Breakfast at Karmuck's Interdimensional Cafe

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Episode 6

The Universe of Teen Vampire Stories Part 2:

Laura sat down in her drab, cold desk. She was still somewhat miffed that her vampire hunt was somehow replaced with a high school story.

“Having fun?” Alicia’s sarcastic voice rang in her ears.

“You’re welcome to take off that combat suit and join me,” Laura hissed.

“No thanks, I obtained all of my education from highly qualified teachers in premium academies, public schools are not my domain.”

“Snooty little rich brat...” The sound of an old, decrepit man in the front of the class clearing his throat, or rather trying and coughing like a leper, forced Laura to sit up in attention.

“Good morning class. Today we will be...” Laura quickly tuned out the dull lecture being spouted from the other side of the classroom, she had a feeling grades weren’t the objective of this universe.

“Yeah, boring shit isn’t it?” Laura mumbled. She turned to a neighboring boy, a very pale boy with extremely pale and ice cold skin, his body having the firm density of stone. He had dark, purplish circles under his eyes, as if he was always tired. His angular face evoked images of the mythically beautiful Greek god Adon... “Yo narrator. Ease up on the descriptions, we fucking get it already; he’s gorgeous in a creepy dead eyed way.” Sorry it’s not me, this universe is really messing up my rhetoric. “Just narrate the damn story, no need to grab the thesaurus.” Ahem... Laura turned to the neighboring boy and nudged him on the arm. “Yo, what’s your name?” The boy looked at Laura and made a repulsed face at her. He turned away from her, almost as if resisting some supernatural force. “Whatever dipshit, be antisocial.” Laura shook her head. “Yeesh, is this some sort of reverse dimension where the men are jackasses?” … Nah, I think it’s just him. “You think?! Wait a sec I thought you were supposed to be omnipotent!” Yeah well... a dark and powerful force of some sort is clouding my vision... or something like that... Just, let’s move on with the story. Ahem... before the boy could respond, a loud school rang throughout the school.

“Class dismissed,” the old teacher croaked.

“Man, if only my actual high school classes were this short...” Laura mumbled. She slung her backpack over her slender figure and trudged out into the hallway, only to freeze. She had no idea where to go now. As if her thoughts were plainly audible, a random boy walked up to her and prodded her.

“It’s lunchtime. You look new, I’ll show you the way.” With nothing better to do, Laura followed the strange boy down the hall, through the sea of other students, and into the cafeteria.

“What did I tell you? Your main character power wins you loyalty, no matter how stupid you act,” Alicia said through the earphone.

“Yeah... say what’re you doing?” Laura whispered.

“I knocked out some stalking weirdo with glitter all over his skin,” Alicia replied nonchalantly.


“I am quite serious; the second he made the mistake of stepping into sunlight, he started sparkling like a disco ball. It was all too easy to target him with a tranquilizer dart.”

“Weird...” As Laura sat down at a seemingly empty table, she soon found herself surrounded by random, friendly strangers. “Weirder...”

“Hi, my name’s Tyler. What’s your name?” one of the boys asked. Laura blinked several times in astonishment.

“Yo narrator, is this the Twilight Zone or something? Last time I checked, newbies aren’t very popular, especially in an actual high school.” Sorry, the dark forces are still clouding my otherwise omniscient vision. I think so though. “Some help you are...” Laura tried to keep a well mannered smile on her face to hide her growing anxiety. “Uh... Lissy? Could use a little help here. Got any extra darts up your sleeve?” she whispered.

“Sorry, I still look like an unholy vampire killer. I am not setting foot on a public education campus at the moment. You’ll have to improvise,” Alicia responded. Laura blew into her bangs in frustration and tightened her artificial smile.

“I’m...” She froze. “Hey, help a sista out right now. I need a pseudonym.” What’s wrong with your name? “I don’t think giving random strangers my real name’s a good idea.” Okay, how about um... Ella? “You gotta be joking.” I can run the random name generator again... “No no, it’s cool. Just sounds bland is all.” Laura kept her face down to avoid eye contact while answering. “Ella, you can call me Ella.”

“Oh, nice to meet you Ella,” one of the girls nearby said. As the students clamored around their new object of affection for no discernible reason, Laura leaned as far back into her chair as possible and mumbled into her earphone.

“Help me.”

“Ella? Really? What kind of idiotic buffoon gave you that name?” Alicia hissed over the earphone.

“Just help me find a way outta here already!” Laura growled.

“Alright. In about 2 minutes the bell will ring and the masses will pour into the hallways to mill back into their incomprehensively short classes. You can utilize the same plot hole you used to sneak in to leave without procuring any tardies or absences to escape the school and find the front entrance. Turn right and walk two blocks, you’ll find me in the abandoned warehouse.”
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