Wish Making For Idiots

By Adam Goff All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Fantasy

Lesson 3

Lesson 3: Making Good Wishes

It is very true that you might make it past the first two steps unscathed, but you may fall short on this one. So many times have I heard horror stories of people who make really. Stupid. Wishes. Don't make ANY wishes among the lines of:

-I wish I wasn't fat. OR

-I wish I was popular. OR

-I wish I had a tuna fish sandwich right now.

These are plain wastes of wishes. It's like throwing the wishes back into the lamp. You can get these wishes by *gasp* working for them! If you won't take the time to do that, than you probably won't have the time to make a good wish, so put this book...er... screen down. No. Just, just don't. The point of a wish is its MAGICAL qualities! You can achieve things otherwise not even possible by anyone's rules. You need to make wishes that may actually impact your life or even the world. I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy the simple pleasures in life, but I am saying you shouldn't wish for them to happen. Of course, you shouldn't make any wishes among the lines of:

-I wish for world peace. OR

-I wish for world hunger to end. OR

-I wish I had a tuna fish sandwich for everyone right now.

(Notice that the third makes the second moot, and the first and second can both be solved by everyone dying, so let's not do that...)

Unless you are really confident in your wish-making skills, which you shouldn't be (see title), you need to find a nice medium for your wishes. A wish with a certain level of importance, but not so much that it will leave a huge dent on human history, change the human nature itself, or create a paradox. For instance, acceptable wishes may include:

-I wish I didn't have to die unless I really wanted to. OR

-I wish I could learn things faster. OR

-I wish my family could have a tuna fish sandwich every time we win a competition.

(Of course, you should also apply the initial loop check on these wishes. Suppose we change the first one. Perhaps to "I wish I didn't have to die by unnatural causes or natural causes unless I really wanted to and at least three other people agree with me, with no adverse effects thereof." Now that's a wish that might be worthwhile)


There are a few rules which you might have to abide by regarding wishes, but let's not call them "rules." That's such a nasty word! Let's call them GET TOS!

1. You GET TO not ask for people to be killed.
It doesn't help. Killing and violence are not the answer. All right? It plain out isn't right to kill people, or even to wish them dead. You know in your right mind that this isn't right, and nicely ask your genie to not let you kill people through your wishes (make sure you specify this is not a wish, but simply a favor you ask. The more spiteful ones will refuse, so keep this "book" around in case). We all know about those rage fits. You can't hide them. You thought we didn't know. We do.

2. You GET TO not ask for people to be raised from the dead.
Again, it doesn't help. They are in a better place, so do you really want to bring them back? And if you don't believe in heaven, than do you really think that it's a good thing to grasp someone from wherever they are and put them in another situation suddenly? That's a quick and easy way to give someone a stroke. Or a seizure. Or a heart attack. And if you believe in reincarnation, why would you want to take someone out of one life and back into another? They are obviously meant to be whatever they are, and you can also apply the stroke logic here. If you don't believe in any afterlife, than why would you ask for someone back? You obviously don't believe in souls, and if you expect it to work or not, you're going to prove yourself wrong. Genies have no limits. Well, Genies have SOME limits. WELL they have a REASONABLE amount of limits. WELLLLLLLLLLLL never-mind. Forget the whole thing. POINT. There are rules. Er, GET TOS.

3. You GET TO not ask for people to fall in love.
Ugh, just don't ask for this. Trust me, it should happen naturally. You need to be able to find your love, not make it. If you can't find the person you are compatible with, search harder. As Tim Minchin said in his song If I Didn't Have You: Your love is one in a million You couldn't buy it at any price. But of the 9.999 hundred thousand other loves, Statistically, some of them would be equally nice. There are so many opportunities for love, so why waste your wish on it? It shouldn't be that hard to find a suitable partner, either. As Theodore Suess Geisel (Doctor Suess) Once said, "Everybody's a little weird, and life's a little weird. And when two people find each other and their weirdnesses are compatible, they fall into mutual weirdness, and call it love." With those odds, I think I'll gamble. Always bet on tack.

If you run into any other trouble with your wishes involving whether or not they are morally right, then take a look into the Bible. It should give you a few hints on what is right and wrong (WARNING: To actually learn from it, it takes a bit of studying. It's just a thought, if you're having trouble with that sort of thing).

Also, you might run into a snag when it comes to wishing for more wishes. Most Genies or Old Relics won't allow thaaat. So do the best with what you got.

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