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Though Mel wanted nothing more than to be down in Professor Faust’s class this morning, though his spirit his willing, the flesh really wasn’t. The breakfast he ate gave him just enough energy to sprint down to the primal classroom, which was anything but. Of all the rooms he had entered, of all the chambers he had witnessed, Professor Faust’s was the most modernized, from chrome walls with in-laid LCD screens to a sleek, white tiled floor that opened and allowed desks out so that there would be just enough for the students currently in attendance. This mitigated space as well as saved on damage expenses, which made all too much sense why the room was the most modernized: you can’t destroy that which can be easily replaced.

Professor Faust himself, aside being one of the few... male teachers Mel had seen at the school, was anything but human. Mel imagined Faust would be the poster child of all future teachers in schools... or, rather, the future monitors. He moved through the room on small, pulsing turbines, always a huge, happy, pixelated grin on the screen. There was the tiniest of red lights on the top of the see-through casing, also showing off the microphone that sat beside that camera, as well as speaker bar along the bottom, buzzing softly in the sterile, chrome room.

Mel walked into the room, to the far left wall, where a half-moon desk rose in anticipation. On top of it was a tablet, flickering to life and opening to a page in a text book he never even bothered to learn the name of, as well as another tablet, notepad ready and waiting for him. Two chairs rose to either side, accommodating his two shadows, and his seat didn’t even huff as he slumped into it. He looked towards the front of the room, and saw that everyone’s scores for the test a week prior were posted on it; to no one’s surprise, he was at the top, followed by Destiny. In fact, of the twenty-four students that took it (the carpet constrictor only took thirty at that time), Penelope scored the lowest. At 2. Out of potential 250... She really was never one to give in to her primal instincts.

Professor Faust whirred over, the smile on the screen becoming a wide grin.

“There he is!” A thick, thick... THICK German accent erupted from the monitor. “I must say, I knew you had the potential but I did not expect you to apply it. Most impressive.”

“Eh, sometimes,” Mel said, yawning.

“Then I heard you subdued the carpet constrictor and saved the majority of the populace. You truly are becoming a local star, young master Llorwyn.”

“All I did was tickle it until it had a tummy ache. Anybody would have done the same in my shoes.”

“And modest to boot. If my daughter wasn’t a corpse, I would have loved for you two to meet. Alas, I think she’s a touch too old for you.”

“Yeah. Not really into necrophilia.”

“Neither was I, but then you get to my age and it’s more THEY are robbing the grave.” He cackled, crackling through that tinny speaker, then ended it with a sigh. “Regardless, start independent study. I have no idea how many students shall show today, but after the dismal presentation of the majority last time, most of them are going back to basics.”

“And what am I studying?”

“You, dear lad, are moving on to the next step -nein! The next three steps. It is obvious you can bend nature to your whim with nary a stray thought. You know how to tame and mold it, so you shall be touching on honing and refining the process. Stone projectiles a la bullets instead of monoliths, a fiery whip instead of a wave-”

“I can already do that one.”

“But what about water? Far trickier since it’s made up of so many molecules. Even when you piss it is tiny particulates being pressed with enough force to look like a stream, but each one is still its own individual part. What about turning wind into a vacuum, sucking it all out of a chosen area? What about changing its pressure so gravity is magnified? How about changing its density around yourself to allow flight? These are your next big steps.”

“Can’t I just blow shit up? That sounds more fun.”

Professor Faust cackled again, the smile on his screen once more a shit-eating grin.

“It is, but you can only go so far with explosions.”

“That sounds like a challenge... I now want to walk the path of explosions.”

“Alas, you won’t get very far, but who am I to stop you? So long as the computer in the subbasement isn’t compromised, I shall be here to revel in whatever you decide to do.” The screen whipped around as the door to the class hissed open. “Ah, Penelope. Dear girl, I am sorry to say you did not-”

“Two?” She shrieked. “Two!”

“I could not give more. It was apparent you are not in-tune with your natural side. Not to mention I couldn’t give more than ten for forgetting water when you summoned that school of fish; if it wasn’t for Herr Llorwyn, this room would reek of them. Instead, it smelled delicious until Saturday.” He turned around, her desk rising beside Mel. “You could learn a thing or two from him... Instead of ogling his body all the time, maybe you should try his brain, pick that for an evening.”

That received an evil look from her, both aimed at the monitor and at Mel, himself. She stormed over to the desk, plopped down at it, and loomed over her tablets, ignoring the rest of the world. Professor Faust returned to his dock in the center of the ceiling, turned into an analog clock. There was a red line for when class started, slowly approaching, but Mel wasn’t too worried about that. He was too busy looking at his tablet, as well. OR, rather, his eyelids. They were so comfy, after all, so inviting; how could he not welcome their sweet, soothing em-

He jumped a little as Brin shook his shoulders. His eyes were wide again, and he could see he almost had face-time with the tablet. There was already a bit of drool on the screen, making it give off a rainbow of colors, wiped off as he sat up again. With aid from Brin.

“Are you sure you wanted to come to class today, master?” Brin whispered. “You’re awfully tired.”

“I wonder why,” he grumbled, yawning again, then leaned towards the tablet again. He blinked several times, each closing slower and harder to open, but he must persevere! He... must... Brin shook him again, making him start, and he could see another long streak of spit on the screen. “I’m awake! I’m awake!”

“Will you keep it down? Some of us are trying to study,” Penelope muttered.

“Still being a bitch?” Saliim chided in. “It really isn’t a good look on you.”

“It’s a perfect look for you, however.”

“Thanks. I worked hard on it. Meanwhile, it fits you like a clown in a corset.”

“I take it you looked in a mirror?”

“No, sadly. They’re all broken. You passed them earlier with that fugly scowl.”

“Couldn’t have been me. My mirror is just fine in my room.”

“That’s because it’s showing you pity. When you look away, your reflection hangs itself.”

“Does yours even show up, or does the vampire myth also apply to succubus?”

“Not helping your case, you know. If my reflection doesn’t show up, then it has to be your whorish sneer that breaks them.”

“You call me a whore, when you sleep with Mel every damn night?”

“There hasn’t been much sleeping as of late,” Mel interjected, snapping up again. He wiped his chin as well as the screen, yawning as he did.

“D... don’t tell m... Oh, Mel. I thought better of you. How could you stoop to... well, which one? I’m hoping you were at least smart enough to look through the doe-eyed one. Then again, the only other option was this b-”

“It was Brin,” Saliim cut in, her voice going soft, “and I would advise you to choose your next words carefully.”

Peneloputty scoffed, earning her nickname again... or at least very, very soon.

“Dammit, Mel... I thought you were smarter than that.”

“My master is very smart,” Brin said. She held Mel up this time, pawing at his chest, rubbing it as she nuzzled his cheek, covering it in kisses. “He’s smart and sweet and kind and caring and-”

“You can cut the facade! You already have your grubby little claws in him. I don’t want diabetes.”

“But... but I am-”

“Cut the crap. Gods, it really is a wonder Mel likes you at all, but I guess all men want the vapid Disney princess personality.”

“Penelope,” Saliim said, her tone rippling, body shaking, “please. Listen to me. You really should be careful with what you are-”

“And you! I remember you fighting tooth-and-nail to get laid. Have you become that cowed to your lesser?”

“She is not my lesser, in any way, shape, or form.”

“Even though you were summoned first?” Peneloputty scoffed and stood from her desk, stomping in front of the three of them. She glared down at Saliim, shaking her head as she chewed on her lip. “I had some respect for you, you know? You knew you were fighting a losing battle, but, here you are, rolled over with a white flag.”

“Yes. Yes, I am, which means you should take a hint-”

“Oh I am! I am taking a major hint.” She put her hands flat on the desk and leaned down, her face mere inches away from Mel’s. Tears brimmed in her eyes, and he could see there wasn’t anger in her eyes. No... she wasn’t angry. She was hurt, agonizing, lonely, trying to put on a strong face. “In fact, I’m sort of glad this all came to light. It just shows I dodged a major bullet... I wanted to apologize yesterday, but now I see I had nothing to apologize for... I must thank you, Brin, for showing that he is nothing more than a bimbo in a man’s-”

“Stone dildo,” Mel said.


Mel twirled his left hand, his index and middle finger raised, then pointed it straight up. The room rumbled, and, from the chrome floor, a solid, stone projectile shot free. It was no bigger than a pickle, no thicker than rolling pin, but it had enough force to pierce her rectum and send her flying through the ceiling, the floors above, and into the starry heavens. As she became little more than a speck in those soft-colored heights, he snapped his fingers, and there was the smallest flash of light from that dot. He yawned, and looked over his shoulder at the monitor.

“Professor Faust, I made a stone bullet.”

“So I saw,” he said. “Well done. Commendations for the bedazzling at the end.”

“Permission to take a small nap?”

“Granted- ah, Dennis and Destiny. Are others coming?”

“They are still in the infirmary,” Maine said, giving Mel something truly unexpected: a warm smile. “They send their gratitude to Mel, though.”

“Well quiddit,” he mumbled, and finally let his face hit the desk, welcoming the sweet embrace of sleep... Sadly, it was short lived as he was called to Benjamin’s office. He didn’t even get into the dream with the seven human-sized seahorses and the mermaids offering engagement cock rings and their fencing sabers before he was pulled out of it by Brin, telling him he was being summoned to his dear grandpa’s office. Again.

What was it for this time? The fiasco with Peneloputty? It was just a hard stone up the ass, no different than getting kicked. Besides, she should be thanking him; it was almost as long and thick as the real thing. Good training, since she needed it so bad. Seriously, a two on the primal test? He didn’t even really try and he passed with flying colors. What was her excuse? It wasn’t like she was lacking in any way, either; she was absolutely in touch with her primal self. Unbelievably crazy.

He still stood and lumbered to Benjamin’s office, running into Peneloputty along the way. She had fallen in the courtyard, twitching, sizzling under the glare from his tower. Professor Klan stood over her, trying so hard to stop the bleeding from... everywhere, really, but mostly her butt. Though she was only a touch cognitive, she still managed to tremble her lip and whimper as he passed, so he gave her what she wanted: another stone up her ass. After all, he was a bimbo; he didn’t know any better.

Professor Klan shouted a curse after him, but he was back to being in a chipper mood, walking faster than it could reach his ears and sully it, and found himself skipping up the stairs to Benjamin’s office.

Finding Daisy inside.

She sat in the right chair, her arms folded before her, still looking so warm and bright even as she grimaced and wanted nothing to do with being there. She still managed a small smile as Mel approached and sat beside, which it was a good thing he was having such a problem that day sitting upright; how did she have this affect on him?

“Hey hey,” she said, waggling her fingers at him. “Are you all rested up from Friday?”

“Nope, because Brin has been kicking my ass,” Mel mumbled.

“Really?” She sighed, and cocked her eye at Brin. “You really should be more gentle with him.”

“I know,” she said, whining, “but I just lose myself when he’s finally inside me.”

“I bet it’s amazing, but if you bend him too much he is liable to break and then what will be left for me?”

“I wouldn’t worry about that. He’s very durable. The things I have already done to him-”

“I have been talking to Miss Dominus about your situation, Mel,” Benjamin said.

“Which one,” Mel implored.

“The one with you being targeted... She was as likely a target as any, and I can’t exactly question those in the infirmary, so might as well check her off.”


“What reason would I have to harass and ruin your life?” Daisy said, giggling. “You’re far too interesting. Besides, once we figure out how to unbind the succubus-”

“Wait. We?”

“She has offered her services in helping to find the cause,” Benjamin said.

“Saliim is obviously not happy here,” Daisy added.

“I can’t argue with that,” the succubus said, “but I don’t hate it, either.”

“And I don’t want to go,” Brin said, hugging Mel tight. “I want to make master happy.”

“It is still better for us to find a solution so that there is at least the option to do so,” Benjamin said, but the way he said it Mel could tell there was another reason altogether. Brin must have heard it, too, for she squeezed him even tighter.

“Well, I wish to stay. No matter what,” she said. “I love master, and shall do everything I can to please him. In fact, if he hadn’t launched Penelope into the sky-”

“Oh. So that’s what that was,” Daisy cut in. Benjamin didn’t need to say anything, giving Mel a scrutinizing glare.

“What! I’m just a dumb bimbo. I don’t know any better,” he said, and chuckled alongside Daisy.

“So are we going on another magic carpet ride this Friday?” She said.

“So long as it is only on the Institute premises,” Benjamin answered for Mel, but shook his head. “I do not believe it wise, in all truth. Somebody still has a mark on you, Mel; it’s best if you lay low-”

“And spend time in your room,” Brin said, kissing his cheek.

“Or you could come over to mine,” Daisy said, and Mel could feel the fire pouring from Brin’s eyes. “We could have another cup of tea, watch movies, and simply... relax.”

“That does sound quite nice-” Mel began, but his face went pale, the sky outside dark as lightning crackled. A harpy had flown in through the window, plumper than the ones before, and circled overhead... landing in between him and Daisy.

“May I help you?” Benjamin said.

The bird woman sniffed, ruffling her wings as they settled to her sides. Mel could see those black feathers were still agitated, matching the lines on her sharp face.

“I wish to know who is responsible for dousing the harpy realm in semen,” she said, her voice as rough as a crow’s call. “The ground simply opened up and blasted all in a gout of white... Over ninety-percent of the population is now pregnant, each carrying at least six eggs.”

Benjamin looked towards Mel again, but the harpy didn’t seem to have noticed, still ruffling its wings and shifting on its golden clawed feet.

“I’m afraid to say that I do not know,” he said. “You say it simply... sprang up from the ground? A fountain of seminal fluid?”

“It was like it simply appeared. The ground wasn’t damaged in any way, and, when it ended, there was no sign from whence it came.”

“So why did you come here?”

“We sent an envoy to all magical dimensions. So far, all pointed here, from a recent incident of somebody destroying their tower with an ‘ejaculation that pierced the heavens’.”

“I prefer to call it a cumehameha,” Mel added... and realized what Benjamin’s stare was for. That was his not-so-subtle way of telling him not to be an idiot. Which he failed.

The harpy turned to him, its great, yellow eyes gleaming as it looked down upon him, drinking him into those magnificent topazes before shifting to the succubus around.

“A man who keeps two demons,” she said, crowing... coyly? She reached out and brushed his face with their clawed hands, gently feeling along his jawline. “A man of incredible power, with an... eccentric personality... yes... this is the one the others described... What is your name?”

“His name,” Benjamin cut in, “is Dennis Rizoli.”

“Well, Dennis, it’s your lucky day. You’re going to be a father... I must return to Hrela. He shall be summoned in three days time. Make sure he is nice and ready.”

Benjamin nodded, and the harpy flew through the window, leaving Mel to bust out laughing.

“Are you sure we’re not part black?” Mel managed to gasp out, wiping his eye.

“I had it under control,” Benjamin grumbled, shaking his head. “This is simply fantastic... I’ll need to send a letter to Ronaldo and explain what’s about to happen to his grandson... You’re all dismissed.”

Mel was still laughing as he left, wiping the tears from his eyes... but felt a bit bad. Deep, deep down. He had impregnated almost an entire population; there’s going to be an entire generation that was going to be half his and they’ll never know their true dad. Not only has he left them without a true father, but he cucked New Jersey into the role... the guilt was incredibly deep down, buried under the sheer mountain of joy he had for NOT having to go through fatherhood... yet. The way Brin tugged on him, though, he had a feeling it was short-lived, but it wasn’t yet, and not to a whole group of eggs. How could this day get any better?

“Mel,” Peneloputty wheezed. She was still in the courtyard, reaching out to him. “Please... I’m s-”

This time he decided not to use a stone dildo but, instead, wrapped her mouth in thick, spiky vines. The way she choked on her words, the blood that trickled between; yup. That warmed the cockles of his heart, and made this close to the best day ever.

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