Breakfast at Karmuck's Interdimensional Cafe

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Episode 19

The Universe of Fanfiction Part 2:

“Hey, so where exactly are we?” Well Billy, right now we’re in a centralized universe where fanfiction iterations of many prominent universe denizens manifest. Sometimes more than one at a time. “Fanfiction? What’s that?” Good question Billy, let’s go see what your friend and sister are up to for an answer. “Okay.” Alicia, Laura, and William stumbled onto a concrete walkway and looked around them. It was a well kept urban park with plenty of grass and space for recreation.

“Well, this reminds me of the time we had to find you a mate just to escape back to Karmuck’s,” Alicia said. William stared at his sister in befuddlement. “Again, it’s a long story.”

“So Lis, you’re the smart one. What’s our escape route this time?” Laura said.

“I… don’t know,” Alicia replied. “I have no idea what it is about this universe but I can’t find any discernible ends or objectives that could get us out of here. Though if I were to… is that glitter in the air?” Alicia looked up and noticed a thin trail of pink glitter floating around in the air above her.

“Oh hell no, if I never have to see another glowie again it’ll be too soon,” Laura said.

“No, I don’t think it’s from a glowie. They may have been sparkly but they weren’t pink. Seeing as we have no other leads, we might as well follow the trail.” Laura nodded in agreement. She, Alicia, and William followed the faint trail of pink glitter, eventually reaching a dirty, empty alleyway. At the end of the alley was a rather peculiar sight: a slender young teenage girl. Her glowing silver hair was brushed neatly over her shoulders, and in spite of her bowing position, the trio could clearly see the glow from her chromatic eyes.

“Hey, who are you?” William hollered. Wait Billy… “Huh?” You wanted to know what a Mary Sue is right? You’re looking at one right now. “Oh… How is she a Mary Sue?” Well Billy, the character in front of you has some very unusual hair and eye color. “Yeah…” In addition, she seems unusually young and well groomed to be out in such a stereotypically dangerous area all by herself for no discernible reason while looking like she’s prepared for a beauty pageant. Now take a chance to observe this dangerous predator in action.

“I don’t really think she’s interested in holding a conversation,” Alicia noted. Just then, an average looking man was walking on the street just outside the alley when he caught sight of the strange girl. Immediately, almost impossibly, he diverted and ran to the girl, kneeling down to check on her while completely ignoring the three bystanders watching the spectacle.

“Are you alright?” the man asked. “What’s your name? Do you have parents?” In all this commotion, William in particular couldn’t help but stare slack jawed as a seemingly ordinary man devolved into a doting caretaker for a complete stranger.

“Uh why is the man randomly helping her?” That, Billy is the Mary Sue’s primary prey: the unsuspecting male. Now some of the more dangerous breeds will hunt females too but in general, it is recognized that males are the universal prey. “But then how am I still standing here? I was here first.” Well Billy, that would be because you, your sister, and Laura are from a very young and vibrant universe, safe from the invasive tendrils of the Fanfiction universe. This universe, which expands at an alarming rate, absorbs and assimilates anything and everything that it touches. Sort of like the Zerg… “The what?” Nothing Billy. Nothing. Now let’s watch the grisly finale…

“Oh, my name’s Luna Serenity Dyana,” the girl chirped cheerfully. “My mother died giving birth to me, my dad abused me emotionally, physically, and sexually. I am an empath with the ability to read the emotions of others and have used this power to survive in this cruel cruel world.” The girl’s continuously cheerful tone made her quite creepy.

“You know what, that name was way too long for me to remember. I’ll just call her LSD from now on,” Laura mumbled.

“As will I,” Alicia replied.

“Oh you poor thing,” the man said. He took LSD under his arm and guided her out to the street. “I’ll take you in until you can get back on your feet.” The two proceeded to walk away until they were out of sight.

“Well, that was certainly educational. Let’s go, I think we have a new objective,” Alicia said. Her two companions nodded their heads in agreement.
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