The Old Funky Rhombus

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Summary

"Hi, i'm Ezra, a real life detective. Well, at least for this story. We get to solve crimes and stuff. How cool is that!

Genre:
Humor / Mystery
Author:
RexEynon
Status:
Ongoing
Chapters:
3
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
16+

Introductions

An excitable voice fades in; Happy and cheerful in tune. Almost melodic. “Hello, hello. And welcome to the story. I’m…”

“What you doing?”

A second voice cuts the fine, artistically brilliant vocals off halfway. It’s a shuddery, half-baked tone. Like your fathers voice after a few glasses of whiskey. The point between his depressing life and his angry rants. You know, the ‘happy’ point.

“I’m not an old man. I’m 23. Can we just carry on with the narration, thank you!?”

The old man continues…

“I’m not… Keep calm, we’ve just started. Right… What you doing?”

“I’m just introducing the readers to the story. Give ‘em a bit of background. Dig up the truths, outline the main characters. You know, a bit of showmanship.”

“Showmanship. It’s not a show. They’re not watching a movie. They’re reading a book. Look you’ve ruined it already. Half of them have probably already left through your muttering. And this berks comments.”

The old man speaks to the all-knowing narrator, yet is wrong to question such a wisdomous, and powerful being.

“Wisdomous. Powerful. You’re both gone wrong. Look, just hurry up and get going. We need to start.”

And with that, the old man exits, needing a zimmer frame to carry the sheer size of his bin-lid sized head.

“I’m not old…”

“Haha. Anyway. While those two are at it, let me introduce us. I’m Ezra Lee Walker, King of the banshees. I know what you’re thinking, banshee’s don’t exists. Well, don’t tell them that or they’ll come at yer like a stampede of vultures. Pecking at your little peepers as you go crying off to the barman. “Help me, help me barman. They’re after my little lion peepers.” Haha.”

“And that guy. He’s well… He gave me a list earlier on his best features. Let’s see.”

Ezra unravels a long, almost never ending scroll that rolls all of the way down, and along the ground a few meters away.

“He’s a poet. Poet extreme he’s wrote. And he’s erm… a dance maestro, electro-pop-punk, the inventor of Hellman’s mayonnaise, Queen of Uzbekistan… What this one, Monkey Duster. Haha. What’s that? He goes around with his little fairy duster, tickling away at gorillas.”

“It’s ‘Monkey Dominator’ you berk.”

“Alright, alright. Well that Monkey Duster is my partner Walter Scum.”

“It’s Wesley Skume. I told you that before. It’s written on the top of my list. Did you even read it?”

“Yeah. I did. Anyway, I was gonna ask. What’s this one? It says that you spent a whole night half naked with a walrus, eating chips as yer…”

“Okay, enough of that.”

Waldo yanks the list from Ezra, ripping it apart as he throws the little pieces to the ground.

“My name’s Wesley!” Wayne cuts in…

“Enjoy the story.”

Continue Reading Next Chapter
Further Recommendations

browne9193: Great story! Not a dull moment with these witty characters😁

Marie Hope: Love this story so much that i read it at my work because i was so obsessed. Thank you for that beautiful moment

Melody Velazquez: This is a great novel. I recommend this novel to everyone. It keeps the attention of the reader. I don’t have any dislikes about the novel.

Desireaderbabe: At the end of the day, writing is about engrossing you in a story. This author pulls you in in a mild, unassuming way and before you know it you're thirty chapters in wondering what's going to happen next

viewcoco2007: Awesome book!!! I can't wait for you to write more books. This book has so much humor and it had intense moments at times. I like this book so much I plan on reading it again. Even though it had some punctuation and grammar problems every now and then. I do recommend this book for all to read. Th...

Annelin Viste: Well written story 👍😊

poorvakarode: Wow. It's smoking hot.. so hilarious.. Yes its short but that's expected. It's more the fun actually. Less drama. Would love to read more such short stories.

janettewood66: Thais is an excel tool book showing survival!!! I loved this book.

Faybia: Amazing story. From the first sentence to the last had me on the edge of my seat. Well written in that it was hard to know the murder until the end; Gloria was a welcomed surprise. Wonderful that Jason and Jessie had their happy ending.

More Recommendations

HamiltonForLife <3: THIS IS SUCH A GOOD BOOK! Need to add more or another like this. Such an awesome plot 😆

Esther Nworie: Nice♥️♥️♥️

Rahnuma: Loved the starting because it was really different from other witch wolf stories.

Rachael: Okay so I've read about 150 stories here on this app, and many more on others. But I honestly had trouble putting this one down. It has a nice mystery twist to the romance and the whole story was unique. The characters were easy to understand and not too many. The whole story I was able to fly th...

Ally_kat: I read the next book first and when I realized this was a story I immediately had to get my hands on it! It's such a wonderful story and I liked how there wasn't a ton of drama and it was very realistic with feelings, how busy adults are and the. Simple struggles couples go through after moving i...

Geanina: Sweet story, love it

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