Malleus Maleficarum

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Summary

A modern-day re-telling of The Hammer of the Witches

Genre:
Humor / Other
Author:
ErinEph
Status:
Complete
Chapters:
1
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
13+

...

“You fucking bitch,” he spat. “You’re a fucking bitch.”

Well, I deserved that. I also deserved it when he called me a whore, and professed his disbelief in my behavior, and when he told me that he never wanted to see me again. Yes, I deserved all of it. I hadn’t intended to deserve any of it, but that’s like saying you didn’t cheat, you just tripped and fell onto someone’s penis. Which I’d kind of done.

Fucking someone else wasn’t something I’d planned, but I suppose I did put myself into the situation. There are only so many things that will happen during a pagan camping trip, and going without your boyfriend makes it rather easy to enjoy all of them. It wasn’t the beer or the wine that upset him. It wasn’t the pot or the mushroom chocolates, either. But winding up in a tent the size of a studio apartment with several other people and neglecting to wear clothing was something he couldn’t forgive. Beyond that, celebrating the solstice by being penetrated by a man I was only slightly familiar with and going down on a woman I knew quite well were moot points. He left my stuff in a box, which his roommate wordlessly handed over when I could bring myself to knock on the door.

I drove myself to the free clinic.

Abby had called me the week before to ask me if I felt...different. I explained that aside from feeling like a total asshole for cheating on my now ex-boyfriend, I was pretty much the same. And by the way, thanks for those chocolates. Now that I no longer have to worry about ruining a relationship, I’d like some more whenever you get your hands on them.

“Well...” she began, and I noticed that her voice had lost its breathy lilt. Instead of floating along on a dreamy, slightly idiotic cadence, it came over the phone with gravity. She wasn’t telling me about the restorative properties of goldenseal. She was talking about penicillin.

“Who?” I asked.

“Everyone.”

“Great.”

By the time I took a clipboard to my seat in a too small, too loud waiting room, I was itching like crazy. I couldn’t find a position that didn’t make me want to claw out my insides. Every time my pen scratched another checkmark onto the symptom sheet, a maddening peal of discomfort flared below my belt.

I glanced at the girls across the room. High school. Probably here to get their first taste of the Pill. One didn’t look up from her texting to watch the Telemundo soap opera airing soundlessly from a staticy TV. The other chewed her nails with such intensity that she’d slobbered over half of her hand. God, girls, I thought. Get some manners.

Manners. As if any regard for those had landed me here. It seemed an eternity before a bored nurse called my name. Another eternity to sit wrapped in a paper towel, cold everywhere but my crotch, which must have been burning a hole through the table. While I waited, I thought about how to tell the boy who’d foolishly trusted me to head into the woods with a bunch of witches. I wanted to wait until I knew exactly what caused me to wish for buckets of ice to sit on. I wanted to be able to tell him without wailing into the phone. I wanted to tell his voicemail instead of having to apologize to his voice. Above all, I wanted antibiotics.

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Further Recommendations

Ellida Yngente: Well done and well written . Congratulations ! This is a lovely romantic story with good characters

melinscotti7: Great story! Thank you!

Priyanka: I really like your story . Keep it up. I really love how you express friendship, family and love relations. Lots of ❤ 😍 💖 ❣

britg92915: Absolutely love it

trishbertram09: Love the series so far.

trishbertram09: Can’t wait to read the next one.

burnt2: Really easy read from start to finish. I was hooked and couldn’t put it down until the end. Looking forward to the second instalment.

bwhit1230: I loved it from the very beginning and it just got better along the way 💕Thanks for letting me in to your world ❤️

Sherypher Mousah: Loved it every part of it.also liked the romance with out a love triangle always nice, thank you so much.

More Recommendations

Sarie: I don't think I have ever laughed so hard whilst reading a book. Absolutely loved it!!

maggiev8mv: I enjoyed this story. You keep the pace going and added lots of plot twists.Only criticism would be there are places more detail would enhance the story. But that's just my opinion. I'm off to read the next story. Thank you for sharing

Celestial: Love a good rescue and found lost father type story

brandinicole2894: Very fun read. Attention keeping,romantic, sexy, sweet, enjoyed the Christmas theme. A few parts keep me on my toes to read more. I can’t wait to read more by this author. Keep up the good work.

maggiev8mv: I enjoyed the journey into the mc. I read a couple books a day and this has been one of my favorites. A little intense in spots but felt well thought out. Thanks for sharing. Now for Book 2

By Teresa Knapp: Really enjoyed this story! Good job!

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