Breakfast at Karmuck's Interdimensional Cafe

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Episode 24

The Universe of Fanfiction Part 7:

“Alright bro, I’m ready to be resurrected.” Wait Laura, I’m not finished explaining. When you return to the mortal realm, you have a job to do. “A job?” Yes, my job. “What the fuck?” When you go back to the world, you will be endowed with all my powers and abilities. “But… why?” Laura, you’ve been whining and complaining to me about how I always mismanage and make you suffer. Well, let’s see you do better. Now before I send you off, there are a couple ground rules that I have to tell you about first though. “Lay it on me bro.” First, you can’t tell anyone you’re God or any variation thereof. You’re not a Mary Sue; you’re not built for that kind of attention. “Ick, good point. Next?” You can’t kill or through negligence, let your actions be the death of anyone. “So if some dumbass accidentally offs himself?” That’s not your problem. And last, you can’t affect free will… unless you’re dealing with a Mary Sue in which case… screw them. Do whatever the hell you want with them. “Hold up… if I’m going to have your job, what the hell are you going to do?” I am taking a much needed vacation. Make sure you don’t destroy the Cosmos while I’m gone. “Sweetness. When do I start?” Right about… now.

Laura hovered gracefully before her feet finally touched down. She was in her usual street clothes and was otherwise unremarkable. Taking a step forward, Laura frowned when she heard splashing below her. She nearly yelped when she realized she was in fact, standing on water.

“He wasn’t kidding…” she mumbled. Laura began tap dancing on top of the pool before she looked up to notice a growing crowd of bewildered spectators watching her. “Shit…” She clasped her hands together and fidgeted for several seconds. She raised her right hand in front of the crowd and emitted a bright white flash in front of everyone. “Alright, go back to your business and forget that there ever was a strange looking woman dancing on top of a pool. She was never here and you guys are all on way too much booze.” Laura tiptoed onto the edge before the crowd began to snap out of their trance. A little boy blinked a few times and stared at a nearby beverage bottle. “Well damn, that was easy.” Laura began walking out of the pool facility and noticed two well built men wrapped in towels walking past her. She raised an eyebrow and waved an arm towards them. Sure enough, the winds obeyed her hand and blew the towels straight off the men’s bodies, exposing their goosebump lined torsos. “Ooh la la. I saw and it was good,” Laura whispered to herself with a smile.

Laura paced leisurely down the street, looking into shop windows and whistling to herself. She stopped in front of a Victoria’s Secret shop and stared at one of its advertisement posters.

“Hmm, I could do way better” she mumbled. “Watch… this.” Laura spun around and spread her arms out to flaunt her appearance. Her previously unkempt hair was brushed into luscious, flowing blond locks resting neatly over her shoulders. Her relatively plain, clear face had become a veritable canvas of makeup and lipstick, creating the perfect image of beauty under the sunlight. Even her plain outfit was now a lacy, new top and slick pants with matching shoes. She smirked at the poster. “Bitch please, I’m sex appeal incarnate.” She strutted down the street, brushing her hair back with such finesse that a nearby jogger quite literally fainted. “Now for a nice little accessory.” She stepped onto the curb and looked around. Sure enough, a parked Lamborghini appeared directly in front of her. Laura reached into her pocket and pulled out the keys. She revved up the engine and launched out into the street. With a wave of her hands, all the cars in front of her conveniently swerved out of her oath. “Outta the way traffic, VIP coming through.”
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