The Old Funky Rhombus

By RexEynon All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Mystery

Introductions

An excitable voice fades in; Happy and cheerful in tune. Almost melodic. “Hello, hello. And welcome to the story. I’m…”

“What you doing?”

A second voice cuts the fine, artistically brilliant vocals off halfway. It’s a shuddery, half-baked tone. Like your fathers voice after a few glasses of whiskey. The point between his depressing life and his angry rants. You know, the ‘happy’ point.

“I’m not an old man. I’m 23. Can we just carry on with the narration, thank you!?”

The old man continues…

“I’m not… Keep calm, we’ve just started. Right… What you doing?”

“I’m just introducing the readers to the story. Give ‘em a bit of background. Dig up the truths, outline the main characters. You know, a bit of showmanship.”

“Showmanship. It’s not a show. They’re not watching a movie. They’re reading a book. Look you’ve ruined it already. Half of them have probably already left through your muttering. And this berks comments.”

The old man speaks to the all-knowing narrator, yet is wrong to question such a wisdomous, and powerful being.

“Wisdomous. Powerful. You’re both gone wrong. Look, just hurry up and get going. We need to start.”

And with that, the old man exits, needing a zimmer frame to carry the sheer size of his bin-lid sized head.

“I’m not old…”

“Haha. Anyway. While those two are at it, let me introduce us. I’m Ezra Lee Walker, King of the banshees. I know what you’re thinking, banshee’s don’t exists. Well, don’t tell them that or they’ll come at yer like a stampede of vultures. Pecking at your little peepers as you go crying off to the barman. “Help me, help me barman. They’re after my little lion peepers.” Haha.”

“And that guy. He’s well… He gave me a list earlier on his best features. Let’s see.”

Ezra unravels a long, almost never ending scroll that rolls all of the way down, and along the ground a few meters away.

“He’s a poet. Poet extreme he’s wrote. And he’s erm… a dance maestro, electro-pop-punk, the inventor of Hellman’s mayonnaise, Queen of Uzbekistan… What this one, Monkey Duster. Haha. What’s that? He goes around with his little fairy duster, tickling away at gorillas.”

“It’s ‘Monkey Dominator’ you berk.”

“Alright, alright. Well that Monkey Duster is my partner Walter Scum.”

“It’s Wesley Skume. I told you that before. It’s written on the top of my list. Did you even read it?”

“Yeah. I did. Anyway, I was gonna ask. What’s this one? It says that you spent a whole night half naked with a walrus, eating chips as yer…”

“Okay, enough of that.”

Waldo yanks the list from Ezra, ripping it apart as he throws the little pieces to the ground.

“My name’s Wesley!” Wayne cuts in…

“Enjoy the story.”

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Aisleen Silva: I loved this story, when I started reading it I was immediately hooked. I liked the way each character was portrayed especially the Main Character. This story is very good I loved it.

PurpleStar: I like it. I can't wait to read more. They're some grammar mistakes but no one is perfect.

GoldenFlora ☪: I love it! The way it's developed and the characters personalities! As well as the mentioning of Maleficent and Aurora! It's like Sleeping Beauty, but the one that's sleeping is the guy, not the girl.You did a fantastic job writing this!

jsabdael: awesome novel

Oliver Guan: Thanks for all the hard work, Cuppie! I love this and Baked Love series 😍😍 😍

cpishot: I really LOVE this story! It is amazing! I really pulled my heart strings and I had the urge to cry at some parts. The story made my heart melt and I'm so happy I stumbled upon it. I would love to see this be a movie someday! Both characters showed strong personal growth in themselves and I feel ...

Sissi: It's not the first book of yours I read and it won't be the last.I absolutely liked the idea that the narration was through letters/journal entries but still could reveal a lot about the characters of the story. Their emotions were so well represented, described, they came to life while reading.I...

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Lureatha Collier Fairley: I do not like her being human. Can't wait to see what she will turn to next.

JackieJA: It is a really funny book and i would like to read more. If it a finished book I highly recommend writing a second book because it is a really fantastic book.

Dez Jones: Love it the book

#readerforlife: OMG pleeeeeeeease update I have to read the rest this is so great!

Schmonkey Gibbons: It was an emotional roller coaster. The way you made me feel emotionally attached to the characters in a short amount of chapters is amazing.

σтαкυℓιℓу~: it’s amAziNg oH My gOdI love everything.The plot, the personalities, the characters, everythingIt’s all so beautiful and stunning ~

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