How Much Dignity Do I Have? Nun

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Summary

Who says Nuns can't be Hookers?

Genre:
Humor
Author:
takeastand
Status:
Complete
Chapters:
1
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
16+

Short Story

The black robes swished around my body as I maneuvered through the hallways of the Catholic Orphanage, my hands clasped together underneath my chin. I was late for the Sunday church mass. It’s not my fault I had… other duties to attend to. The church entrance was just ahead, and I could already hear the sounds of the orphan choir singing. Shi- Crap. I was supposed to be leading it today and oh my goodness I would be grounded, which would mean being stuck in the Orphanage all night. I already had trouble sneaking out at night, and I couldn’t just leave my girls by themselves. Everyone knew I’m the leader of the group (everyone but the people at our church, clearly). I quickly pushed the doors open and slipped in quietly, making as little noise as possible. I managed to make it to the back of the mass without anyone noticing me, but Sister Jessica glared heatedly at me as soon as I sat down, my hands still clasped together. Gosh darn it. Now I was definitely going to be stuck here tonight, unless Sister Daniella helped me out. If not, then I would just have to ask Sister Rebecca to take over my unofficial leadership. I ignored Sister Jessica for the time being and focussed on the choir in front of me. Sister Katherine was the one leading the choir. Of course she was. She was the unofficial backup if anyone was absent. She was going to be so mad at me afterwards. She hated this like Frenchmen hate tourists. The rest of mass dragged on slowly, with Sister Jessica still glaring at me and the choir singing in perfect harmony. The priest said some stuff (After 4 years here I still haven’t memorised or even soaked up any of it) and we were soon excused. I was nearly able to escape until I heard Sister Jessica call for me.

“Sister Baylee,” she said, “I understand you missed most of the Choir today.”

I nodded. “Yes, Sister.”

The Sister frowned. “I am sorry to say that you will have to stay in tonight, along with Sister Kay.”

“Please sister, if you wouldn’t mind me asking,” I started, Sister Jessica nodding to continue, “what did Sister Kay do?”

“Sister Kay committed a dreadful case of tomfoolery in front of Sister Madison.” Sister Jessica said, continuing when I gave her a questioning look, “She poured cream all over Sister Madison.”

I giggled, quickly muffling it when the Sister glared at me. “Move along, Sister Baylee. I have more important issues to attend to,” she sniffed, walking off with her nose in the air.

This was bad. Really, really bad. Sister Kay was a part of our group, as was Sister Madison. Madison probably knew that the cream was a joke but she likely wouldn’t be able to get it out before tonight and with both Sister Kay and I stuck in here the team would never be able to go on. There would only be three of us left and there was no way we would be able to go through everyone with just three of us. Hopefully Sister Daniella would be able to figure out a way to get us out. She always does. She’s smart like that.

I was soon ushered into the classroom to begin teaching the orphans for the day. I did the same thing, every day, and it was so boring. Lunch came round, we all said our graces and ate, and then more lessons. Soon enough, dinner had passed and it was nine o’clock. All the Nuns had retired to bed, as had the orphans, and soon enough I saw Sister Daniella gesturing for me to follow her. We walked through the hallways to the main entrance hall, where Sister Kay, Sister Madison and Sister Rebecca were standing.

“Are we ready, Sisters?” I say with a wicked smile. The Sisters nod, grinning back.

“Let’s go.”

We sneak out the front door and walk along a road for about five hundred metres. We eventually spot a small door in the side of a wooden building and I take out a key and open it. Inside is lavish- it is a changing room, with a huge array of various garments. We all enter our own change rooms and begin the transformation.

When I had finished, I looked at myself in the mirror. My face now had the perfect amount of makeup on to make me look slutty but not too much. I was wearing a corset, but I put jeans and a shirt over top to make myself seem more ordinary. I was no longer Sister Baylee. I was now Ginger Vitis, one fifth of the best hooker group in town.

I was the first out of the change room, and I watched as the other girls came out one by one. Sister Rebecca was first, but she was now Lickety Split, and Sister Daniella followed, now known as Chocolate Thunder. It took a while for the other two to come out, and when they did they were not Sister Kay and Sister Madison anymore. They were Cherry Pop and The Knife. We huddled in a circle momentarily, smiling. We were no longer Nuns. We were The Pussy Preachers.

We waltzed out of the door to see that the chauffeur was right on time with the sleek black limousine. We hopped in, chattering excitedly. The car ride took a while, about an hour, but we arrived at the club at eleven o’clock. We had one hour to get ready before we started. Of course, we could always start early, but we needed to make sure everyone was just about wasted before we went out and collected money.

The hour passed quickly and we headed off to our night job. It was honestly a very nice job. They got laid and so did we, but we also got paid. It really gave you quite the profit if you knew what you were doing. The night was full of activity, and by the time it was five I had managed to get through six men, earning just under a thousand. Cherry Pop had done well, earning just over a thousand from men and women alike. The Knife didn't do too well, only getting about six hundred (but she was a picky one), and Lickety Split and Chocolate Thunder managed to make about eight hundred a piece. We weren't cheap, but we were good at what we did, and were well known for it.

We had to leave before the other Sisters of the church woke up and noticed we weren't there, so the chauffeur took us as soon as we’d all stepped outside, speeding us off to our change room. We exited the limousine, walking towards our secret room when we saw a figure about fifty meters away. It was Sister Jessica. Crap. She saw us and moved forward, her eyes widening at our appearance.

“Sister Baylee!” she gasped, hands clutching at her chest, “Sister Kay! Sister Madison! Is… is that you?”

I shook my head, grinning. “You can call me Ginger Vitis, Sister Jessica,” I gestured to the others, “This is Cherry Pop, The Knife, Chocolate Thunder and Lickety Split.”

Sister Jessica clutched at her forehead, staggering back in shock. She was speechless, and her eyes rolled back before she fell to the ground with a light thud. She had fainted.

“Oops,” I muttered, as the five of us walked inside the change rooms to get into our nun attire. Once we had changed, the chauffeur helped us take Sister Jessica back into the orphanage and into her bed. Hopefully when she woke up she would think it had all been a dream.

She did, thank the lord.


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