Chapter 34 || The Way You Play....
It’s been almost a week since I dramatically stormed out of Alex garden. I managed to talk everything out with Alex, but things are still pretty weird. It’s like one of those moments when technically everything went back to normal but deep in your heart you know that everything is never going to be the same, at least not for now.
Everything is just so weird and I don’t know how to interpret certain situations. Sometimes I do have the feeling that Alex tries to approach me somehow, but is afraid of my reaction. He probably believes that it comes across as if he was trying to use me as comfort which I know isn’t true.
He normally acts really confident as long as he feels comfortable, but when it comes to things he cares about, he keeps everything to himself.
The only advantage this mess has is that Finn and I become really close again throughout the past days. It’s nice to have someone to talk to who is not involved and who does not remind you of the twisted situation you find yourself in.
I was waiting in front of my house, waiting for Finn to pick me up again. We planned to spend the day on the beach since I haven’t been there for a long time. It used to be a thing between my mom, Emma and me, but ever since she died, both of us avoided the beach at all cost, but now I believe it’s a good opportunity to overcome my fear.
I’m sure she wouldn’t want us to miss out on the warm sand, the cold and salty water and the beautiful sunsets that she used to love so much.
I checked the time on my phone, when Alex’ name flashed up on the screen. “Hello ?”
“What’s up, Spring.“, I noticed how he tried to sound casual as always but you could hear that he was only covering up his insecurity.
“I’m going to the beach. What about you ?”
“Nothing much.“, he paused for a long time, so I decided to continue the conversation.
“Why did you call ?”
“Oh, yeah, uhm. The trial of Kyle’s dad is in almost one week and Sofía came up with the idea to come together and figure out a plan to bail him out. We decided to meet today my house around six. Are you coming ?”
I was surprised that Sofía didn’t tell me anything about in the first place. We spend the whole day together two days ago but she didn’t say a word.
“Uh, yeah, sure. I’ll ask Finn to drop me off at your house later.”
“Are you talking about Finn Larson ?”
“Yeah.“, I confirmed, realizing that I probably shouldn’t have mentioned his named.
Alex knows that I was crushing on him a few years ago and now I have probably given him a tiny reason to get a little jealous.
“Uh, okay, uhm. Are you like, uhm, together ?“, he stuttered a little.
“No, no.“, I intervened, trying to limit the damages. “We are definitely not dating. Just hanging out, but not dating, at all.“, I mentally slapped myself for not giving him a simple answer, instead I managed to prattle away, not being suspicious at all.
“Oh, okay. Yeah, it’s not like I’m being noisy or anything. I was just, like, wondering because, you know, he is way older and everything, uh, never mind. Forget what I just said. I need to go now. See you later, alligator. Uhm, bye.“, with that he ended the call, leaving me a little flabbergasted.
“See you later, alligator ?“, I mumbled to myself. Wow, I thought my methods of conflict management were terrible, but he seemed to bring that to a whole new level.
A sudden honking made me snap out of my thoughts and I looked up to see that Finn’s car was parked on the sidewalk in front of me. I walked over to the car, seeing him greeting me with a smile.
“Hey.“, he said after I had opened the door. “Is everything alright ?”
“Yeah.“, I replied, placing my bag between my feet. “I was just having a weird conversation on the phone.”
“Do you want to talk about it ?“, he started the engine and drove off.
“There is really nothing to talk about. He probably thinks we are dating now since I told him that we were going to the beach. Then, he tried to brush it off by talking strangely and saying ‘see you later, alligator’. I know it’s not true, but sometimes I feel like he doesn’t care enough to actually do something.“, I shook my head, looking out of the window and watching the trees pass.
“You know I’m definitely not an expert when it comes to relationships and everything like that, but even though most of the guys claim to be annoyed who don’t say what they want, guys sometimes to exactly the same. Maybe not for the same reason, but they also aren’t always brave enough to take what they want, although everybody pretends them to be.”
“What do you mean by that ?“, I asked, being curious and confused at the same time.
“We don’t have the perfect answer for everything and society has certain expectations on how we have to behave. Nobody wants to be a designated loser, that is why they hurt before they get hurt, mostly unintentionally. I know it’s not an excuse for how we act. The thing is that we might be able to not care or pretend that we do not care what people think about us, but it’s the pressure we put ourselves under that makes us do stupid things.”
“Do you remember the moment when I asked you if you had a crush on me ?“, I nodded hesitantly.
The moment was pretty awkward since I denied it, but he insisted that he knew I was lying. Well, I was...
“I said that I don’t believe you and told you that we will never get together because I think that I’m too old for you and didn’t like you that way.”
Yeah , that was pretty harsh and I felt like one of those freshman girls who just found out that she’s been played by a senior jock. Although, I could have sworn that he liked me back. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Well, I lied. Actually, I had a huge crush on you and I only said that because of that.“, he explained, causing me to look at him even more confused than I already was.
“I thought so too but then you told me you hadn’t. Why did you lie to me ?”
“Because I knew that you loved Alex. I know love is a big word and everything but the way you talked about or looked at him. I knew that I would always be second place, no matter what, and I couldn’t bring myself be in a relationship with you, wondering if you could ever have the same feelings for me as you did for Alex.“, my mouth hung open as he proceeded his explanation.
I’ve always thought that I was the one who has been hurt but turns out it was actually him came off worst. “I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to be because it’s not your fault, you couldn’t have known. I’m just trying to show you that you shouldn’t worry too much on what people say to you, especially guys. I’m not telling you to chase them at all cost. If he likes you, he’ll come around and if he doesn’t say anything, like I did, it’s their fault. Don’t stress yourself too much on that.“, he smiled at me after the car came to a halt in the parking spot.
Maybe he was right, maybe I should just wait how things turn out. I can’t force him to say anything and I don’t want to.
Until then, I will try to find a way to get Kyle’s dad out of jail...