ErinEph would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Malleus Maleficarum

By ErinEph All Rights Reserved ©

Other / Humor


“You fucking bitch,” he spat. “You’re a fucking bitch.”

Well, I deserved that. I also deserved it when he called me a whore, and professed his disbelief in my behavior, and when he told me that he never wanted to see me again. Yes, I deserved all of it. I hadn’t intended to deserve any of it, but that’s like saying you didn’t cheat, you just tripped and fell onto someone’s penis. Which I’d kind of done.

Fucking someone else wasn’t something I’d planned, but I suppose I did put myself into the situation. There are only so many things that will happen during a pagan camping trip, and going without your boyfriend makes it rather easy to enjoy all of them. It wasn’t the beer or the wine that upset him. It wasn’t the pot or the mushroom chocolates, either. But winding up in a tent the size of a studio apartment with several other people and neglecting to wear clothing was something he couldn’t forgive. Beyond that, celebrating the solstice by being penetrated by a man I was only slightly familiar with and going down on a woman I knew quite well were moot points. He left my stuff in a box, which his roommate wordlessly handed over when I could bring myself to knock on the door.

I drove myself to the free clinic.

Abby had called me the week before to ask me if I felt...different. I explained that aside from feeling like a total asshole for cheating on my now ex-boyfriend, I was pretty much the same. And by the way, thanks for those chocolates. Now that I no longer have to worry about ruining a relationship, I’d like some more whenever you get your hands on them.

“Well...” she began, and I noticed that her voice had lost its breathy lilt. Instead of floating along on a dreamy, slightly idiotic cadence, it came over the phone with gravity. She wasn’t telling me about the restorative properties of goldenseal. She was talking about penicillin.

“Who?” I asked.



By the time I took a clipboard to my seat in a too small, too loud waiting room, I was itching like crazy. I couldn’t find a position that didn’t make me want to claw out my insides. Every time my pen scratched another checkmark onto the symptom sheet, a maddening peal of discomfort flared below my belt.

I glanced at the girls across the room. High school. Probably here to get their first taste of the Pill. One didn’t look up from her texting to watch the Telemundo soap opera airing soundlessly from a staticy TV. The other chewed her nails with such intensity that she’d slobbered over half of her hand. God, girls, I thought. Get some manners.

Manners. As if any regard for those had landed me here. It seemed an eternity before a bored nurse called my name. Another eternity to sit wrapped in a paper towel, cold everywhere but my crotch, which must have been burning a hole through the table. While I waited, I thought about how to tell the boy who’d foolishly trusted me to head into the woods with a bunch of witches. I wanted to wait until I knew exactly what caused me to wish for buckets of ice to sit on. I wanted to be able to tell him without wailing into the phone. I wanted to tell his voicemail instead of having to apologize to his voice. Above all, I wanted antibiotics.

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, ErinEph
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

Jasmine Chow: As I read this story, I was reminded some what of Terry Pratchett, especially some descriptions of politics and economics. The sci-fic setting is quite intriguing. Writing style is quite lovely and grew on me slowly. I was also slightly reminded of Mark Twain, especially his book A Connecticut Ya...

IllyrianFemale: I read this book over a week long period and it had me hooked. The main character Evie was well developed, and had a strong personality throughout the book. I really liked the story that this book had, normally I don’t like books like this but this one was different. The story flowed perfectly an...

May May: Honestly, this is a very interesting story.I enjoyed every chapter, hats off to the writer!

David Ramati: I can easily identify with the characters as having gone through those terrible times myself. The writer has skillfully brought yet another side of those days to life. A good read which I recommend to everyone.

CandyEmms: This book is nicely written.It creates a vivid image of what's happening in the story.The plot,the story,I think is fantastic and it grips you so that you want to read it further.It's the story of a tom-boyish girl who decides to do a secret exchange and go to a boys' boarding school instead of ...

Allyssa: Omg, please give us more! Pretty sure I've seen this particular book on Inkitt Exclusive Reads, so congratulations on being published. The story is nearly perfect, very well written and perfectly executed. The plot is spot on, and the prose is good as well. I have to commend the author on how fla...

More Recommendations

Hayley: Beautiful story that has been well written. Something I will definitely read again. I loved how you could feel the tension between them and I loved the ending because It left it open to our imagination. I look forward to seeing to reading further stories by the same author.

lailachupp04: THIS NEEDS TO BE PUBLISHED I MUST MUST MUST SHOW THIS BOOK TO EVERYONE I KNOW!!!!!!I WANT TO HAVE A COPY OF IT SO BAD!!! your book was amazing and so interesting especially describing Maggie's life it reminds me of my life

tinaasante871: when Max first got introduced to the story I was like#where the hell is I loved every minute of reading this book... it was fantastic although I would have loved to read more about Sara and Allie's wedding.....Anyways I hope u have more of these books installed for us because you'v...

emilia handy: THIS BOOK WAS JUST SO AMAZING?!?!!??! I couldnt make myself stop reading it. it had such amazing characters and an amazing plot twist. i suggest everybody should read this that likes humor as well as romance.

AASTHA SHARMA: of the best novel i've ever read...a very touching story....really loved it...thanks for writing such a masterpeice...the struggle of the narrator but still remaining satisfied is the thing that i liked the most...another nice thing is the concept of talking with short i wou...

sujitha nair: What's so distinct about this story was that it could easily be real.Praveena can be your classmate, neighbor or that girl you saw at the coffee shop today. The important decisions she makes and the dilemmas she faces, remind us of our own twisted lives.

{{ contest.story_page_sticky_bar_text }} Be the first to recommend this story.

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.