Breakfast at Karmuck's Interdimensional Cafe

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Episode 16

The Anime Universe Part 4:

“Gee, who knew taking down several ton metallic monsters was so easy two girls with katanas could do it?” Laura said as she cleaned her sword.

“And without so much as a dent on our blades,” Alicia added. “If the lives we had in our own universe could be so easy.”

“Probably because some omnipotent jackass decided we had to be miserable for his entertainment.” Hey don’t look at me, there are universal laws I must obey. “Yeah, like trying to kill us every other week.” What do you mean try? I'm omnipotent, for me there is only do or do not. "Whatever Yoda."

“Laura, why are you having a one sided conversation with the sky?” Alicia asked.

“Huh? Oh, uh… I’m religious! Yeah, I was uh praying to my God,” Laura explained hastily.

“Strange, I don’t recall you demonstrating any level of faith or zealotry in any of our earlier encounters.”

“You know, it’s just a private thing. I’ll be in my hut. Alone thank you.” Laura rushed away into her hut, leaving Alicia standing outside to clean her own sword. “And by the way, why the hell did you give Lissy a borderline Spidey sense? That was a close call.” Heh heh, I’m your God. “Yeah and when this is over I’m gonna be a fucking Satanist.” Meh, you’re not even my favorite creation anyway. “Gee, seeing as I’m not the Goddamn- yeah I don’t care who I’m talking to I’m saying it- Goddamn Mary Sue that can fight like Spiderman, angst like Batman, and has the intelligence of Sherlock Holmes, I think I figured that out. Also, you seem to have a weird fixation on her boobs.” Again, that’s this specific universe’s laws, not a lot I can do about that. “Oh fan-fucking-tastic.”

“Great savior of the village, far be it for me to question your faith but… could you be a little quieter? The children are growing restless.” Laura swiveled around to find the village elder standing in her doorway. “Also, the same evil ones who sent the mechas are charging in on foot to confront the village.”

“Right. I’ll get my sword.” Laura flew to her feet, literally, and grabbed her katana. She trudged out to the center of the tiny settlement where Alicia was already in fighting position. Across from her, three bearded men in white trench coats were glaring down at her. The man in the middle, who had massive spiky blue hair and was apparently the leader, stepped forward.

“You have dared to stand against the mighty Kyōryokuna ryōshu…” he began.

“Seriously, where do all these ridiculous names come from?” Laura mumbled. Alicia shrugged. “Also, it’s kinda creepy how still they are while talking. It’s like they were statues with speakers attached to them.” Again, Alicia shrugged in response.

“Are you even paying attention?” the man snapped.

“Not really,” both girls said in unison. “Can we just skip to the fighting?” Laura added. The man’s eyebrows began twitching and his head inflated to a comically large size and glowed red.

“Fine! Be contrarians like that!” he yelled. He unleashed a colossal silver claymore, which he somehow had managed to hide under his trench coat, and charged. Laura and Alicia took out their swords and locked blades with their enemy. However, their blades shattered and both were suddenly flat on their backs, dying for no apparent reason.

“This… makes… no fucking sense,” Laura moaned. “We killed 10 giant... super robots yet one dude with wacky hair... and a giant sword just killed us.”

“It must… be… Rule 48 Subsection 4C: The heroes… must… have a moment of weakness… no matter how disproportionate… the threat,” Alicia gasped. “I hope… you’ve prayed to your God. This might be… the real end.”

“The… hell are you talking... about? It’s never the end. We’re the damn … heroes.”

“I… don’t know… why I said that. Must be the… darker and edgier… segment of our story.” Alicia and Laura both promptly lost consciousness and appeared to die.
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