Breakfast at Karmuck's Interdimensional Cafe

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Episode 11

The Universe of Teen Vampire Stories Part 7:

Meanwhile back in the uncharacteristically dreary American small town where Laura was left behind in, our poor heroine was left on a seemingly pointless scavenger hunt with no conceivable way of tracking down her objectives.

“Hey Ella what’s up?” a random boy hollered from nearby.

“Holy shit where’d you come from?!” Laura blurted out. “Seriously, are females in this universe functionally blind around stalkers now?” Possibly, though to be fair even I didn’t see that guy coming. “Right, dark clouds, evil demonic influence and that jazz. Say you think you could at least get me to stop stuttering so much? It keeps hitting me at the worst times.” I’m trying. Don’t expect any guarantees though. “Of course.”

“It’s me remember? Jason.” Laura blinked and stared blankly at her new acquaintance, then at her scavenger’s list, then back to Jason.

“Well damn that was easy,” she mumbled. She suddenly put an arm around her new companion and began walking briskly down the street. “Alright buddy old pal, let me tell you what’s going on...”

Roger scowled and tossed the phone back into Alicia’s lap.

“Ugh, I’m terrible at this game,” he said.

“Of course you are. You treat the catapults like straight trajectory cannons when really you should learn to adjust for the non-linear path of your projectiles.” Roger blinked in confusion. “I mean you’re shooting way too low.”

“Do you always have to talk like you memorized a dictionary?”

“Apparently it’s the fashionable rhetoric of many denizens of this universe. I figured if we kept our conversations verbose and convoluted we would stand a better chance of smoothing over the flow of this universe’s timeline and not arouse the suspicions of the Demon too much.”

“Oh right.” A sharp scream and the sound of shattering glass erupted from inside the cathedral.

“Well, looks like we’re in business,” Alicia declared. She stood up and pointed to the colossal front doors. “After you of course.”

Laura nodded patiently while her new companion was breaking down.

“So... my attraction to you, our planned false lead relationship, and my inexplicable inability to keep a shirt on are all part of some sick twisted design?!” Jason stammered.

“Afraid so bud. Now uh... if only I could... uh stop stuttering and pausing... at weird intervals for no apparent reason I’d... explain that I need to head to Italy now and I need that map back,” Laura said.

“Oh, right. Seriously though this explains so much about the shirt thing. I have to buy at least $1000 worth of T shirts every year because some jackass apparently keeps stealing them and stripping me in my sleep.”


“Yeah, the fact that it’s chilly this far north doesn’t help either,” Jason added. He looked down. “Aw come on! I even started the last scene with a shirt on!”

“Got ya covered,” Laura said, tossing him an oversized sweater.

“Thanks, it’s really cold today.”

“Alright, I’m going to Italy. You need anything while I fly off into a foreign country with no adult supervision in spite of the fact that I’m a minor?” Laura stopped herself. “Yeah, there goes the expo speak again,” she mumbled. “Seriously, would you stop with the terrible dialogue inserts? I can talk on my own.” Sorry, I’m just kind of frustrated with how ridiculous this place is getting. “Yeah, I would too if I was omnipotent and suddenly lost all my powers.” For no apparent reason, Laura tripped and fell onto her back. “Oh real fucking mature bro.” I still have powers. “Fan-fucking-tastic. Now just get back to narrating.” Laura got into a car and started the engine.

“And what am I supposed to do?” Jason asked.

“Oh, you just go back to your tribe lands and mope around about your pathetic love life. Then when I come back home with the glowie, you get in a fight with him. Simple enough right?”


“Eh, it’ll all work out. It’s written on the map.”
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