thirteen years-old, he was not trying to be the pussy that ruined the fun. That’s when they started looking for who they wanted.
Focker, still grinning wolfishly as he chewed on yet more pills, and his two sons waited while George and Matt made their pick but before they made a selection, tragedy struck.
A disgusting gigantic orangutan of a woman with the arms to match came forward out of the darkness. She must have been at least six foot, two inches, two hundred and twenty-five pounds, easy. A genuine NFL running back in another life with a face and body that couldn’t quite give up the life. She shook the ground as she stomped her way over to us and looked down at us with eyebrows that belonged in a caveman exhibit.
“N’worry. I tek’ car’ of boys.”
Focker erupted in laughter, crying for them to her to be the one but George and Matt recoil in disgust. We pointblank refuse her and the man snaps something in Spanish. With all the ‘pressure’ Matt pointed at a woman George had been eyeing and George blurted out that he wanted her too.
She was actually something of a beauty that would never make to any magazine covers and had obviously seen her fill of her life but she was the cream of the crop that night at the moment. Her name was Maria and when they made their selection, the other women filled away and Focker cheered on George and Matt, spilling bits of the chalky pills onto his shirt.
Maria took George and Matt to one of the dingy rooms in the back. The room was a dirty little square with a cot on one side and a TV playing pornography on the other. George and Matt stood around awkwardly as Maria closed the door. She motioned to the bed as she took her clothes off and George sat down, Matt following soon after.
When she was naked, Maria began taking off George’s shirt and soon the two friends were naked. Maria looked down with a bored face before laying down on the dirty mattress and it was in that room in Acuna, Mexico that George lost his virginity… simultaneously with his friend Matt… to the same woman.
In all honesty, the moment would have been somewhat magical if Maria would have kept from watching the porno blaring on the television with those bored eyes. She was making it embarrassingly obvious that the boys were doing nothing for her.
After the deed was done, George and Matt emerged from the room and we were shocked to find Focker, his two sons gone. At that point, George and Matt were so drunk and so exhausted they didn’t have the energy to go looking for Focker and they were too happy about the previous three minutes to be scared about the absence of the only adult they knew in an entire country.
Apparently, Focker left an IOU so George and Matt sat down with Maria at a burger shack waiting for Harold, hoping that he would come back. George was staring off into space, his mind everywhere and nowhere and Matt was nodding off despite his most valiant efforts. Neither of them knew if Focker had ditched them, because that was just the kind of thing a guy like Focker would do. The two boys just waited patiently while Maria stared off into the night sky.
Twenty minutes pass and a big man in a wife beater with a pot belly and a few gold teeth poked his head out from the building and began screaming at Maria. George could tell the man was calling her back in but he was not sure what for. Maria threw a few pleading words back at the man which seemed to placate him because he went back inside but she then turned to us and spoke to us in her halting English.
“When… he here, bring… dinero...money? Si?”
Matt mumbled something incoherently and George simply nodded his head, not knowing what else to do. Maria smiled a surprisingly dazzling smile before running into the building. George was sure she just had to get back on stage. Surely…
About thirty minutes after Maria went into the building, Focker pulled up out of nowhere in his car with Chris and Christian. He had a confused look on his face as he looked over at George and Matt.
George and Matt stumbled up to the car and when they opened the door, rather than asking after them to see if they were fine after discovering them on a bench in a burger shack, he asked them where Maria went. George delivered the message Maria left and Focker simply checked behind him to make sure the coast was clear.
When George stood there wondering if he should run and get Maria, Focker snapped.
“Well f**k, get in the car let’s go!”
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