You got it! You got it! You finally got it! After an excruciating long time of trudging through one banal new release after another, you finally got your hands on an exciting fourth edition to the Superkid series! Now you can read it and show it to all your friends and exchange ideas and theories about who the best superhero - Superkid, obviously, seeing as he's the only one - and the best supervillains are and…
Oh, right, you have to read it first. Fine, then I shall tell you of the exciting adventures that Superkid had while battling giant, ferocious mutant plants that threatened to overrun Poolington and turn every human being into slaves to serve their diabolical, evil, planty needs.
But first, a quick recap.
In the first book, Superkid, an ordinary twelve-year-old kid, who is a bit of a coward, is hypnotized to be without fear and becomes the superhero that we all know and love today. First major bad guy battle is with a giant, malicious arachnid with an atrocious singing voice. Then he gets taught karate by the Black Belt who turns into his archenemy later on. Then he fights an evil mad scientist named Doctor Red. After that he battles the evil Vampire who tries to suck out all his vitality, but he breaks her leg so she swears vengeance on him, which leads up to Book #2…
…Superkid and the Vampire's Revenge where the Vampire escapes jail and concocts a complicated evil plan to kidnap Superkid's mom and then break his leg. She recruits the help of Black Belt, who later turns against her, so Superkid and his friends save his mom and escape. The Vampire goes back to jail. We also got some sneak peeks at Dr. Red working on an evil machine, which led up to…
…Superkid and the Clone, Book #3 where Dr. Red accidentally creates a clone of Superkid who thinks Superkid is the clone and so goes off to take back his rightful place as the real Superkid, which he finds out later he's not, so after they join forces and battle Doctor Red, they give each other a teary goodbye and then the clone drifts off into the sunset… where he went, I can't say… yet. His book will come out soon though, just be patient. I mean, you just got this one and you haven't even read it yet, for Pete's sake!
But with all of those out of the way, it is now time for the story you've all grown beards waiting for! A. E. Lucky is proud to present… Superkid and the Mutant Plants! Da-d-d-da!
It was a dark and stormy night… all right, I'm kidding. It was actually a bright and sunny day… very bright… verrrrry sunny. A brightness that seared the inside of your corneas and a sunniness that boiled your brain into cerebral soup. Welcome to Poolington, a runt of a town fending for itself in the middle of a vast and merciless desert - not to mention, bland.
Now let's move to the outskirts of Poolington where the temperature is even more unbearable - no, you don't have a choice. Here we find an abandoned post office. It's not in too bad of shape. Just a little dusty with graffiti on its walls and a missing "L" in the words POOLINGTON POST OFFICE. The joke's all yours!
Why are we here? You mean to tell me you seriously haven't had enough experience with these sorts of things to know that a story is about to take off here? Well, there's no need to worry because I 'm going to tell you why. Hold on to your hats, everyone.
Past the dusty doors of the Poolington Post Office is the counter where the clerk used to give you your key to a post office box on the walls. Past the door behind the counter between the walls where the post office boxes are is the sorting room where the mail used to be sorted.
And underneath a trapdoor in the sorting room past the counter between the walls where the post offices are beyond the dusty doors of the abandoned post office on the outskirts of town in the middle of… oh, all right! Stop nagging! Underneath the trapdoor was a storage room where they used to keep all their records. You happy now?
But notice I said, "used to" because now it is the lair of the nefarious Doctor Red! Ha! Told you there was a reason to go into an abandoned post office! He had turned the box-filled, moldy-smelling, dimly lit basement into a machine-and-chemical-filled, moldy-smelling, dimly lit laboratory. He was currently working on a strange weapon that would rapid-fire paralyzing pellets for his next encounter with our hero, Superkid. He would use the gun to paralyze the kid hero then finish him off with a machine that would clamp itself to Superkid's head and suck out all his brains until he was left a babbling idiot! Oh, the horror!
But as he was tightening the bolt on the rotational hinge, he heard a knock on the upstairs door. Knock-knock-knock.
He looked up in puzzlement and muttered, "Who could that be? This is an abandoned post office!"
The knock came again. So, with a grumble, he set his half-finished weapon on the worktable and went upstairs to open the door. When he saw who was knocking through the glass door, his face changed from grumpy to eager, for the person knocking on the door of an abandoned post office was none other than a postal worker!
"He must be delivering me my order of extra-large, degradable capsules," said the evil doctor, rubbing his hands together excitedly. He opened the door.
"Are you Doctor R. E. D.?" the postal worker immediately asked him.
"Doctor Red, that's me," he answered.
"Sign here please." The postal worker held out a clipboard and a pen, so he signed. Then he handed the pen and clipboard back to the postal worker, who commented, "You know, I didn't think anyone lived here anymore, but I guess you do." He chuckled.
Dr. Red shrugged and waved his hand over the dusty building. "I plan on refurbishing it once my work is complete."
"That's great. Nice to see old buildings being lived in again." The postal worker wiped a dark curl off his forehead, sighed, and remarked, "Some hot weather we're having. Is that how you got your sunburn?"
"Yep," said Red tersely. Of course, he didn't actually have a sunburn. It was the result of an experimental accident, but that wasn't anyone's business. And the next person to stick his nose where it didn't belong was going to get it fried off!
The postman sensed his impatience, so he handed the mad scientist the package he was carrying under his arm - which was a violation of the postman's code since the post office had received too many complaints about their mail being covered in sweat - and said, "Here you go, sir, I mean, doctor."
"Thank you," said Dr. Red. When he took the box, he was a little surprised at how heavy it was.
The postman tipped his hat and said, "Have a good day, doctor." He turned to leave but then paused and added over his shoulder, "Oh, and don't forget to put on sunscreen!"
The malicious medical professional rolled his eyes and shut the door. He carried his package down into his laboratory, set it on the worktable, then chuckled as he rubbed his hands.
"My capsules have arrived at last. My weapon is nearly complete! Soon, Superkid will be mine!"
Laughing evilly, he ripped off the tape from the package. Still laughing evilly, he opened the flaps and looked in. No longer laughing evilly, he pulled out the delivery from the package. Screwing up his face in puzzlement, he studied the delivery.
"What in the heck is this?" he growled.
The answer to his question was… a plant. To be more precise, a Venus flytrap. To be snooty, a Dionaea muscipula - a species that eats flies or other small insects that trigger its hair-like teeth - called trichomes - which causes it to snap shut over its prey and release juices that digest the unfortunate pest over a course of ten days or so. Ha! Didn't think you'd learn something from this book, did you?
After studying this interesting specimen of carnivorous flora for a few moments, the medical professional growled, "This isn't what I ordered! Where did this come from? What happened to my order?"
Would he have turned his attention from the mistaken delivery to the package it was delivered in, he might have discovered the problem. On the sticker that read, "Deliver to:" the name that was scrawled on it was Doctor Rowenna E. Doublin.
Rowenna E. Doublin, hm… sounds familiar…
We interrupt this narrative for this special news bulletin. Coming to you live from the greenhouse of the esteemed psychologist, Doctor Rowenna E. Doublin. It seems there was a delivery mix-up today, for when she opened her package, expecting the newest addition to her collection of strange and interesting plants, what she pulled out instead were extra-large degradable capsules! The doctor has called the post office to investigate this mistake. The post office assures her they will look into the problem and correct it as soon as possible.
We will now return you to your regularly scheduled narrative.
Doctor Red wasn't too happy about getting an ugly plant instead of the degradable capsules he wanted. He tossed the plant onto the table and then decided he was going to call the post office and complain. That's when he realized he didn't know their number. When he decided to look up their number, he realized he didn't have a phonebook. And when he decided to call the operator to learn their number, he realized he didn't have a phone!
So without a number, without a phonebook, and without a phone, there was nothing he could really do. Now some of you hawkeyed readers might be wondering, then how did he order the capsules in the first place? I'm not really sure how he did it, to be honest with you… but I'm sure I could come up with a creative answer if I really wanted to!
The mad doctor glanced at the Venus flytrap with a look of irritation. He suddenly became aware of how dim it was down here in the basement and realized that plants need light to grow. So he picked it up. He patted the red pot it sat in and said soothingly to it, "Let's find you a warmer spot, shall we? Somewhere with lots of sun. You don't mind sun, do you? Or the heat?"
He found a nice, sunny spot on a windowsill upstairs. After setting it gently down, he looked down at the plant's teeth (trichomes) and with a tempted grin slowly reached his finger into the plant's mouth and tickled it.
The mouth suddenly snapped shut over his finger. With a fond chuckle, he pulled his finger out of its mouth and stroked its broad, flat head.
"I think you and I are going to be great friends," he said to it.
Little did he realize…