Breakfast at Karmuck's Interdimensional Cafe

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Episode 26

The Universe of Fanfiction Part 9:

“Billy? Is that you? What are you doing hiding in a gutter?” Laura knelt down towards William, who was crouched down in a gutter away from view of the streets.

“My sister’s gone crazy. She’s brainwashing people to join her army to take over the world!” he cried.

“Yeah, I noticed. When did this start?” Laura asked.

“About 6 hours after you died. Say, how’d you get back?”

“God sent me back, that’s how.” William stared and blinked at her in confusion. “Long story.”

“Yeah I’ve been getting that a lot lately. Seriously though, Alicia’s started a witch hunt for anything that could resemble a Mary Sue. It’s getting crazy, they’re just hauling people off at random for no real reason.”

“Come to think of it, there were some yahoos holding up her face like an idol that came at me. I chased them off with my skills though so it’s cool. Anyway, wanna go get something to eat? I’m starving.” William blinked at her. “You know, I think I see a great place across town. Let’s go.”

“Uh shouldn’t we be worrying about my megalomaniac sister?” he asked.

“Pff, the world’s still turning. We’ve got plenty of time. I have everything under control,” Laura said. “Literally,” she whispered to herself. With a snap of her fingers, Laura successfully teleported herself and William to an upscale looking restaurant in an affluent part of the city.

“Uh, I don’t think we have the clothes or money…”

“We do now,” Laura said. Sure enough, both she and William were now dressed in exceedingly fine clothes and groomed like two very affluent citizens.

“Okay that is creepy. How do you keep doing that?”

“Doing what?” Laura asked innocently. She stepped into the restaurant. “You coming?”

“Yeah I guess…” A waiter guided the duo to an elegantly decorated table in a private booth and handed them two menu pads. “Oh my God…”

“You can just call me Laura.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Do you see the prices here? How much money…”

“More than enough Billy, just point and order, I’ll take care of the bill.” Laura gazed over the menu and set it down once she had made up her mind.

“What did you rob a bank?”

“Nope. Just stop being such a worrier and live it up for a bit. I got this. Waiter! We’re ready.”

Within five minutes, far faster than usual for the restaurant, the table was laden with half a dozen gourmet entrees and with the waiter showing up with more.

“How are you going to pay for all this?” William exclaimed. “This is probably $300 worth of super expensive food.”

“Relax will ya Billy? I got this,” Laura said. Defying all laws of physics, she shoveled several pounds of expensive food into her mouth within several short minutes, giving little heed to any semblance of etiquette or dignity. “So how about this universe huh? Isn’t it awesome?”

“Yeah, if hiding in a ditch to avoid getting eaten by a Mary Sue is your definition of awesome…” William muttered.

“Eh, come on. Live a little. Back home I got shot at for a living, this is nothing.” Wiping her mouth with a bib, she beckoned a waiter to bring the check. “Huh, $473. I was expecting more. That’s actually a pretty good bargain.”

“Yeah, seeing as you ate enough to supply a soup kitchen for a month, it is.”

“Aw, I love you too,” Laura drolled sarcastically. Out of thin air, she pulled out a green credit card and gave it to the waiter. Raising a curious eyebrow, he took the card and swiped it on a portable machine. The machine hummed and even vibrated for a second before the balance tab simply returned with an infinity sign.

“Uh… thank you ma’am,” he stuttered. Laura smiled back and wrote down $1,000 in the tip section. She had to cover her mouth to hold back a smirk when the waiter’s eyes grew to the size of saucers. “You’re far too kind your… your majesty.”

“Ah, life is good,” Laura sighed. William blinked several times at the ludicrous numbers on the bill and looked up.

“What’s going on?”

“Agh! You don’t have to yell at me, I’m right here,” Laura replied.
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