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That's Where They Go!

By PhilipGoode All Rights Reserved ©

Scifi / Humor

Chapter 1

Gort stood on three legs in front of his Artificial Intelligence device, scanning numerous screens with both numerical and visual data input simultaneously with his eight eye-stalks. Three of his tentacles were moving levers on his device, another was dipping into a square bowl of lummox for sustenance and another one was communicating via a holographic wand with an associate from another government agency about plans for the morning. His last tentacle was gently caressing his "happy zone" located at the pointed top of his pyramid shaped head, giving him some mildly pleasant endorphin-like sensations throughout his central nervous system.

"Gort! Stop touching yourself in front of everyone! Besides how can you process data, give yourself necessary sustenance and do .............. THAT, all simultaneously!"

Gort's supervisor was very old-fashioned about public displays of affection to oneself. The newer generations of Balimoons had no qualms about receiving pleasure from yourself, your life partners or even more scandalous, complete strangers! Most of Gort's birth-class was much more open-minded about social norms and they were penultimate multi-taskers.

Just then the Balimoon situated to the left of Gort shouted out, "Incoming! We've got another one!"

The entire room was immediately focused on the task at hand. The supervisor's supervisor began to squeal out commands. (Balimoons have a very high range for their vocal chords) The supervisor sounded like Minnie Mouse after sucking on a helium balloon.

"Get me the geographical coordinates for the event! I need an exact time of expected entry! Gort contact the military! Vosloo get advise the Emergency Management Team! Stay focused, we do not want another Yogguth disaster!"

Most of the Balimoons shuddered when they were reminded of the Yogguth disaster. Someone missed the early warning alarm and the alien weapon had smothered an entire neighborhood; killing hundreds of Balimoons and causing untold property damage. The Balimoon who missed the alarm was one of Gort's birth-class named Doof. As punishment, Doof was placed in an interplanetary vehicle and launched into the center of the local Red Dwarf Sun. Balimoons believed in justice.

The alien attack occurred quite close to a military base. Gort had alerted them and the military sent up a multitude of anti-gravity devices to blast the strange weapon before it hit the ground. The latest attack was thwarted due to the swift action and teamwork of the Balimoon early warning team. Gort was commended for his fast action.

The Balimoon civilian, military and scientific leaders met to discuss the continued alien attacks. Generalissimo Patin spoke first.

"This is what we know. The devices are travelling between dimensions. There is some sort of link or channel between our world and the alien one. The weapons arrive at various points around the planet, at intermittent times. With the detection devices we have in place, we at least have some warning."

A civilian leader by the name of Klintun queried, " Do we have any idea who these fiendish aliens are? Why are they attacking us?"

"We do not know of any motive for these unwarranted and cowardly attacks upon us. However the frequency of the attacks has increased substantially over the last 50 solar cycles."

A scientist named Hulo spoke up.

"Each of the devices sent through the dimensional rifts have some similarities. First of all they are very big, some of them cover several sections of a city. Second they all have a large opening at one end. Third, they all have a pleasant olfactory quality."

Many in the room murmured their agreement. Balimoons sense of smell was located in their butts.

"However there are some differences. The sizes change, the colors change; some are completely devoid of color. There seems to be a variety of materials these weapons are made of and they do not possess any sort of guidance system or advanced technology. They are very primitive but deadly weapons. Some are straight, some veer off at a 45 degree angle. They are made of stretchy, pliable materials. The weapons are transported here and simply float to the ground crushing our structures and our Balimoons, for no apparent reason!"

Someone spoke in a loud whisper. "Primitive savages!" 

The Prime Balimoon quieted down the unruly crowd.

"Fellow Balimoons we have come to a decision. We have decided to strike back at our unknown assailants."

The entire room of Balimoons became completely silent to hear what the Prime Balimoon had to say. Balimoons are by and large very polite by nature.

"We have formulated a way to reverse the dimensional transportation system. We are going to send something back to these monstrous aliens as a message to leave us alone! Generalissimo could you elaborate for us?"

He raised all his tentacles for greater effect.

"We are going to send the aliens an anti-matter device designed to destroy an entire city!"

Several of the younger Balimoons actually slapped their tentacles in approval. The older birth classes thought this was too undignified but they shared the enthusiasm for this bold course of action. The Balimoons would show those filthy aliens they were not to be trifled with!

Promptly at third moonrise the Balimoons opened up a rift from their end of the dimension and sent the deadly anti-matter device into the portal.

Sally Johnson was emptying the clothes from the dryer. She had all the clothes sorted and folded; she was missing one sock. The children were not around so she spoke to the cat, Hazel, a chubby little Tortie.

"I swear to god I don't know what happens to all those darn socks. I put a pair in the dryer and only one comes out. This happens all the time. I'm tired of buying new socks!"

She picked up the basket to carry it upstairs. With her back to the dryer, Sally Johnson did not see the small flash of light inside the dryer. But Hazel did. The cat also saw the tiny speck , smaller than a fly, which floated out of the dryer. Hazel jumped up and swallowed the  tiny speck. In an instant Hazel just evaporated, leaving only a faint burning odor.

Sally Johnson turned to get the cat.

"C'mon Hazel let's go upstairs. Now where did that darn cat go?"

                                                   End







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