There once lived a nice married couple named Pete and Molly. They did all the things most married couples did, like kissing or buying groceries, but one thing made them different. They were wizards. Now you may think that being a wizard makes everything easier, but that's not exactly true. In real life, magic only went so far before you had to do things for yourself. You could zap yourself to the store to buy milk but the money; well you had to earn that yourself.
They had both been out of work for a while and made only a little extra cash by growing vegetables. "We need to do something," Molly said. Pete nodded and said I know. "I have no idea what to do Molly, I really don't. All I know is that we need to figure out something fast before we lose this house".
All of the sudden Molly had a big smile across her face. "What?" Pete asked with a look of confusion. "The leprechaun", she laughed. "We can't do magic for certain things but no one ever said we couldn't wish for them". Hmm, Pete said. You are right. With the leprechaun, we will get three wishes. We could wish for more money". They nodded to each other in agreement then started packing.
They packed what they could fit into two backpacks and took off on their journey. The car was low on gas so Pete suggested they take the donkeys. The leprechaun lived on a mountain, but it wasn't all that bad. They had heard from many others that the mountain was small; the trip there however would be difficult. The leprechaun lived miles days away and donkeys can be very slow when carrying a lot on their backs.
After a few miles, the donkeys began to grow tired. They soon came upon a small house. "The elves live here" Molly said. "Maybe we could ask them if we can set up a tent in their yard,"
"Sure" said Pete. "It's worth a try. I met the wife at the café once while picking up our lattes. She seemed pretty friendly."
They got off their donkeys and walked up to the little wooden door. Molly gave a quick little tap. Nothing, so she gave the door two more knocks that were a bit louder. They waited, then after a minute or two the door opened. A small woman stood in the doorway. She had pointy ears that poked out from under her long shiny black hair. She looked up at the two of them, whom Pete thought must have looked like giants to her. "Can I help you?" she asked.
"Yes" molly answered. "We are on our way to see the leprechaun that lives on the mountain. Right now, our only transportation are these two donkeys and they are very tired. May we set up a tent in your yard for the night?" "Nonsense" said the elf. "There is a shed for the donkeys. You two can stay in the guest bedroom."
They thanked the elf and followed her to a small shed with the donkeys. Afterwards she helped them carry their things up to the guest bedroom. Pete and Molly were amazed. The elves' house was beautiful. "My name is Susie," she told them. "Thanks again", Pete said. "By the way I'm Pete and this is my wife Molly."
"So why are you two going to see the leprechaun?" Money trouble Molly sighed. Oh replied Susie. You know my husband Tom and I went to see him about our baby problems. "Baby problems?" Pete asked. "Yes Tom and I cannot conceive so we asked the leprechaun for help. We asked if maybe we could wish for a baby. He said wishes did not always come true or turn out the way you want them to. He said that we should be aware of what could happen". "What could happen"? Molly asked with great curiosity.
"Well" said Susie. "I could've had a two headed baby or even worse. We could have had a baby with rounded ears". Pete gave Molly the "is this woman serious" look. "Oh the horror", he said sarcastically, but poor Susie did not catch on. Molly shot him back the don't you dare look. "So Susie", she said. "Did you and Tom ever have a baby?"
"No not exactly. One day while I was baking cookies, I heard a noise in the yard. I went outside and heard something whining and moving in the bushes. When I looked through them, I found a baby dragon. I know it is not an elf baby but I feel as though I was meant to be its mother". By this time, they were following her up to the room.
I hope you two don't mind sharing with him. He's a dragon but he's still quite small. Susie opened the bedroom door and Pete and Molly were shocked at what they had seen. "Well" she said. "I'll leave you two alone." They watched as she turned and went back downstairs.
When they saw that, she was out of sight they turned back around at stared into the room. "WOW!" Molly whispered. "I know" Pete mumbled back to her. "That is one FAT ASS DRAGON". "That's not nice," she told him. "She's helping us and helping this poor dragon." He let out a long EH sound. "You're right, and besides that by the look of this dragon she's putting the future children of minimum wage workers through college." Molly just rolled her eyes. "Come on" she said. "Let's get to bed."
The next day they helped Susie make breakfast. After they ate they were back on their donkeys on their way to see the little leprechaun who lived on the little mountain. They spent a few hours riding in silence, the only sound being the donkey's feet walking upon the ground.
Just then, when they were almost to their destination, they found themselves surrounded by a group of fairies. The fairies were swarming around them for a good three minutes before one finally landed on the head of the donkey Molly was riding.
"Beware" the little fairy said to Molly. "Beware the leprechaun". "Why?" asked Pete. The fairy who was looking Molly in the eyes turned quickly to face his direction. "It is because he is both tricky and truthful. He will tell you all the good things you want to hear, but be warned with good comes bad. He of course leaves those details out. That is how he tricks you into buying from him".
"Okay" said Pete in a sarcastic voice. "We will keep that in mind thank you." He and Molly began to ride off again. The little fairy began yelling all kinds of you'll be sorry and other warnings. Molly wish so badly that she could tell Pete to stop laughing, but even she found the way the fairy's voice squeaked when she yelled to be hilarious.
Two and a half hours after meeting the "psycho pixie", as Pete now
referred to the little fairy as; they were finally at the little mountain where the leprechaun lived. Pete and Molly got off their donkeys and looked up in amazement. On a big mountain, there was a medium sized house and on this medium sized house, there was a little door and when this little door opened out stepped a tiny leprechaun.
"Oh good" said the leprechaun." You two finally got here"." Excuse me said Pete. "Oh Susie called to say you were on your way". Molly and Pete shook their heads and spoke in sync. "Oh". The leprechaun smiled. "So I hear you two have some money issues that neither your magic nor your jobs can fix, is that correct"?
"Yes "Molly answered. " Well" said the leprechaun. "Like you, my powers also can only go so far, but fortunately for you two I have a secret weapon against that". Pete and Molly leaned in closer with curiosity. "Lisa" said the leprechaun. Pete and Molly looked at each other and then back at the leprechaun.
The leprechaun began to pace back and forth, as he got ready to explain. "Lisa is my lucky llama. You see Lisa was born from a llama that belongs to a witch. One night the witch cast her magic circle to do some spells. Long story short the llama gave birth to Lisa in the circle on a full moon night. So there you have it, a lucky magic llama".
"Hold on" said Pete. "If none of us can do anything with our magic, what makes a magic llama so special"?
"It's an animal", the leprechaun answered. "Animals have pure souls. Anything they do that we may consider bad, is purely out of instinct and not free will, therefore their magic is limitless".
"What does it do exactly?" Molly asked.
"She will bring you luck" the leprechaun answered. As long as you give her the proper attention, she needs. "Attention?" Pete asked. "Yes pet her now and then, feed her sweets and let her go out on walks. Show that you love and care for her and in return she will give you what you need."
"What do you want for her?" She asked. "Oh", said the leprechaun with a smile. "I want nothing more than your happiness. That is all I need, and I'm quite sure you will be happy with Lisa around. You may take her now if you like and don't worry she will follow along without running off.
"How does her magic work? "Pete asked.
"With her hoof print, he continued, you can make wishes. You simply just wait until she leaves a print in the ground and draw what you wish to have inside of it."
Pete and Molly looked at each other and shrugged. Okay Pete said. We will take her.
"I should warn you though, about something before you leave" the leprechaun said. "I know it has been said many times to many people, but you really should be careful what you wish for. Remember there are no refunds, not with magic."
Pete shook his head. "We'll be sure to remember that. Come on Molly" he mumbled to her. "Let's get the hell out of here."
"No shit said Molly."
After they were about a mile and a half away from the leprechauns house Pete had suggested that they use the llama's magic to get home. "Can't hurt to try" said Molly. She bent down and drew a house in one of the hoof prints. "I guess we wait," she told him. "I guess so" he replied.
About ten minutes had passed and still nothing happened. Pete and Molly both crossed their arms and sighed. Did he say how long it would take? Molly asked. Pete shook his head. Don't think so. He did say to be careful what we wished for, but I can't see how wishing to go home would cause any harm.
After a while, they decided they'd better just start going home the normal way. They got up on their donkeys and took off. All the sudden a bright light appeared in front of them. Within an instant, they were standing in their basement. "Where are the donkeys and Lisa?" Molly asked. Pete looked around. "Let's check upstairs," he said. They ran up the stairs and checked each room. There were no signs of a donkey or llama.
Molly ran outside. "They are out here," she shouted as Pete was coming out. "Why did we end up in the basement?" Molly asked" Pete shrugged. "Who cares? It worked, that's all that should matter."
The next morning as Molly was waking up she had a great urge to go back to sleep. Odd she thought. Last night we to bed early, she said to herself. She pulled the covers off and got out of bed to make coffee. As she walked to the kitchen, she began to feel weak. Soon her body was shaking. Her knees gave out and she fell to the floor.
Pete came running into the kitchen from the bedroom. "Are you okay?" he asked molly. He shook her lightly but she gave no response. "What hell" he yelled. "Molly answer me, please." Molly's eyes slowly opened. She blinked a few times then looked up at Pete. "What happened?" she asked. "No idea he replied. I heard a noise and when I came in here to see what it was I found you passed out on the floor."
"It was probably the trip and everything. All that traveling and sitting on that donkey for hours must have worn me out." Pete grabbed her arm and helped her up from the floor. "Well whatever the reason is you probably should go back to bed. You obviously did not get enough rest." Molly shrugged. "Eh, I'm okay. Besides, I have a feeling I wouldn't get back to sleep any time soon anyways."
"Well, said Pete, I'll make breakfast. What do you feel like?" "
Eggs and bacon would be nice" she answered. Pete opened the fridge.
"Damn it, we're out of eggs."
Molly yawned and said ," I'll go get some."
"Why?" Pete asked. "We have Lisa now. We can just wish for some eggs." They went outside to the yard where Lisa the llama was roaming and eating grass. "We have to get her onto the gravel," Molly said. Okay Lisa, Pete said in a voice normally used to talk to babies....or kittens. Come on girl, be a good little llama. Lisa didn't move. Molly snickered.
She motioned with her hand, for Lisa to come to her. Lisa walked over to her. "You must naturally repel llamas" she laughed. "Ha, ha he said sarcastically. Your face must be repelling our luck." Molly rolled her eyes. "Real mature, Pete. That's real mature."
"Hey",he said. "You started it. You're just jealous that I have the face of a god." She sighed and said, "let's figure out what we are going to wish for."
She bent down and lightly applied a bit of pressure to one of Lisa's front hooves as to make sure it left a good print.
" How about food", Pete suggested.
"Food, what kind of food."
"Any kind, bread and milk maybe."
Molly grabbed a stick from the ground and with it, she drew a picture of a loaf of bread and a carton of milk in Lisa's hoof print. A few minutes had past but nothing happened.
"Well I guess were shit out of luck", said Pete. "I can't believe we bought into that cra-holy shit Molly what is that."
"It's milk," Molly shouted. "Oh my god it's a big wave of milk."
The gigantic milk wave crashed down into Pete and Molly's front yard carrying everything including them to the back of the house. The ground was now muddy and anything solid was now sticky. Pete and Molly stood up and began squeezing milk out of their clothes. They looked around. There was nothing that seemed too badly damaged; just the fence and a few nests had been knocked out of the trees. Pete quickly used a spell to put everything back in its place.
They went back to check on Lisa who was peacefully eating grass and to their surprise next to her stood three cartons of milk. Molly picked one up and examined it. "It looks good to me. There doesn't seem to be any leaks or anything wrong with it. Check those other two. "
Pete picked up the two milk cartoons and shook them. "Seem fine to me he" said. Look around maybe there is bread. I hope some that's not soaked in milk. I'm not picky but that is just one thing I can't eat."
Molly laughed. "One thing, did you seriously just say you're only picky about one thing?"
"Well I could be picky about more things, but luckily for you Molly I love you too much."
"Oh, so tell me, Pete, what about me bothers you?"
"Oh I don't know. Maybe the nagging"
"Nagging, you think I nag?"
"Ya, nag. Like all the times I have to hear, don't feed the donkeys cheese Pete, or you're not getting a mohawk, because I have to be seen with you in public."
"Fine, you know what, just do what you want. Feed the damn donkeys whatever you want. Go out look as ridiculous as you want, because I don't care anymore."
"Look, I'm sorry okay. I'm just stressed out. Let's just find the bread and go watch a movie or something."
"Fine, that sounds like a good idea. I think we both just need rest."
They searched the yard twice but found nothing. However, they came upon a surprise when they entered the house. The kitchen had been filled with freshly baked bread. "Oh, my god" Molly said. "It smells delicious."
"Look" Pete said with a chuckle. "We have banana and cinnamon bread. Oh man Molly, some have glaze."
That night Pete and Molly had a dinner of banana bread and milk. "Not exactly a normal dinner Molly said, but hey, it beats left overs again."
Pete nodded in agreement. Well you know me. I say food is food. Beef jerky and beer is a good breakfast in my opinion. Molly rolled her eyes and continued eating. Pete then dropped a piece of bread onto his plate. What's wrong, she asked.
I feel tired. Like all the energy is being drained from me.
That's what happened to me she told him. Why don't we get you to bed, and just deal with this stuff tomorrow.
Pete tried to stand up but fell back into his chair and went to sleep. Molly cast a spell to make him float up to bed. "His ass is too heavy to carry," she said to herself.
The next day Pete and Molly made a list of sensible things to ask for in a sensible amount. They specifically asked for four loaves of bread, two gallons of milk, butter and a block of cheese. Molly rolled her eyes at Pete's last two requests. "what?" He asked. I had a taste for grilled cheese.
Pete cooked Molly and himself a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches. When Molly bit into her sandwich, a big smile came upon her face. "This is amazing "she said. It has to be the best cheese I've ever tasted.
Pete took a huge bite out of his. You're right, it is amazing. Do you think Lisa would want one? She must be hungry.
"Uh Pete, Lisa is a llama.
Yes,a magic llama. I'm just going to see if she can eat it. After all, we haven't gotten her any llama food, and honestly I have no idea what llama food is. Pete took the rest of the sandwich outside where he found Lisa nibbling on grass. Molly came out after him.
"You see", she told him. "She's eating grass. Now come back inside. Pete."
"Let's try again he told her."
"Pete no. there's something wrong with this llama."
"Gold" he shouted. "But how do I draw gold in the dirt? I know, maybe if I put something that has gold coloring on it. Maybe even a darker shade of yellow would work." Pete went back into the house for what must have been fifteen minutes. When he returned outside molly noticed he was holding a pile of crushed yellow orange crayon.
Pete laughed in a way that seemed half-inner child and half guy in a padded room. I'm either gonna get gold or my own miniature sun. Wait, I should wish for my own sun. He drew inside Lisa's hoof print a small circle with squiggly lines surrounding it.
A tiny ball of light appeared. Pete reached out to touch it, but then pulled back quickly. "Ow, that's hot, and I didn't even touch it yet. The ball of light grew larger, a little bigger than a basketball and then it became engulfed in flames.
Pete had the biggest smile on his face that Molly had ever seen. One so big it must have hurt. "Look Mol' I have my own mini sun. This will be great for the winter. Where should we store it? Oh I know how about on the top shelf by the window in our room."
"Molly couldn't help but roll her eye and sigh. Yes a carpeted bedroom with curtains. It sounds like the perfect place for a sun. Hell, why doesn't it just sleep at the end of a bed like a dog."
"Molly that's just ridiculous."
"Suns don't sleep."
"Just get rid of the damn sun, or just leave it out here."
"Wow you're mean. What if it gets cold or lonely out here?
Molly didn't know what to say, so she just shook her head and walked away. As she was walking she noticed a burning smell. She turned to see that the tiny sun had floated up by a tree and its leaves were now on fire.
"Pete look she shouted."
"Holy SHIT,Molly do a rain spell. I can't think of one right now."
"What am I supposed to say? Rain rain pour down fast,this magic llama is becoming a pain in the ass." The rain stops in an instant.
"Hmmm, never mind I guess that does work. Okay we've had this llama for almost two days now. We have made only a few simple wishes and every one of them has been like the result of summoning a damn demon."
"A little harsh Molly don't you think? Come on let's give it a few more tries. Maybe were not being specific enough."
"Fine,one more try. Pete,do you hear that?"
"Hear wha-. "
Sounds....like marching he said.
Molly turned around and gasped. Behind them was an army of mice who were all clad in armor and holding tiny swords.
One stepped forward and raised his sword. "Give it back, he demanded. How dare you take what is rightfully ours."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Pete asked.
"The cheese it is ours. We made it ourselves, all from scratch. "Even milked a cow for it."
"Milked a cow?" Both Pete and Molly asked in unison.
"Yes and do you know how hard it is for mice to milk a damn cow?"
All Pete and Molly could do was shake their heads. They knew from experience that doing things the mundane way could be back breaking. There was no way they could fathom what the mouse was asking. "What makes you think we took it? Molly asked.
" your house smells like our cheese ,a female mouse said in a stern yet squeaky voice.
Molly crossed her arms and stood straight up almost as to make herself look taller. She had no idea why she felt the need to do so as they were mice, but it seemed the thing to do when wanting to look in charge.
"You need to just turn your tiny butts around and go home."
"Never. We may be small individually but together we are mighty"
Pete started to snicker but soon could not control it and began a fit of uncontrollable laughter. The leader mouse seemed even angrier now. Molly couldn't help but to find it cute, until he started growling. She tapped Pete on the shoulder. "Uh I think we'd better just stop and give them the cheese dear."
"Why? What the hell are they going to do to make us?"
"This is your last chance pathetic humans. Give us back our cheese."
Pete picked the tiny mouse up by its tiny little suit of armor. "I'm going to tell you all one last time. This is our cheese in our house. now go back to your little hole or wherever it is you live."
The mouse swung his sword striking Pete in the face. He tossed the mouse to the ground and gasped as he grabbed his cheek.
"Shit that stung." He was bleeding. Not a lot, it was more like a paper cut.
"You have crossed the line pathetic humans. We will now attack."
The mouse now began growling louder than before. It was much louder than a normal little mouse should be able to. Then to their surprise, they started growing. The leader mouse and three others now doubled Pete and Molly in size.
Pete while never turning his head from the amazing scene before him mumbled to Molly. "I don't suppose it's too late to give that cheese back."
"You can. However, I say let's get the hell out of here. Molly ran, and as she got closer to the house, she stopped dead in her tracks. An army of giant angry mice now surrounded Pete. Molly had to think and now was a time to do it quickly. She ran over to Lisa, grabbed a long stick and jumped on her back. "Let's rescue Pete." She motioned for Lisa to go forward and began fending off the giant mice as they reached Pete. She grabbed him by the arm and with all her strength struggled to lift him up onto Lisa. "You seriously need to lose a few pounds."
"Hey you're not exactly paying the bills by modeling lingerie either sweetheart." Molly then rips a small branch from a tree. "Here" she tells him. " I need you to take this stick and just swinging at any rat bastard that comes after us."
"You mean mouse bastard," he laughed. Molly sighed and shook her head. She could not believe he had to make a joke at a time like this. Lisa? She asked. "Can you take us back to the leprechaun?"
Lisa nodded. Soon she was running. Pete and Molly's hands firmly gripped her side as the llama took off flying. "The damn llama flies" Pete shouted. "I guess so. She seems very fast too."
Lisa eventually landed to take a rest. They looked around and realized they were now only a few miles from the leprechaun's house.
"Alright" she said. "We'll rest for a half hour then get moving again. I'd says it's about five or six miles. Let's walk most of it so Lisa can get a break." They walked just a little more than half way when they came across another llama and what looked like an elf.
The elf was lying over the llama and sobbing. As they got closer, they could see the llama was badly injured. It looked like someone had beaten it up. "Oh my god" Molly said. "Are you two alright?"
" No" the elf cried. "Are you the people who took Lisa?"
"Yes" Pete said as he knelt beside her and the llama. "Why, what is wrong?"
She cried, "This Lisa's mother. I had to rescue her from the leprechaun. He was doing awful experiments on her."
"I thought a witch was her owner," Pete said.
"She was, but she too ran into hard times and had to sell Lisa. We tried to buy her back later but the leprechaun would not give her up. You see, the leprechaun has a spell that steals energy"
"How does he steal energy?" Molly asked now completely confused.
"Whenever you made a wish in Lisa's hoof print part of your energy went into that. Yes for a while, you would get what you wanted, but you would also grow weaker."
"Damn it, I knew it," Pete yelled. Alright Molly let's get going. I think we both have a few words for the tiny dick on legs." Molly snickered then shook her head in agreement. Soon they were at the leprechaun's house.
"There seems to be a party going on," said Molly.
"Ya, well his little party is about to come to an end."
They climb the mountain, and even though it was very small, they were exhausted when they reached the top. "We need to work out more" Molly said nearly out of breathe. Pete grabbed the doorknob. "Hmm,he said. It's unlocked." They went in and saw the leprechaun dancing.
Pete and Molly walked over to him. Molly picked him up in one swoop with both hands. She started to shake him. " Where is all my damn energy . It's mine I want it back." Pete stopped her and took the leprechaun from her, setting him back on the floor. "For god's sake Molly you're going to give him brain damage ,and he doesn't even have that big of a brain."
" Now let's settle this like adults. You lied to us leprechaun and you know it." The leprechaun crossed his arms and stood up straight. They sighed and rolled their eyes. They still had no idea why little things did that. It did not change the fact that they were small.
If you want your energy you can buy it back. Screw that said Pete. " You lied, now give us our energy back. "
"I did not lie. You simply did not ask. I never once told you there would be no side effects. " Pete was now angry. He grinded his teeth trying to hold back his growing rage. " I'll tell you one more time. Give it back to us"
And I will tell you one more time, pay me or screw off. Molly then pushed Pete aside. She walked up to the leprechaun and punched him in the face. He fell backwards yelling. The music stopped and so did the dancing crowd. Now they starred at the three of them.
He shook his head and tried to stand back up. His legs wobbled. Two other creatures appeared from the crowd to help him. One looked like it may have been a type of fairy, the other an ogre. They now moved slowly towards Pete and Molly. Molly took a large stone from her pocket and threw it at the ogre's head. " Run she told Pete." They turned to head for the door but realized it was now blocked. Now the crowd surrounded them.
"Well, said Pete. I did not think anything could have been worse than the mouse army could. I stand corrected."
Screw this Pete. Molly raised her arms to the air. "I ask the almighty battle lord to bless us both with a sword. " All the sudden from the sky two swords fell into the hands of Pete and Molly. "Okay,she said. It is time for some fun. They charged at the crowed swinging their swords.
First as they were fighting their way through the fairies pulled their hair,then the elves bit at their ankles. Pete tried to stab one of the elves but instead sent the sword straight through his foot. He screamed in pain. He was now in complete rage and swung his sword faster at his attackers. Soon most of the crowd backed off and there in the middle with him stood Molly and the leprechaun. Pete could no longer stand the pain and fell to his knees. The leprechaun then patted him on the back. " It is okay wizard he said. We cannot all be successful. People like me need people like you because there is no success without failure."
He then pulled out a small knife from his pocket and lifted it high into the air. Molly knew then she had to act quickly. With all of her strength she ran towards the leprechaun and in one swing took his head of his body. To their surprise, the head lived and still talked. " You two won't get away with this he yelled. Hush Molly yelled back. You are lucky I don't hack you into little pieces.
Molly again raised her hands to the air. Spirits from a far, for his big head give me a jar. Soon the leprechauns head was floating in a very large jar.
Now she said picking up the jar ,let's go get my energy back so I can decorate. Putting you on my mantel will make for a nice conversation piece.