Breakfast at Karmuck's Interdimensional Cafe

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Episode 5

The Universe of Teen Vampire Stories Part 1:

“Well, it seems you’re the main character again, and I’m the taller one of the two of us,” Alicia said exultantly. Laura, once again shrunken down to a measly 5’7 stature and deprived of all her normal muscles, grumbled and folded her arms in protest while sitting down on the grass, her ridiculously girlish pigtails bounced up slightly from the impact.

“Yeah? And how come you get to keep your body as is while I keep getting turned into a Barbie doll?” Laura whined.

“If I were to hypothesize why you keep losing all your muscle mass and height, I imagine it’s due to many of these so called ‘fictional’ universes have an incredibly difficult time hosting a woman who is actually physically imposing. Sure, I’m 5'9 myself, but even then I am within the upper dimensional limits of a ‘proper’ woman and only weigh upwards of 140 pounds. Heavy as that might be by universe standards, this is within reasonable limits to deem me the perpetual ‘homely’ companion to the main female protagonist, who by universal law must always be demure, slight, and subservient to the male sex.” Laura shot Alicia a long, seething glare.

“I hate you...” She looked around. “Wait... where are we? Why do I have pigtails? And why are we at a high school?” Alicia blinked and looked over her shoulder. Sure enough, behind them was a campus of a sprawling public high school the size of a small town.

“Lovely, what page did you teleport us into? I thought we were going vampire hunting!” Alicia growled.

“We are! Or at least I thought we were. I dropped us in... I think page 2443: The Midnight Saga by some chick named Melanie Snyder.” Naturally, Alicia smacked her palm to her forehead, or rather the part of her mask covering the region, and pointed down to her black armor clad body.

“You simpering buffoon, you dropped us in the Teen vampire story section! What are we going to do in high school? I have enough silver edged weapons integrated into my suit to murder every student in this entire campus! I am not going to waste my time running from the police the entire time I’m in here.” Alicia looked down at her companion. “Of course, a high school setting does offer an alternative explanation for your diminished stature. You look like you’ve de-aged 6 years. From the looks of it, you’ll have to go into the school alone while I communicate with you via headset. I don’t know what the objectives of this universe are exactly but the school’s our best lead.” Alicia climbed into a nearby tree and tossed Laura a small earphone.

“Lissy, I don’t know if I told you but when I went to high school in my own dimension, the only way I survived was beating the shit out of anyone that gave me trouble. This time... only thing that’ll happen to me is get beaten up myself,” Laura said.

“Don’t worry, you’re the main character. I highly doubt anyone will do anything other than adore you, even if literally all you do is walk around looking like a mouth breathing moron with the social grace of a sloth.”

“Thanks...” Laura deadpanned. The sound of school bells echoed throughout the campus.

“Just get in. I’m sure a plot hole will somehow allow you to integrate into the student body without being noticed.”

“A what?” Alicia had already vanished from her sight. “Seriously? What’s with the whole dematerializing act?!” Alicia leaned down from the tree with a devilish smile on her face.

“Actually, that was just me making an exit. Now hurry up, class is about to start.”
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