The Fisherman Who Saw a Nekkid Mermaid and Cried, "Wah, You Beauty! You Got a Brother?"

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A Children's Book for Grownups On the shore of a seaside African village stands a lone mysterious figure. His name is Yay, and he isn't like anyone you know. "My name is Yay," he tells you now. "I'm not like anyone you know." He is a fisherman, and it is his destiny to paddle the tumultuous waters of a calm river and fall in love with a green-haired mermaid who is out of his league . He must surmount terrible obstacles to win the heart of his beloved--- "And her brother!" he cries. "Don't forget her magnificent brother, who lives under the sea!" --- And her brother, who lives under the sea. He must battle ancient gods and Loch Ness monsters for no reason at all. Join Yay on an unforgettable adventure across many dangerous chapters!

Humor / Fantasy
5.0 9 reviews
Age Rating:

Chapter 1

This story is about a fisherman. Don’t try to make it about something else. Like dancing sheep. You like dancing sheep. Well, this isn’t about dancing sheep. It’s about a fisherman.

So his name is Yay. Yay the Gay Fisherman, that’s what everybody in the village calls him. They call him that because Yay is always happy and merry. “Hei,” they would say, “that’s Yay the Gay Fisherman.”

Oh Yay knew they called him that. They didn’t know he knew but he knew. He would be standing right there when they called him that and he would know, but they didn’t know he knew. It made him very proud to know something all those people didn’t.

The village was, you know, a village. Much like yours, now that I think about it, and I don’t. There were farmers and traders and masquerades for festivals and temperamental artists and a king and several queens. A real African village. So you know it had to have a Yay in it.

Yay knew the ocean, well, the sea, um, the river well. It was a big river, and had a lot of things in it. Whales and giant jellyfish and several dozen Loch Ness monsters. Yay didn’t mind the whales and lived in world peace with the jellyfish but he couldn’t stand, he absolutely couldn’t abide the Loch Ness monsters. There they were encroaching on his territory when they had room to loch about in their own. Yay doesn’t need to see them frolicking in his river. He knows they are frolicking in his river just as he knows you call him Yay the Gay Fisherman too. Yay is very educated and knows you’re just like the villagers, which is no surprise, it is your village when it is not being something else, like someone else’s village.

One day something happened to Yay that changed his life for ever! Yay would never forget that day. Even if he fell to the ground and broke the bone of every fish in his body and all his brains spilled out as a result he would remember, because the ground would never forget.

I will tell you about that day, but not today, because that day is not today, it’s tomorrow.

Today Yay finally got fed up with the Loch Nesses though he’s only known them for a few paragraphs. He put down his fishing net firmly and told them to get out of his river.

“I am putting down my fishing net firmly,” Yay said to them. “Get out of my river.” He was very firm.

And they sighed invisibly and left invisibly and Yay couldn’t see them and he was very satisfied though he hadn’t caught any fish and everyone knows there’s plenty of fish in the ocean. Now other invisible creatures closer to home could have a home. They could tantalize and terrorize the village in peace. Yay was very happy.

He sat in his canoe and many thoughts filled his head, which often happened to his head when he was very happy. He thought of palm wine and egusi soup, and freshly-pounded yam to go with that. He thought of long skies and blue rain and thundering naps, with lots of lightning. He thought these thoughts because, on the days that he was not a Gay Fisherman Yay was a Gay Philosopher.

Yay went home, pleasantly tired from all the work he had done and all the thoughts that he had thought.

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