Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

Free copy left
You can read our best books
PhilipGoode would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

That's Where They Go!

By PhilipGoode All Rights Reserved ©

Scifi / Humor

Chapter 1

Gort stood on three legs in front of his Artificial Intelligence device, scanning numerous screens with both numerical and visual data input simultaneously with his eight eye-stalks. Three of his tentacles were moving levers on his device, another was dipping into a square bowl of lummox for sustenance and another one was communicating via a holographic wand with an associate from another government agency about plans for the morning. His last tentacle was gently caressing his "happy zone" located at the pointed top of his pyramid shaped head, giving him some mildly pleasant endorphin-like sensations throughout his central nervous system.

"Gort! Stop touching yourself in front of everyone! Besides how can you process data, give yourself necessary sustenance and do .............. THAT, all simultaneously!"

Gort's supervisor was very old-fashioned about public displays of affection to oneself. The newer generations of Balimoons had no qualms about receiving pleasure from yourself, your life partners or even more scandalous, complete strangers! Most of Gort's birth-class was much more open-minded about social norms and they were penultimate multi-taskers.

Just then the Balimoon situated to the left of Gort shouted out, "Incoming! We've got another one!"

The entire room was immediately focused on the task at hand. The supervisor's supervisor began to squeal out commands. (Balimoons have a very high range for their vocal chords) The supervisor sounded like Minnie Mouse after sucking on a helium balloon.

"Get me the geographical coordinates for the event! I need an exact time of expected entry! Gort contact the military! Vosloo get advise the Emergency Management Team! Stay focused, we do not want another Yogguth disaster!"

Most of the Balimoons shuddered when they were reminded of the Yogguth disaster. Someone missed the early warning alarm and the alien weapon had smothered an entire neighborhood; killing hundreds of Balimoons and causing untold property damage. The Balimoon who missed the alarm was one of Gort's birth-class named Doof. As punishment, Doof was placed in an interplanetary vehicle and launched into the center of the local Red Dwarf Sun. Balimoons believed in justice.

The alien attack occurred quite close to a military base. Gort had alerted them and the military sent up a multitude of anti-gravity devices to blast the strange weapon before it hit the ground. The latest attack was thwarted due to the swift action and teamwork of the Balimoon early warning team. Gort was commended for his fast action.

The Balimoon civilian, military and scientific leaders met to discuss the continued alien attacks. Generalissimo Patin spoke first.

"This is what we know. The devices are travelling between dimensions. There is some sort of link or channel between our world and the alien one. The weapons arrive at various points around the planet, at intermittent times. With the detection devices we have in place, we at least have some warning."

A civilian leader by the name of Klintun queried, " Do we have any idea who these fiendish aliens are? Why are they attacking us?"

"We do not know of any motive for these unwarranted and cowardly attacks upon us. However the frequency of the attacks has increased substantially over the last 50 solar cycles."

A scientist named Hulo spoke up.

"Each of the devices sent through the dimensional rifts have some similarities. First of all they are very big, some of them cover several sections of a city. Second they all have a large opening at one end. Third, they all have a pleasant olfactory quality."

Many in the room murmured their agreement. Balimoons sense of smell was located in their butts.

"However there are some differences. The sizes change, the colors change; some are completely devoid of color. There seems to be a variety of materials these weapons are made of and they do not possess any sort of guidance system or advanced technology. They are very primitive but deadly weapons. Some are straight, some veer off at a 45 degree angle. They are made of stretchy, pliable materials. The weapons are transported here and simply float to the ground crushing our structures and our Balimoons, for no apparent reason!"

Someone spoke in a loud whisper. "Primitive savages!" 

The Prime Balimoon quieted down the unruly crowd.

"Fellow Balimoons we have come to a decision. We have decided to strike back at our unknown assailants."

The entire room of Balimoons became completely silent to hear what the Prime Balimoon had to say. Balimoons are by and large very polite by nature.

"We have formulated a way to reverse the dimensional transportation system. We are going to send something back to these monstrous aliens as a message to leave us alone! Generalissimo could you elaborate for us?"

He raised all his tentacles for greater effect.

"We are going to send the aliens an anti-matter device designed to destroy an entire city!"

Several of the younger Balimoons actually slapped their tentacles in approval. The older birth classes thought this was too undignified but they shared the enthusiasm for this bold course of action. The Balimoons would show those filthy aliens they were not to be trifled with!

Promptly at third moonrise the Balimoons opened up a rift from their end of the dimension and sent the deadly anti-matter device into the portal.

Sally Johnson was emptying the clothes from the dryer. She had all the clothes sorted and folded; she was missing one sock. The children were not around so she spoke to the cat, Hazel, a chubby little Tortie.

"I swear to god I don't know what happens to all those darn socks. I put a pair in the dryer and only one comes out. This happens all the time. I'm tired of buying new socks!"

She picked up the basket to carry it upstairs. With her back to the dryer, Sally Johnson did not see the small flash of light inside the dryer. But Hazel did. The cat also saw the tiny speck , smaller than a fly, which floated out of the dryer. Hazel jumped up and swallowed the  tiny speck. In an instant Hazel just evaporated, leaving only a faint burning odor.

Sally Johnson turned to get the cat.

"C'mon Hazel let's go upstairs. Now where did that darn cat go?"


Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, PhilipGoode
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

Hawkebat: Playing both Kotor I & II and Swtor I found the story line interesting and it held me until chapter 35 Very good story and plot flow until then, very few technical errors. I felt that the main character was a bit under and over powered, as it fought for balance. The last few chapters felt too f...

Angel S. Adames Corraliza: Sensational! As a fan of superheroes, I have to say, you have a real winner of a story so far. I like that you made Allison a Wonder Woman expy, but kept her likable and relate-able in this first chapter. You showed us the Mother while also glancing at the Superhero, which I think is important to...

shawnas26: I knocked it out in one sitting and enjoyed it thoroughly. Thanks for sharing! :) I'll be looking forward to reading the next in the series.

Leah Brown: This was an amazing read! I was hooked from the very first chapter, holding my breadth to see what would happen next. The characters are rich and vibrant, and the world Danielle has created is fascinating. If you love YA, you MUST read this book. Such a smart, brilliant debut novel. I loved it!

PaulSenkel: If you like Arthur C. Clarke's Odyssey, especially The Final Odyssey, then you will probably also enjoy this book. I definitely did.It does, however, address a more adolescent public than the above-mentioned book.I enjoyed the story and finished it in a few days. The overall situation on earth an...

Alex Rushmer: Although I don't know the story of the Phantom of the Opera, I really enjoyed this story. The writing was very evocative, and it really put a picture of time and setting in my mind. The voice of the story really added to the character development. The idea of the time travelling -- or whatever re...

internathunal: I was held captive by your sense of style. I would love to see more from you. I enjoyed this immensely.

hypaalicious: This story follows two main characters, Zoey and Derek, on a winding adventure that sucks you in from the beginning. It was easy to get into and get a feel for the world that the author is projecting, as well as all of the warring factions and difference of ideals that would otherwise be very co...

ianwatson: The comedy is original and genuinely funny, I have laughed out loud many times reading this book. But the story and the plot are also really engaging. The opening two or three chapters seem quite character-dense but they all soon come to life and there is no padding, filling or wasted time readin...

More Recommendations

Alex Rushmer: I just want to say that the writing in this is amazing! I read the first couple chapters and was absolutely drawn in by it, The way you use first person in this story is extremely engaging and does wonders with your character development. I immediately had a picture of the characters and plotline...

Steve Lang: I thought this story was imaginative, and well thought out. I also think it was an original piece, and not a rehash of previous scifi stories I've read in the past.Thank you for the effort put into this tale, and I look forward to reading more of your work!

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral stories!

FreakyPoet: "you made me laugh, made me cry, both are hard to do. I spent most of the night reading your story, captivated. This is why you get full stars from me. Thanks for the great story!"

The Cyneweard

Sara Joy Bailey: "Full of depth and life. The plot was thrilling. The author's style flows naturally and the reader can easily slip into the pages of the story. Very well done."

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral story!

Ro-Ange Olson: "Loved it and couldn't put it down. I really hope there is a sequel. Well written and the plot really moves forward."