Chapter 18 || Getting Set To Forgive And Forget...
Do you know that weird feeling you get in your stomach when you are in absolute shock. You just want to throw up and feel so disgusting and just want it stop. The only thing you can concentrate on is that exact feeling and you are not capable of perceiving anything that happens around you, neither passively nor actively.
I stared at Kai piercingly, slowly shaking my head at his despicable grin. I knew that he wasn’t right but Alex obviously seems to have a thing for detestable friends.
Raising my eyebrows, walking towards Kai bit by bit until I faced him directly. His smirk didn’t fade a bit. “Let’s face it, Jessica, Alex will always choose his friends over a girl with a reputation of a hooker.”
“He wouldn’t have to choose if he hadn’t have such a revolting friend.“, my gaze didn’t leave his eyes. “It’s not my fault you can’t get anybody to love you, maybe you should think about the possibility that, in fact, you are the problem and not the other people.”
Fury was building up inside of me, encouraging my inner serial killer but I managed to stay calm in order to not raise any attention. Averting my eyes from him, I stepped back and wanted to leave, but a tight grip enclosed my arm, holding me back. “Be careful, Spring. You should not overtax your pretty little head with things that are out of your realm of comprehension. Don’t do anything, you might regret.”
I yanked my arm away, being infuriated and anxious at the same time. It’s always the people you expect the least to be manipulating assholes. My breathing accelerated rapidly and my head felt like someone had stuffed it with heavy bricks.
I need air right now or otherwise I will hyperventilate right in front of everyone. Ignoring Sofía’s questioning look, I speeded through the patio door, begging for nobody to get the idea to follow me. I felt like I was totally overreacting but I was so done.
Done with the drama. Done with people like Kai and Jayla. Done with everything.
How am I supposed to let the past be the past when everyone won’t hesitate to remind me of it every second of my life.
Standing in the middle of the side walk, I was seeking for a park bench to let myself down on. It was hard to see anything since the street lights were flickering irregularly, until I spotted one in front of their neighbours house.
Slowly approaching the bench, I gradually caught sight of a dark shadow, motionlessly sitting on the bench. As I drew closer I realized that the dark shadow was Nate or at least he looked like him.
“Nate ?“, I asked cautiously, not knowing if my assumption was correct.
“Oh, Jessica. Hey.“, he answered a bit puzzled. I must have probably interrupted his long train of thoughts. “Are you okay ?”
“Yeah. I’m just trying to sort my thoughts.“, he answered, moving aside to make some space. “What about you ?”
“Dito.“, I smiled diffidently. He looked really concerned about something and judging by the circumstances, it has something to do with his ex. I mentally rolled my eyes the thought of her.
“Is it about your ex-girlfriend ? Rumour had it that you two are getting back together.“, I decided to just ask him straightforward since beating around the bush never really works out the way you want it.
“Yes and no.“, he responded, nervously playing with fingers. “Valentina and I talked about everything. She wants me to give her a second chance and I don’t know what to do, so every advice is very welcomed.”
“You want me to give you advice ?“, I pointed at myself. I could use the opportunity to tell him how wonderful Jana is but I also want to actually help him with my advice.
“Alright.“, I paused, thinking about what to say.“Do you want to get back together with her ?”
“I don’t know. We really had a good time and everything but I don’t know if I can trust her again after she cheated in me.”
“Then don’t.“, I shrugged. “Listen.“, I turned to him. “You are not obliged to forgive her if you don’t want to. Your doubtfulness is usually caused by a lack of trust which means you don’t believe in her faithfulness anymore. Don’t force yourself to forgive her just because you had a good time. Think about what you want and then move on or give her a second chance, but be certain about it.”
“To be honest, I don’t want to forgive her. Her superficial behaviour always was kind of bothering me but I didn’t really care about it because I was in love with her.“, he put his head in his hands, resting his elbows on his lap.
“Well, there are plenty of other girls who would kill to be your girlfriend and I’m sure there is someone you feel comfortable with around you.”
Okay, I need to include Jana in the conversation without being obvious, but how am I going to do that...?
“In fact, there is someone I believe I’m developing a crush on. I don’t know her for a long time but she is really cute and has something on her, I really can’t put my finger on it.“, he shook his head pensively. “But I don’t think she likes me back because she seems so down to earth and not like she would deal with guys like me.”
I’m not sure If should ask him about it or not since I’m kind of afraid of the answer...
“Who is it ?”
“It’s you, Jessica.“, he said with a serious tone, putting his hand on mine. My eyes widened at his confession which was hopefully not perceptible. This is not good, not good.
All of a sudden he burst out in laughter. “Oh my God.“, he couldn’t stop laughing. “You should have seen you face. Priceless.”
“Not funny, Nate.“, I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “I was already planning my escape route.”
“Come on, tell me. Who is it ?“, I proceeded my investigation.
Wow, that was easier than expected.
“Have you told her already ?“, I asked him, secretly knowing the answer already.
“Are you crazy ? She would probably laugh at me.“, he turned his gaze away from.
Oh, honey. If you knew...
“Why would she do that ? She is really nice and polite, maybe a little shy but she’d never laugh at you.“, I looked at him expectantly. Where on earth would he get the idea from that she’d laugh at him ? Jana is like a little cute puppy who would never hurt anybody unless she has a gun in her hand than I’d be careful.
“Maybe not, but she is not that easily to impress, at least that is what I assume. Most of the time my presence is enough for girl to like me and, I know, that sounds arrogant but I don’t mean to sound like that. It’s just that it has never been difficult for me when it comes to girls but with Jana it’s kind of different.”
“How do you know that ? I mean, you have talked to her once at our house.”
“Twice.“, he raised his index and middle finger. “A few minutes ago we had a conversation and it was different from what I have experienced before. We talked about our families and she told me about Brazil and everything. I usually never do that because I don’t like talking about my parents but with her it just came naturally. I’m talking about love at first sight or anything cheesy like that, but it was new for me. I haven’t experienced something like that before.
“Yeah.“, I let out a laugh. “Because you never had real friends. In a friendship you let other people in your life and that includes more than borrowing them your credit card. If it feels right, go for it. I’ve known Jana for a while and I’m convinced she’d like you back.”
“Why ?“, he asked abruptly, completely ignoring the rest of what I had said. “Did she talk about me ?“,
I started laughing at his edginess and shook my head. “Just go already and try your luck.“, I nodded my head to Jayla’s house. “Are you sure ?”
I was about to answer him when a sudden voice was shouting my name. “Jessica ?”
“Alex ?“, I yelled back, seeing a black shadow approaching us.
“I’ll leave both of you alone.“, Nate whispered, stood up and left.
I was mentally preparing myself for the conversation with Alex because I haven’t talked to him since our little argument on the phone.
“Hi.“, I tried to force a smile on myself but failed miserably. “Can I sit down ?“, I nodded in agreement.
“Jessica, listen I-”
“No, let me talk first.“, I interrupted him. “I’m sorry for everything I have done to you and I know have been a horrible friend over the past years and you are right I used it the past events as an excuse but it’s really hard if everybody reminds you of it all the time. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I care about you and I didn’t mean to hurt you, Alex.“, my explanation caused me to almost tear up which fortunately wasn’t visible because of the dim light.
“It’s okay, Jessica, really. I shouldn’t have hissed at you like that because I know that you are trying and how cruel people can be. It’s just that I was mad at you because you touched a nerve.“, I looked at him expectantly, signalling him to tell me what he meant. “What nerve ?”
“Jayla.“, I said eventually. “I always knew how she bossy and impolite she can be but my consciousness ignored it. Since the moment you complained about Jayla’s behaviour it kind of made click in my head and I can’t bear with her arrogance anymore, that’s why I’m thinking about breaking up with her.”
My mouth hung slightly open, being completely overwhelmed by his words. I didn’t know what to respond to that since I was really happy but also frightened by Jayla’s reaction. And then there is Kai...
“Jessica, I want you to know that you are one of the most important people in my life and I couldn’t get you out of my head after you visited me with Sofía because if Marissa. I never told you because I didn’t know how you felt about me and I was afraid of the answer since I’m not the type of guy, I believe, you would like more than a friend.“, he put his hand on mine, which was resting on lap, drawing closer to me until our bodies almost touched.
If he knew what kind of an effect he had on girls...
My mind wasn’t able to continue the sentence because I was mesmerized by how close our faces already were. The scent of his odour obscured my senses which made it hard for me to think straight. My gaze froze, making it hard for me to look at anything, but his beautiful brown eyes.
Alex’ bit his lip repeatedly as his eyes were fixed on my lips and he put his hand on my cheek, softly stroking it with his thumb.
My heartbeat fastened in no time, realizing what was about to happen...