Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copies left
You can choose from our best books below
Raymond R. Fortin would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Almost a Superhero

By Raymond R. Fortin All Rights Reserved ©

Humor

Short Story

“Man, I wish I could be like that chick from X-Men. You know, the one that can shapeshift and stuff. She’s so hot.” Joey mashed the buttons of the Xbox controller as if his life depended on it.

The screen flashed K.O. and Seth slumped on the couch. Mortal Kombat wasn’t his thing. “Jennifer Lawrence? She’s kinda cute, I guess… Meh.”

“Nah, man, not the actress. I meant that blue chick. Mystique. The way she shapeshifts, it’s so cool. I could be anyone. I could be the hottest chick on the planet.”

“You’d masturbate all day. Not that you don’t already.”

“Fuck you. I’d totally solve crimes or something. I’d be a superhero.”

“Or you could play with boobs all day.” Seth fondled his non-existent pecks and moaned provocatively.

“You think I’d only morph into chicks? You’re so prejudiced.”

Seth pulled the waistband of his pants and said, “You’d want another guy’s dick down there? It wouldn’t be your own dick. Sounds gay. Just saying.”

“Way to ruin my fun. You’re making me blue.” Like a dye released in water, Joey’s skin turned blue all over. He looked like an angry, fat Smurf with a patchy beard.

Seth muttered, “Cut it out, dude. Your grandpa will yell at us again.”

“Apparently you’re the bad influence.” Joey laughed and won another round. The speakers thundered with victory music, and from upstairs, Joey’s grandpa yelled that the volume was too loud.

“Bad influence? Me? I’m not the one who pretended to be Satan at the park. Those kids are scarred for life.”

Grinning mischievously, Joey’s skin melted to red. He made finger horns and grunted, “I hunger for your soul!”

“Seriously,” Seth said, laughing, “you look like a mutated strawberry.”

Joey turned back to beige, though there was a hint of red in his cheeks. “Man, all you do is judge me.”

“For good reason. You’re a terrible human being.”

“Fuck you. And you’re any better?”

“I’ve got a cooler superpower, for starters.”

“Your Magneto shit? It’s so lame.”

Seth grabbed a ring from his pocket and put it on the coffee table. “I’ve got a new trick. Take a look.” He stretched out his gangly, hairy arm and pointed at the ring. It started to wobble. Then, the ring flipped over, and Seth jumped from the couch, whooping ecstatically.

Joey shrugged. “Man, you gotta work on that superhero face of yours. The constipated I’m taking a shit look just isn’t sexy.”

“You’re just jealous.”

“Jealous? A fridge magnetic is more impressive. Besides, I’m like the world’s most interesting human being.”

Seth lit a joint and took a deep breath. “So can you do any other colors? I mean, colors that haven’t been invented yet?”

“Put that out, man. My gramps will smell it.”

“No way. He’s senile.”

“Like hell he is. Give it here—” Joey reached for the joint but Seth played keep away, raising it high above the couch. “I’m gonna get in trouble. Give it—” Joey crawled on top of his friend and snatched the joint. He took a quick puff of his own before snuffing it out.

Seth was laughing and coughing. “So—can you—show me some new colors?”

“You’re asking if I can do colors that don’t exist…”

“Yeah.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to do that? That’s like asking a blind guy to paint a rainbow.”

Seth slouched even more, his hairy stomach showing. “Yeah, but you can turn any color you want. Come on, turn ultra violet or something.”

“Are you being for real?”

“Yeah, I wanna see it.”

“Fine.” Joey suddenly turned violet, a shade away from exploding.

“Dude, that’s just violet. I said ultra violet.”

“Fuck. Even if I could, you wouldn’t see it. Fucking hillbilly brain you got.”

Then, Joey’s grandpa marched down into the basement, waggling his cane like a discipline stick. “God damn you kids.”

Seth giggled hysterically while Joey’s skin drained to white. “Hey, Gramps—”

“God damn it. I said turn this thing off.” The old man ripped out the television’s power cord and shoved it down his pants. “And if I catch you changing colors one more time, I swear I’ll send you to the CIA to be dissected.” He shuffled up the stairs, muttering the whole way.

Joey shrugged. “So what do we do now?”

Seth burst into laughter. “I guess—we could—be productive or something?”

“Yeah. Let’s go scare some kids,” Joey said and turned space-alien green.

Start writing here ...
Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, Raymond R. Fortin
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

nakhvavaishu: just loved it...u cant put this book down once u start reading...from the very first page it is an emotional rollercoaster....the way author has described the undescribable😉 chemistry between our very own jay n aqueela its just way tooo awesome...i just felt the love n mischievious bonding betwee...

Alex Rushmer: I just want to say that the writing in this is amazing! I read the first couple chapters and was absolutely drawn in by it, The way you use first person in this story is extremely engaging and does wonders with your character development. I immediately had a picture of the characters and plotline...

Jasmine Chow: As I read this story, I was reminded some what of Terry Pratchett, especially some descriptions of politics and economics. The sci-fic setting is quite intriguing. Writing style is quite lovely and grew on me slowly. I was also slightly reminded of Mark Twain, especially his book A Connecticut Ya...

emilia handy: THIS BOOK WAS JUST SO AMAZING?!?!!??! I couldnt make myself stop reading it. it had such amazing characters and an amazing plot twist. i suggest everybody should read this that likes humor as well as romance.

Karl12: This story is written in a fun, amusing way, which caught my attention from the very beginning. This, so to speak, “free” style of writing is something I really enjoyed. It gives a great flow to the story, makes it interesting, easy to read and keeps it dynamic. I loved that both Nate’s and Laney...

Hrishitaa Kanpal: I was so excited to read tis book, I actually couldn't think pf any other thing while reading this book I was hoping for a good ending I had thought of a very sweet and beautiful ending. I also suggested my friends to read this book but when I read the ending my all thoughts were shattered I was ...

tinaasante871: when Max first got introduced to the story I was like#where the hell is sara#...lol... I loved every minute of reading this book... it was fantastic although I would have loved to read more about Sara and Allie's wedding.....Anyways I hope u have more of these books installed for us because you'v...

jaydenmatheny: it I absolutely amazing on if the best books I have personally read❤ I highly recommend this to anyone 13+ back to my point I love this book and there should definitely be a second I would most likely but this book if I ever saw it in a store

Sabrina Ettey: The story plot is great. I loved it. Just the grammar punctuation and writing style was kind of distracting. But with the smooth polishing, it may shine like a pearl. :)

More Recommendations

T.U. Wrighter: Its rare i come across stories with women relationships and its rather realistic, but at the same time its as a fantasy in terms of a shinning knight and a princess type style. The only thing was I was having some issues at parts with keeping track of who was saying what and who was talking at ti...

Mark Morris: Just back from a week in Dublin and finished this story in 2 days - very entertaining and an easy, fun read. The plot keeps moving and the various scenarios - divorce, ex husband, job, lovers maintains interest.Hope to read part 2 soon as possible, back in Australia. Well done aiofe 👍

Kassidy Duncan: This is a really sweet story, and I'm really enjoying the premise! It's cute, but also is put forward well in terms of a TV drama (as in, I could definitely see this being acted out). There were a few spelling and grammatical errors that I noticed, but other than that, it was a great read.

givemeabook1: Love it. I want to promote your Inkitt book for free to my list of newsletter subscribers. If that is ok with you then please email me at exzordersplrwso AT gmail.com to book your spot, thanks (please don’t comment here I don’t read comments).

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.