Breakfast at Karmuck's Interdimensional Cafe

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Episode 17

The Anime Universe Part 5:

Alicia was the first to wake up. She found herself in the middle of a seemingly endless desert.

“Laura?” she whispered. Her companion remained motionless on the ground. “I know you’re not dead you moron so get up. We have a resolution to win.” Laura remained unconscious on the ground. “Oh please, I am not carrying you all the way back to the village.” She was still out. Alicia rolled her eyes. “Fine, I can go and finish the mission all by myself if I have to.” She turned around to leave when Laura moaned softly. Laura was still knocked out cold, but the soft rise and fall of her chest indicated she was still alive. “Ugh, you are very lucky we are in a universe where I have an invincible spine.” Alicia trudged over and picked up her much larger companion and began walking. Thankfully, she was able to walk at speed of plot and arrive back at the village quickly.

“Heroes, thank goodness you are here,” the village elder announced.

“How long have we been gone?” Alicia asked.

“About a week.”

“And you’re all still here.”

“Well… where else would we go?”

“Oh I don’t know, I was expecting for the villains to have subdued you by now.”

“Nah, they only really show up to fight. No real point when you two are gone.” Alicia unceremoniously dropped Laura onto the ground and clenched her fists. Her head blew up to double its normal size and her face glowed bright red, as was typical when anyone in this universe got angry.

“You’re telling me…” she growled. “That you dragged us out here into the middle of nowhere to fight a trivial threat that wouldn’t even bother to show up if we weren’t there in the first place? There are many injustices I will tolerate. I don’t mind being permanently stuck with 3 foot long hair, I don’t mind having bodily dimensions that would kill any human being in my own universe, I don’t even mind being equipped with nothing more than a katana. But I will not stand for being used in a pointless and wasteful exercise like a cosmic toy!”

“Funny thing about that…” Laura mumbled from the ground. “We’re always gonna be a cosmic plaything. That’s the name of the game.” She stood up and dusted herself off. “Oh hey look, bad guy’s back with an army for the final encounter.”

“Already? I can barely remember or even make sense of the plot of our story up to this point. How in the cosmos are we at the final battle already?!” Alicia howled.

“Dunno, must be the fickle ways of the universe. Right bro?” No comment… “You’re no fun.” Just fight already. “You know, you’re whiniest God I’ve ever met.” I’m the only God you’ve met. “Same thing.” Laura unsheathed her katana, which both she and Alicia somehow magically re-acquired in spite of having their weapons shattered just an episode ago. “Let’s kill some bitches.”

“And how are you so sure we aren’t going to be struck down again?” Alicia muttered. Laura raised an eyebrow and cocked her head to the side.

“Bitch, please. It’s the last battle, of course we’re gonna win! Now let’s kill stuff!” She charged straight into the fold. Indeed, it was the last battle, and Laura seemed to be sweeping aside dozens of random mooks with unbelievable ease. Alicia shrugged her shoulders and plunged into the fray. There was much yelling, pointless spinning, and fireworks to be seen. The enemy leader, who somehow had an even larger hairdo than before, could only gape in horror.

“Impossible!” he yelled. “There is no way you could possibly defeat me!”

“Yeah well we’re kinda doing it so deal with it!” Laura yelled. She jumped at least a thousand feet in the air and plunged down with the force of a meteor, killing off hundreds of her foes while somehow not injuring herself, Alicia, or anyone else that wasn’t a random mook.

“Impossible! My finest warriors struck down in one fell swoop!” the enemy leader cried.

“Uh yeah, you keep saying that in spite of how obviously possible it is,” Laura quipped.

“Impossible!”

“You just said that dipshit,” Laura said.

“Impossible!” Laura looked back at Alicia, who could only offer a shrug in response.

“I think he’s broken,” Laura muttered.

“Impossible!”

“I believe he is,” Alicia added. “On the bright side, I think this marks our…”

“NOOOOO!!!!” The man, for no logical reason, blew up and created a small mushroom cloud where he once was, yet still no one else in the vicinity was hurt.

“Yep, definitely busted. Now let’s have a feast.”

“Feast? And just how do you think this tiny village in the middle of nowhere would be able to support your insatiable appetite?” Alicia asked.

“Same way you’re still standing with that huge rack.” Laura pointed to Alicia’s chest.

“Touche.”
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