Undateable me!

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Summary

Nzuki is my name. I am on a journey to find answers to what everyone else knows nothing about. Follow me as I take you into my world..... Everyone knows this savage girl is nothing short of funny! Is she worth any man's attention with her perception of what love should be? Nzuki takes us on a hilarious journey in solving the mad equation everyone has failed miserably in solving. Can she find the cure to dating the undateable?

Status:
Ongoing
Chapters:
5
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
13+

Chapter 1

Montana bay is one of the wildest cities in my country. where I come from, there are many roots and cultures that overflood the boundaries of our nation. I lived in Montana bay. The name according to legend comes from a westerner who travelled far to reach the shores of our coast. We were an island of beautiful people filled with rich culture and heritage. I always had the sense of understanding that I did not belong here. Karachi and Zoliwe are my witness. Those are the gods of our fathers. According to tradition, once a girl is old enough and ripe for marriage, she is sold out to the highest bidder who asks for her hand in marriage. This tradition was transferred from my fathers grandfather’s generation down to our generation. So as usual, my sister Nzoliwe (daughter of the gods) was married off to the highest bidder who asked for her hand in marriage. Not what I will call the typical happy marriage if you ask me. Apart from that small part I left out about the highest bidder being the ugliest as well, he was a wife beater. To think my sister was named after the God, ZOLIWE, so she’d have the best of life was the biggest mistake my Papa and Mama ever made.

Why did such a man not come to me instead. These are the kind of men I will like to teach a lesson or two. If that Zakile was married to me, I will give him poison to die. Instant death will be his portion. I told Nzoliwe countless times to kill the animal, but she wouldn’t. My sister is crazy, but me, I am the craziest in the family. No wonder no man wants me. But what can I do. At age 29, my Mama sounds the gong in my ear like am already 40 years old. Even Tsatsile who got married at age 32 did not go through much stress like this I think. Just a random thought.

‘You want to take away Tsatsile’s record of being the oldest to marry in this town, Nzuki?’ ‘Ay Mama, but I am not that old already.’ When I am old I will get married’. My mama hearing me say this almost collapsed on the hard soil ground. ‘Oh Karachi my maker, look at this girl with pity and bless her with a man.’ ′ Any man I beg of you’. You want to be a grandmother in this village iki?′ ’No Mama, but how I become grandmother when I am not even growing old yet? The argument can continue for days. She wouldn’t let me be so I go out to hunt with the other boys in the city. That made me good money. Who cares about marriage anyway. Marriage Is for weak girls who don’t know their cardinal points from north to south.

Marriage is for weak girls who don’t know their cardinal point? Nzuki, you are crazy! Nzoliga my bestfriend was my twin. We did everything together. And if anyone knew me better, it was her. ‘you call me crazy when I speak the truth?’ What happened to the highest bidder who came for your hand in marriage?′ He run away because the money he used in seeking for your hand in marriage was stolen money iki? Now you are quiet. You are the crazy one. Not me Nzuki.′ You know that was a mistake. Don’t use it to mock me.′ At least I got taken by a bidder, what about you crazy idiot?′ I will beat you to the point of death and no one will save you’. keep trying me there. You know what happened to Kasume the last time she tried insulting me over marriage rubbish. I beat the living day light out of her. But since you are my best friend, I can consider you and give you minor beatings’. I hit Nzoliga lightly on the head. She began to laugh and we tease each other some more. That is how our friendship is. We fight and make up. If ever I don’t get married, I told my friend we would live together as sisters in our own small house. Where no one will worry us about getting married. Obviously, I had plan B in my head. Even though my Pa and Mama didn’t know that.

Six months has passed since my kid brother seeked a girl’s hand in marriage from the next town across ours. Now I was the only witch left in my father’s house who refused to bring any meat home to be eaten for dinner. Don’t blame me if the meat I get from my flying escapades are nothing to write home about. I rather prefer to bring home vulture meat than to carry a man who will beat me up everyday or steal goat money to come pay my bride price. Hihihiii (giggling to myself in my thoughts). Nzoliga made a suggestion the other day. She wants us to go to the big city in search of a man. Before you ask, yes, I dressed her up very proper with insults. How can I, a whole daughter of the mouthpiece of the gods, go to the city in search of a man? is it that I don’t have anything better to do with my life? or that I am desperate to get married. Even the woman in the bible, the one that father Campbell told us got pregnant at a very old age did not loose hope that she would give birth. Nothing or no one was going to make me go to that big city. I love my life the way it is. Spinster or no spinster, I am alive iki?

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ΟΛΓΑ ΒΕΛΗ: ΤΟ ΛΑΤΡΕΥΩ!!!ΕΧΕΙ ΠΟΛΥ ΩΡΑΙΑ ΠΛΟΚΗ!!!ΝΑΙ ΘΑ ΤΟ ΠΡΟΤΕΙΝΑ ΚΑΙ ΣΕ ΑΛΛΟΥΣ.

PurpleStar: I really enjoyed reading this book. I hope you write even more books! Keep doing that amazing writing. 👍☺

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