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Nachos are Evil

By Erin Nicole All Rights Reserved ©

Humor

April Fools? No?

From that day on, nachos were considered evil. I don't know what I did to tick karma off. Maybe they were planning for those nachos to ruin someone else's clothes. Maybe this was all just an April Fools prank and someone would pop out with a camera at any moment hollering "APRIL FOOLS!" and I'd gain instant internet popularity. No? Of course not.

How did I stumble upon this situation you ask? It happened March 31, 2015 (If you really must need it to be so specific). Kris made me wear a skirt today, which would've been fine if I were any other person, but of course it had to be me. Erin, wearing a skirt?! It had to be the end of the world. I swear, if someone paid me $20 for every stare, remark, or joke I got today, I'd have enough to pay off my college tuition fee! (And keep in mind, I live in the United States). 

At lunch, I took extra care to avoid Jeff. Knowing him, he'd probably make some snarky comment about my skirt, like how he always does with his weird food nicknames; Noodle, Pastrami Bun, Chicken Nugget, Fun Dip, don't even ask. So there I was, scurrying as fast as I could to my seat with my nachos (that I actually looked FORWARD to eating), trying to attract as little attention to me as possible. I think I did a wonderful job... of doing the exact opposite. 

I was just about to set down my lunch when my feet decided they wanted to spontaneously slip on NOTHING. I looked like those idiots on TV who slip on banana peels, except no, I was an idiot who managed to slip-up on a floor that wasn't even remotely slippery! I watched the disaster I caused unfold before me as the nachos- complete with piping hot hamburger meat sauce and equally as piping hot gooey cheese-flung into the air. My eyes widened at the sight, and with my sharp wits and quick thinking, I balanced myself and caught my plate with a stroke of luck, with everything intact and accident-free. I huffed a relieved sigh and sat down as if nothing happened. 

HA! JUST KIDDING! Yeah, that's not what happened. What? Could you really believe that a girl as clumsy as me to have been able to trip on a non-existent object on a non-slippery floor could perform such a feat? (Paired up with the ridiculous foreshadowing in the beginning?) No, the nachos and the rest of my lunch splattered everywhere, onto the table, chair, floor, and most especially me and my pretty little skirt. I might as well have been holding a sign saying "smother me in nachos" 

I'm also pretty confident that I fell in the most dramatic way possible too. The moment I tripped I let out a startled gasp and as if time slowed down, collapsed onto the ground until I flopped onto my side, looking like I lost a food fight at Taco Bell. My dramatic shriek of surprise (which lasted for about ten full seconds) drew the attention of about everyone on this side of the cafeteria, and they all gaped at me, lying in a pile of nachos along with the rest of my lunch, probably thinking "what a loser" 

Well I was a loser receiving about five seconds of popularity that I may never get to experience again so HA TO THEM! It was silent for a second until I burst into a maniacal cackle flicking off the meat and nachos off my skirt as I stood up and casually picked up about a dozen napkin containers to clean up my mess, as if that was normal. Sure people ended up giving me strange looks; especially the servers who yelled at me for taking so many napkins; but that was normal too (A few extra payments of $20 thank you very much). Besides, who wouldn't love all this attention? And where they the ones getting it? Thought so. 

I was still tempted to wipe off that evil smirk on Jeff's face though, with the heap of napkins I clutched when I ran into him knowing he'd start calling me Nachos, or Nachorella from now on, just to add on to my list of ridiculous food names. That's what Kris started calling me at least (I responded by throwing a nacho at her face). And walking past your crush with a lunch tray towering with enough napkins to rival his enormous height, isn't exactly the best way to win his heart either. BUT, as soon as the day was over, the incident was long forgotten (At least, that's what I tell myself). I still stunk of meat and cheese though. And Jeff and Kris didn't exactly forget either (Oh but don't worry, they moved on to different, but equally annoying nicknames), but the fact is, you shouldn't mull over mistakes and humiliating incidents forever, trust me. You'll laugh about it one day (probably). One thing I did learn, was that nachos were evil, and that the next time I decided to eat them, I'm definitely not wearing a skirt.


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