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What REALLY Goes On In Cat's Heads

By AcornStorm All Rights Reserved ©

Humor

The First and Last Chapter

My cats are evil. I don't care what my mum says, they are.
I have proof, too. Like when Monty brings me something he killed in the garden. Mum says it's a gift. As if! Who would give a dead animal as a gift? It's obviously a warning.
I'm getting a bit worried now, though, because the warnings have stopped.
It was just this morning I had been sorting through my clothes and Smokey had padded up to me, looking all innocent.
I had stared into her pitiless black eyes. It was like staring into a dark abyss, like staring into the depths of hell. And mum thought they were cute.
I wanted to look away, but I had learnt looking away makes them think you're weak. They almost always attack after. She cocked her head slightly. And gave me the stink eye. The big, rotten, hairy eyeball. I shivered.  
They're planning something.
Then her ears started twitching. I knew what this meant. I should, after so living so long with evil kittens. This was their way of communicating with other cats.
I was sure she was reporting me to the council of cats.

Smokey sits at my foot, purring evilly. She knows what I'm doing. "Go away!" I hiss. I try to kick her, and she growls at me before plodding away, ears twitching furiously. Probably warning Monty.

I stand back and look proudly at my work. Perfect. It sure looks a lot like cat poop. I go into my room to get my iPod, to take a picture of my magnificent masterpiece.
But what I find shocks me. My iPod is smashed on the ground. But not only that. My clothes are strewn all over the floor. My new phone and headphones are in pieces on the ground.
And there is Monty, next to my laptop. On the screen is a picture of me in bed, sucking my thumb and cuddling Mr. Tickles. Monty's tiny paw hovers, threatening, over the 'enter' button. One tap and the photo is sent to all my teachers, friends, friends parents, friends parents dogs, friends parents dogs neighbours, friends dads parents dogs friends dogs mum, and so on.
Beside him is Smokey, casually sharpening her claws. When she sees me she rests one paw on Mr. Tickles threateningly.
Her meaning is clear. If I go ahead with my plan to kick them out, say bye-bye to Mr. Tickles. And all my friends. And all my friends parents dogs. And all my friends parents dogs neighbours. I clench my fists and slowly back out of the room. I turn to the fake cat poop.
Casually, I empty it out into the bin.
Then I turn back. I know what I have to do. I look to the phone.

"I am a very important official. Is this some kind of prank call?" "No! Sir, it's true, cats are planning to take over the world. I've seen them! Hide yourselves! Form an army!"
The call hangs up. I slowly plod back to my room. They will feel guilty when cats really do take over the world.
I enter my room. And my stomach tightens. The 'send' button has been pressed on my laptop. The picture has been seen by everyone in the neighbourhood. The cats are nowhere to be seen. My room is still a sty.
And, worst of all, with stuffing spurting out, Mr. Tickles lies still on my desk, his head severed. Lifeless. I growl. This means war.


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Alex Rushmer: I just want to say that the writing in this is amazing! I read the first couple chapters and was absolutely drawn in by it, The way you use first person in this story is extremely engaging and does wonders with your character development. I immediately had a picture of the characters and plotline...

Jasmine Chow: As I read this story, I was reminded some what of Terry Pratchett, especially some descriptions of politics and economics. The sci-fic setting is quite intriguing. Writing style is quite lovely and grew on me slowly. I was also slightly reminded of Mark Twain, especially his book A Connecticut Ya...

Kim Walker: The characters in this book was very well developed. It is very evident that the writer put q lot of thought and effort into his work. I thoroughly enjoyed it! The way he described the scenes, the plot, the setting is absolutely remarkable. Two thumbs up!

AASTHA SHARMA: really...one of the best novel i've ever read...a very touching story....really loved it...thanks for writing such a masterpeice...the struggle of the narrator but still remaining satisfied is the thing that i liked the most...another nice thing is the concept of talking with god...in short i wou...

Lake Williams: It was amazing, but the grammar was bad, some of the spelling and wording that was chosen didn't make sense and there are words that weren't spaced apart. I was sad about Max and Allie not working out though, but I am glad Sara and Allie worked and the plot was amazing. Just fix the grammar error...

Destiny Lee: This is amazing. It's totally realistic - cool girls have flaws, too, okay?? Totally awkward girl picks up her mom's old bass from her garage, messes around, and realizes, hey, maybe I can move on after all. She has moments where everything's hopeless for her, after all, an alcoholic dad and a fl...

Pille: I really like the depth of the story within all the crazy charavters and the madness that is the plot. There are crazy stunts and lots of growing up and romance in a mindbogglinfly awesome package. I was hooked from page 1 and just could not put away the book. I laughed like crazy and yet it touc...

ianwatson: The comedy is original and genuinely funny, I have laughed out loud many times reading this book. But the story and the plot are also really engaging. The opening two or three chapters seem quite character-dense but they all soon come to life and there is no padding, filling or wasted time readin...

romboili000: No a fence to the people who wrote those reviews but u are being to judgmental for a few silly little mistakes anyway I really like your story maybe go back and try to fix those mistakes but also please do not give up I really liked your story. And I know you can get far with it so yeah.