Breakfast at Karmuck's Interdimensional Cafe

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Episode 27

The Universe of Fanfiction Part 10:

Laura yawned and lifted herself out of her fancy silk lined bed. She stretched her arms out over her head and jumped out of bed. Her pajamas instantly converted into comfortable street clothes.

“Alrighty, time for a little relaxation music.” There was a knock on her door. She opened it with a distant swipe of her hand. “Slim Shady! How you doin homey?” The rapper patted her on the back as if she was his oldest friend, quite probably because Laura retroactively changed history to make it so.

“Yo girl, I just wanted to give you a full CD full of literally every rap I’ve ever done to my #1 fan is all. Now you gotta surround sound system in here for me to give you a private live performance?” Laura looked around the bedroom, which was now a massive home entertainment system with the latest surround sound technology.

“Hell yeah!” And so Laura spent the morning gushing over her favorite artist while he personally performed just for her.

Laura stepped out of her newly conjured mansion with a huge grin on her face. The moment she stepped outside, however, she was suddenly struck with a barrage of incoherent voices and sounds, growing louder and more diverse each second. Laura clutched her head and fell to her knees, struggling to cope. “Make it stop!” She was on the ground, writhing in pain. Suddenly, she found herself standing in a completely blank, white area. “Help!” Hello there Laura. What seems to be the problem today? “What the hell is all this noise? Gah, and I can’t even kill myself!” Good question Laura. As it turns out, godhood isn’t all fun and games. It turns out non omnipotent people pray for all sorts of little miracles here and there every hour of every day, every day of every week. Who do you think has to give a response? I figured now that you’ve had a whole day to get used to the power, you were comfortable enough with omnipotence to handle at least one continent’s worth. “Well can you at least help me figure out how to get the headaches to stop?” You are more than welcome to assemble disciples to delegate to. “I thought you said I can’t tell anyone I’m God.” … Seriously? You can literally conjure new servants from scratch. “Oh… yeah right. Anyway, I’ll be going back now.”

Laura teleported back into a particularly empty part of the desert, far from any civilization, and sighed wearily. “Alright, delegation. The key to good leadership, and as Lord and Creator Almighty I can just make new servants whenever there’s a bind. Now what should they look like…” She clapped her hands together. “That’s it! Let there be 12 angels created in my image!” 12 identical clones of Laura shot out from the original Laura’s chest and lined up in front of their creator.

“Thy will be done oh great Lord and Creator,” one of them said.

“What would you have us do oh Almighty God?” another chimed in. The clones began clamoring and talking over each other, exacerbating original Laura’s headache!

“Enough!” she roared. “As my first edict to you, I want all of you to shut up!” The clones obeyed her. “Also, you really do look just like me. We’ll need to fix that before some cosmic mix up happens. Hmm, how about hair color? Alright, you seven have colors roygbiv for your hair.” The first seven clones immediately gained red, orange, bright neon yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet hair respectively. “You five. Okay time to be a bit creative so I can spot you from a ways... hot pink, polka dot, purple and red stripes, candy cane, and shimmering multicolor.” And Laura’s word immediately came to pass on her five remaining clones. She folded her arms and smiled exultantly. “Alright, now I can actually tell you girls apart. Now my second edict to you all is go forth and answer all prayers in the land!” The candy cane haired clone raised her hand. “Alright yes, you can talk.”

“How should we answer the prayers of thy children oh lord?” she muttered meekly.

“Just say yes to all!” Laura replied. “You guys are now endowed with omnipotence so there shouldn’t be any ‘I can’t’ excuse. Prayer comes, just say yes, no fuss. Now get going, I still have a headache!” The clones bowed and obeyed their creator, dispersing over the globe to carry out her bidding. After this, Laura’s head finally cleared and her migraine faded. “Ah, that’s better. Now to go skydiving like I promised myself. God never breaks a promise after all.”
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