Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copy left
You can read our best books
Eric McFarlane would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Seline and the Seance

By Eric McFarlane All Rights Reserved ©

Humor

Seline and the Seance

It was Senga’s idea. “D’you fancy going to a séance, Seline?” she said.

She’d seen it in the paper, just below the ad for the new carpet shampoo - Madam Pommefrit will perform a guided séance on Tuesday night, it said. Donation requested.

Senga’s my best friend and she’s like that, impulsive. She just gets an idea into her head and its got to come out somewhere. She has too much in there I reckon. I remember the lady who took the cookery class we went to last year said that Senga was fairly clever and she should have known; she was a teacher cookery lady after all. In fact I found out later she was a lecturer so that proves it, doesn’t it? About Senga I mean. She’s always telling me to do this or do that and not do other things what I want to do but I don’t mind, she’s not bossy, it’s just her impulsivosity coming out. Anyway I said that yes I would like to go to a séance, and what was a séance anyway, and would there be snacks? So she told me all about séances and it seems it’s about people contacting their relatives and friends who’ve gone over to the other side so that they can ask them questions about what its like over there and whether they’re happy or not and even who’s going to win at the gee-gee's. Fantastic I thought, I can ask about Mam.

I miss Mam such a lot since she left us. It happened so suddenly, one minute she was sitting in her chair by the fire stuffing her pipe with shag and the next there she was - gone. It’s not been the same since. All the family miss her especially Uncle Bill. Mam told me he wasn’t my real uncle but I always call him that just the same for respectfulness. When I was littler he used to come round Friday nights for his ‘little bit of cheddar’ although I don’t know where he found it ‘cos I like cheddar and I couldn’t find any in the fridge. I said he should try some of Tesco's brie for a change but he just looked at me kind of funny and asked what I was doing Sunday.

The séance thing was at 7pm so Senga and I had an early dinner then she had a quick drag on one of her big black cigars, “Just to settle me innards like” she said, and we got the bus in good time.

I was sure it would be in some fancy hall but it turned out to be in a block of flats off the high street. It was up two flights of stairs and there was a big man holding a box at the door. “Donations, ladies,” he said and rattled his box under Senga’s nose. I could have warned him that it was a bad idea. Senga does not like having boxes rattled under her nose as the Salvation Army gentleman would tell you, if he could. And in addition to the rattling with the box he sounded very rude.

Senga pulled herself up and looked him in the eye, or she would have done if he hadn’t been ten feet tall, but she did stare up his nostrils very fiercely. She told me about them later, “It was like a bloody jungle in there,” she said.

Anyway the man stared down at her and she said, “What?”

“I said donations, darling,” he said, and rattled his boxy again.

“I understood that this was a free event,” she said all posh like. She can go very posh when she wants.

He stared at her down his nose and bent over a bit like he didn’t believe she was really there. “It is free, that’s why I’m looking for donations, dear.”

“So these donations are voluntary then, son?”

“Yeah, voluntary, right.”

“Good, well me and my friend here choose not to volunteer.”

He made a growling noise in his throat but right that minute a couple appeared at the top of the stairs, the man dropped a tenner into the box and the big guy smiled at them. Senga grabbed my arm and pushed me through the door behind the couple as they went in.

It wasn’t a very big room and it was almost dark with the curtains drawn. There were about twenty chairs and at the front a small table. There were three or four people there already and Senga and I sat at the back.

It was almost sixteen and a half minutes later when a lady appeared at the table. I say appeared but I wasn’t actually looking when she did on account off I was listening to one of Senga’s long stories about her dentures so I can’t be sure that she didn’t just walk in through a door but all of a sudden, there she was.

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I am Madame Pommefrit your guide for our journey tonight. I say journey....”

“You’re late.” I called over to her.

She looked up. “What? Excuse me?” she said.

“I said you’re late.” I was just worried that she might not realise she was late and maybe run over her time or something and not be back home to read her kids their bedtime stories.

“Unfortunately, my dear, the traffic was heavy and even I cannot...”

“You can always wake them up. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. For their Mum and all.”

She stared at me for a long time and then shut her eyes for a longer time still. When she opened them she didn’t look at me but made a kind of wavy gesture with her hands.

“Waking them up. That is exactly what we shall attempt to do tonight. It is a difficult path but the spirits are willing if we are. We all have someone we wish to contact, someone dear to us who has passed over to the other side. That question we never asked is forever there in our hearts and tonight you may ask it. Tonight you will ask it.”

Then she spread her arms out and brought her hands in close to her head. “It is time,” she said, and her voice went all low and whispery.

“I see pain,” she announced. “Real pain. Does that mean anything?” Lots of people murmured. “I hear noise.” More murmurs. “Do I smell smoke?” The lady in front of me let out a gasp. “Yes, smoke there is, and perhaps flames. Could that be right?”

“It’s my Ernie,” the woman screamed. “He died in a fire, last year.”

Madame Pommefrit put her hand up. “Wait... He says how are you? And how are the family?”

“Fine, fine. Tell him we’re all fine, please,” gasped the woman.

“I have my dear. Now is there anything you would like to ask... Oh wait, sorry. He has to go. He’s fading. What was that, Ernie? Oh yes. He says he will return, my dear, and you musn’t worry. He is very happy.” She lowered her head for a moment.

“Wow, that’s incredible, ain’t it Senga?” I said. “I never knew how easy it was to get in touch.”

Senga made a humphing noise which she does when the sport comes on telly. But Madame Pommefrit was talking again.

“And now for some reason I am seeing the sea, a great wide sea.”

I nudged Senga, “It’s Mam. It must be.” I jumped up and waved. “Yes, yes,” I shouted. I could see Madame whatsit’s eyes rolling in her head.

“Wonderful,” she said. “Anyone else? No? Oh well. Do I see waves?”

“Probably,” I said. “It’s the sea.”

Her eyes were shut. “Does the departed have a connection with the sea?”

“Yes you’re right,” I said. “She went on a ship. We all cried when we heard, especially Uncle Bill. He misses his cheddar.”

“A tragedy. Wait... I think... yes, she’s coming through. Ah I see now. It was a terrible loss, the ship went down so quickly.”

“Sorry?” I said

“She wants you to know she didn’t suffer.”

“Well I know she didn’t suffer.”

“One can never be sure.”

“I can so,” I said.

Madame thing was looking quite cross. “Oh really? And how can you be so sure?”

“Well I got a postcard last week.”

She seemed to sway very slightly from side to side. “A postcard? From the dead?”

“Oh she’s not dead, don’t be silly. She writes regular. Doesn’t say much, mind.”

“But you said she drowned.”

“Did not. She just left. I was down the shops and when I got back there was a little note on a piece of paper, pink it was. She said, ‘I can’t stand it no more, Seline. Strains too much, luv, no offence. I’m off somewhere hot. You’ll manage fine but you watch out for Uncle Bill now.’ So I didn’t take offence and I’ve been looking after Uncle Bill. He’s round my bit a lot. Then two weeks later we gets a postcard from Majorca or was it Mexico? I remember it began with an M. Might have been Rome or something. And it said that it was hot and she wished I weren’t there which was fine ‘cos I wasn’t.”

I stopped then because there was a bang what made me jump. Madame Pomme-pomme had just left and slammed the door.

“She is such a rude woman ,” I said to Senga. “I was just explaining.”

“So you were love, so you were.”

And you know all the way back home Senga was he-hawing fit to burst. We had to stop twice so that she could take her puffer. Well if that’s a séance you can keep it. We didn’t even get snacks.

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, Eric McFarlane
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

ianwatson: The comedy is original and genuinely funny, I have laughed out loud many times reading this book. But the story and the plot are also really engaging. The opening two or three chapters seem quite character-dense but they all soon come to life and there is no padding, filling or wasted time readin...

Madison O'Neal: Although the book may be good the grammar is horrid and it's hard to concentrate on the story when having to correct the mistakes of the author I suggest the author go back and correct things to improve the enjoyment of the book overall and the app should proof read things before they are publish...

Sinhala-Kella (aka Scandal Mania): Hey Fazio, I LOVED your story! The bus - I don't watch Grey's but that was vividly shocking! And the last paragraph where you said April was engaged to one man but rushed in to save another. It was sooo cute the way Jackson won April back - there were so many lovely bits - 'Shonda' (LOL!).You nee...

Alex Rushmer: I just want to say that the writing in this is amazing! I read the first couple chapters and was absolutely drawn in by it, The way you use first person in this story is extremely engaging and does wonders with your character development. I immediately had a picture of the characters and plotline...

quonisabailey: I love this book!!! I can't wait for the second one. I wish we had a backstory on foster though. I also wished we know why Mitchell was so dangerous. he seemed like the great reliable friend. anyway good jog with this book and keep up the great work!!

Bloodied_Demon_: I start reading this book over a year ago and i am in love! I followed this author from Wattpad to Radish and now here. she is an amazing writer that makes you feel like you are right there in the book! The people in the book feels so real. I hope and pray that this book becomes a New York best s...

Mona Matthews: I went to high school a while back and was able to revisit it in this book. The emotions, conflicts, and triumphs kept me turning the pages. Who is cool in high school? And what makes them cool? Why do we care? This book blends the turmoils of high school and the turmoils of life with perfect bal...

Ruby0h: Overall I thought your story was really good! It drew me in right away and kept me interested as the story progressed. I loved the character of Kayla being inserted into this story, and the way she affected and shaped the life of the original story into something totally new and interesting. I lo...

JulieJeanette: I'm only on chapter nine, but so far I am loving this story!. I am on pins and needles hoping that they find good men in their lives by the end. I am American and so the British tone and lingo ('knickers,' 'sod it' ) of the book is very appealing. I had to find out how much '12 stone' was by goog...

More Recommendations

info2: Cracking read, enjoyed the different story line and was gripped from start to finish. Looking forward to reading another book from this author.

alyssaleigh01: This book is the first book i read on this app and lets just say i was not disappointed! The story line of this is so amazing. it shows the twists of true friendship and how it can change how you view everything. I finished this book in 2 days and would not stop till i did. Highly recommend!