chapter six: monday
chapter six: monday
(trigger warning: this chapter deals with abusive relationships and abortion, if you are not comfortable with those topics, please skip this chapter. If you or a loved one are suffering from an abusive relationship, please call the national domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-7233, and seek help. You are not alone - much love and kindness, cam)
(also if you are pro-life, this chapter will make you uncomfortable as the characters do talk about going through with the procedure. DO NOT come and attack me for my beliefs, as I am not attacking anyone’s beliefs)
I kept my hands in his hair as he laid his head on my shoulder, nuzzling into space between my neck and shoulder. His breathing tickled my neck, and I could feel my breathing becoming harder. While I would’ve loved to get with him right then and there, get some dick like Matt wanted me too, I couldn’t. Especially not with Willa downstairs, since I am very loud and I did not want her first memories of me as a lowkey friend to be of me moaning and screaming.
“Let’s go talk to Willa,” Kit’s voice brought me out of my thoughts, which were starting to turn to something I didn’t want to think of just yet. He stood up, keeping me in his arms and I wrapped my legs around his torso. “Keep doing that and we’ll never make it downstairs.”
“We are definitely going downstairs, no matter what I do,” I kissed his cheek, unwrapping my legs from him torso as he let me go. “Also I’m kinda curious, where do you know Willa from?”
“She’s my childhood friend, and even though she’s always been a bitch, she’s the only person who has been there for me my whole life,” He loved Willa with all his heart, that was clear from his tone of voice. I hoped, for my sake, that the love between them was purely platonic or else I was in for the worst rebound case in the history of rebounds.
“Hey,” He must’ve seen something in my face as he pushed my chin up to look at him, “She’s like my sister, alright. I love her but it disgusts me to ever even think about her like that.” His grimace made me laugh, and his smile made me feel warm inside. “Now let’s go talk to her.”
He took my hand and led me down the stairs, where Willa took one look at our intertwined hands and a smile bloomed on her face. I let go of Kit’s hand, walking up to Willa and taking her hand in mine.
“Let’s go to the kitchen, I’ll make you the tea I promised.” She nodded, standing up and squeezing my hand as a non-verbal thank you. As I put the kettle on, I took out my selection of bagless tea leaves for Willa to pick out. After picking out a rose tea, she sat down at my table and tears started flowing out of her eyes. I hugged her and stroked her hair while she let her tears stream down her face.
“He knows, the baby’s father knows.” Her sobs wracked her body, and my embrace did nothing to calm her down. “I don’t want to have this baby, Luce, I don’t want to have it and have to spend a life on the run from its father, I don’t want them to suffer my hatred at having to leave my family behind so they could be safe. I can’t put it through that suffering, and I can’t put myself through that suffering. I’m not ready, Lucy.”
I had gone through this once before. I knew the trauma that came from having an unwanted pregnancy, and the effects that anything you did would have on you. Nothing was ever simple in this life.
“Willa, are you sure I’m the person you want to talk about this with? I’m-”
“I know you’ve gone through this before,” She interrupted, “and I know it wasn’t something easy for you, I’ve been working with you for two years. I just want to know what it was like, please.” I looked down at my feet, taking deep breaths. The abortion I had had was not something I wanted to think about a lot in my lifetime. Riv, my ex, wanted me to keep it. He saw it as a way in which I would stay with him for the rest of my life. A mutual friend of ours found out I was pregnant through Riv, and told me that Riv had poked holes into several condoms throughout our relationship, knowing that I wasn’t on any form of female birth control.
“Willa, I can’t tell you anything that will help you and I can’t influence your decision. Truthfully, I feel like an abortion would be best for your situation, but I don’t know if you want to go through that. In the end, it is your decision, and no one can tell you otherwise,” I felt a knot start forming in my throat, my nerves were skyrocketing. I had never talked to someone about my abortion before my conversation with Willa, not because I regretted it or because it was forced upon me, but because it was and still is something deeply personal for each and every person that goes through one. I gave Willa a kiss on her head and her tea, and walked out of the kitchen, my breath getting more and more erratic with each step I took.
Putting my back against the kitchen wall, I let myself slide down and curl up. Closed eyes, closed mouth, I forced myself to take each breath deeper, making my breathing slow down. The trails of tears coming down my cheeks were wiped away by rough hands, which then wrapped around me in a tight embrace.
He didn’t say anything, his presence confirming everything I needed. He was there. He would be there always. I opened my swollen eyes to look up at him, finding him looking down at me. My hand went up to his cheek, caressing it lightly as he leaned into it. We stayed like that for a while, knowing the world could end around us but we would be safe inside each others arms.
As we sat in silence, my mind went back over and over to what I had heard from the kitchen. I didn’t know the whole story, and I had the feeling that I wouldn’t know the whole story for a long time. Even once she told me, I knew I would never be able to understand what she went through but I would support her. This girl was an angel sent from heaven. She could obviously do some wrong by me or by anyone (she was still a human being), but she was perfect in every way. Her big eyes looked up at me and I saw tears lining her bottom lid. I loosened my hold on her and cupped her face in my hand, to which she answered by kissing my palm, as she had done before.
I was falling for this girl. Falling hard. She brought her hands up to cup my face and drew me in. She kissed me and I felt sparks fly. Corny, I know, but it’s the truth. She was the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with, and I didn’t want to ruin it. Lucy pulled away and rested her head on my chest, hearing my heart beating a thousand times per minute. I wrapped my arms around her once again, feeling her relax more and more by the second as she leaned into me.
“Do you want to go back into the kitchen, or do you want to stay out here?” She took a deep breath, closing her eyes to psyche herself up into going back into THAT conversation with Willa. She nodded, standing up and holding out her hand for me to take.
“I need you with me.”
My heart swelled. Those were the words I had been waiting to hear my whole life. I had never needed anyone, and no one had ever really needed me. I grabbed her hand, using the wall to help me up. I brought it to my lips giving her a small kiss on the top of her hand, and a little wink, making her cheeks flush.
“Sorry I left, Willa, I just needed to breathe for a minute.” Willa’s cold blue eyes turned to see us walking in, giving me a small smile in return for my support.
“No, I’m sorry for pushing you, it was obviously something you didn’t want to talk about and I completely forced you to, it was shitty of me.” She took Lucy’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Anyway, I’ve known for awhile what I want to do, but I’m going to wait a couple more days, just so I don’t regret anything. I know we aren’t that close, but could you come with me? In case I do decide to go through with it?” I was about to say no for Lucy, which I know would’ve been controlling but there was no need for her to be present and no need for her to be in that space again.
“I’ll go with you.” Lucy squeezed her hand back, and gave her a small smile. “Would you like to stay over? I could cook you some dinner and I have like three extra rooms, you could stay in one of those if you don’t feel safe going home.”
“Don’t worry, I think I can go home, but I might take you up on that offer tomorrow after work.” Willa said her goodbyes to Lucy, turning to me and asking me to walk her out. “If you really love her, stay away from her,” she whispered into my ear as she hugged me at the door, before kissing my cheek and walking away to get to her car. I wanted Lucy to stay as far away from whatever was going on between Willa and Alexei. I knew Willa, I knew she would do anything for those she loved and as much as I wished she didn’t, I knew she loved Alexei, which he would use to his advantage. Something about this just didn’t feel right.
And for me to tell Lucy about it, I would have to tell her everything about me.
Including the fact that her father wasn’t a killer.