Chapter 5: The Election and its Results
“The 7th of February, AD 1874.
The election here in Redcliff is scheduled to take place today and the latest polls still show that neither of our two competitors have an edge. However, this esteemed newspaper is most certain that the fine gentleman, our own Lord Harry W. S. J. Cone will emerge victorious come tomorrow. God bless you, your top hats and the Empire!”
– An excerpt from the Redcliff Inquirer on the big day. This is an example of what an inhabitant of Redcliff might have read that fateful day. It shows how our young friend Mr. Harry Cone was the candidate most favoured by the media. Would that help though?
Mr. Cone arose early morning, filled with excitement (not literally, of course. He is, as you are all aware of, a gentleman, after all.). He had his valet bring him a special coat, designed for this occasion, and then donned his trusty top hat before heading into his carriage, parked just outside his doorstep. Now, it would bring me great pleasure to describe his rather uneventful voyage to you, my humble readers, but since this story is far from over, and since ink is quite expensive, I save mine for a time and place when I am in need of it. I hope you understand.
Moving on, Cone arrived at the Redcliff Gentlemen’s Society, where his upcoming election victory was to be celebrated. Cone would win, he was sure of it...
“Ah, Mr. Corn I presume?” a tall, moustached man, wearing his monocle with pride, said. He could also stand to gain from losing a few pounds. “I am Sir William Ewart Gladstone, leader of the Liberal Party and current Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, but surely, you already possess that piece of information. I have come here to wish you bad luck in this election!” Cone paused. To him, Gladstone seemed like the perfect Briton. Almost, but he lacked... He was too... He was almost too perfect. Tall, arrogant, obviously rich and so on and so forth. But as Cone prepared to counter him, it suddenly struck him that Gladstone could not be the perfect gentleman since he was a Liberal. That’s not the way of gentlemen. Gentlemen are Conservative, I say!
“Hmm, I do not recall meeting you before, Mr. Gladstone. And for the record, the name is Cone, not Corn. I cannot let this insult stand. I hereby, under God, swear to you that my first action when in Parliament will be to legally change your name to Sadstone. How does that make you feel? Sad, perhaps? Now wipe that fake smile of your face and leave this place. This is a Gentlemen’s Society, after all!” It seemed like Sadstone tried to somehow think of something to say, one could see from his quite odd expressions. Failing that, however, he exclaimed “Good day!” in a rather rude manner and stormed of the building. Alas, he had been defeated and the gentlemen in the Society cheered in joy! Huzzah, yet another victory for our glorious champion, Mr. Cone!
The following, meaningless in my opinion, hours, Mr. Cone spent playing whist and drinking cherry whilst making small talk to the other gentlemen at the location. He was interrupted by a messenger, who entered the building and declared that the votes were counted and the results were in. He then nailed a piece of paper to the wall, displaying the following results:
Redcliff Election Votes
Lord Harry Cone
Sir Isaac Oldton
Sir Jonathan Scott
Total Votes Cast
Every gentleman in the Society cheered loudly for Mr. Cone, who had triumphed, even though he only received 46.4 % of the vote and only a bit over four thousand more votes than Sir Oldton. But it was still a marvellous feat.