It is the quiet of time which is most distressing to me it is as if time is a place where nothing but vagueness happens alternating with the violent moments. Some speak about nothing ever happening to them which is what makes their dull lives then they smile of course when I bought the plot and it went sky rocketing it mattered to me. Made a difference. Others would say it is about the birth of their babies’ others would speak it is when they fell out of love or in love. Some would come sheepishly they made a fool of themselves and seek the hand which they had rejected.
When they take the time to exam themselves most find that they were the momentary highlights happiness or that unhappiness. When the tragedies happened and the comedies which they remember, But the thing is most remember the oddities which did not matter at all and smile. What do you know about that person? Most would speak about the peculiar the little traits of moments which did not matter at all. They would say did you remember when that happened because it appeared to be that which made that person. Some would say their smell or their smile or the eyes. Me they remember as this.
“What a disgusting woman you are you did nothing your whole life that is what it this is about you are trying to take our patch what a disgusting personality.”
My dad always remembers me as this cannibal. A child always eating and him being eaten as if in some dumb show making him appear less.
“Tried to take the bread out of my mouth. My other children’s mouths she is wicked unnatural and unkind to me. I as a dad think she should never be allowed any allowance and made to work in order to pay for all this which had happened to me to my family to us.”
I thought to get out of the way as he was making himself more and more impassioned and he would strike out soon. He was like that he would make believe he the injured party and then he would lash out at the very things which were the injuries. I was a child who knew this I do not know why but the very thought of being in that situation made me feel less valued as if I had lost something precious.
Most people would say this is about something nasty but they would be right. On the other hand, you can’t replace your parents even by being this me. I did try to do just that. I tried to be working all the time to make ends meet when my hands gave out, I thought of stragedy’s to make them the family live better but what dd it ends in? Sobering thought dad is clever he is like a stuff dog he would not go he the dad he knew better he knew he wanted something he knew better.
“What is it like in that room with dad?”
“It is rather unpleasant most of the time like living within the close range of a volcanic eruption it might erupt any moment.”
“What did it matter anyway what a child thought at that time.”
“A child does not know it does not have a conscious thought. It is innocent naïve that child is the devil knows too much thinks like a man.”
“A man she?”
“Yes, I swear it she is like a man. Punches like one too sleeps with a scissors.”
“Why do you sleep with a scissors my child?”
“In case the bogeyman comes daddy with the bag and bags me like a chicken I am prepared for him.”
“So, you are going to cut open the bag and let yourself out?”
His closest allies went mad with the thought that their beloved friend had such a daughter they came and left in a hurry.
“Daddy is stupid.”
“Don’t call your pa stupid ever.” Said the woman called mother.
“But he is.”
“Why call them all round here when I should have peace and quiet to learn a language which might help me earn more money.”
“What I have in mind won’t need much education and you will sleep and lay on your back all the time.”
“Not an invalid?” I thought in panic.
“Did she do something worthless?”
“She got rid of her mother her mother can’t stand to be with her constantly calling her a damn whore has made her mother run away with the ties broken and all that. She is an unnatural child doing that to me leaving me without the wife and then I got married again due to pressures beyond my control and she turned out to be a posh woman a proper wife. Did sin too with the sister but soon I will be showing her and her what to do with the whole thing.”
Daddy is over worked I thought he needs a rest.
“Did you speak?”
“Good now go and do the bed I want to sleep.”
“I want auntie.”
“She is here.”
“No, she is not gone shops she has.”
“Then do something needlework and earn some money.”
“Your hungry child I can feed you.”
“I am not.”
“Well what do you need I can get you.”
“I want some thread for the needle.”
Dad was a man who had a lot of affairs to deal with I thought he needed his rest otherwise he was vile. I went and made him a cup of whiskey.
“I need to shave could you sweet heart.”
“I will try daddy it would be a pleasure.”
“Why are you looking like that at your daddy?”]
“The razor might slip daddy.”
“Then you would be without a dad?”
“The thought did not cross my mind.”
“No, I have changed my mind you are most damaging if you mark me or slit my throat why your underage won’t even make it to the court?”
“Would not you like to know.”
“I am going out and leaving you two to starve most danger most danger it is that bad. When a man is afraid of that child.”
“I am not going to starve.”
“Ouch of course not. You think your daddy would take care of you if you behave bad to him.”
“I am being good.”
“Why do you think you are being good?”
“It is better to wait for a wedding ceremony then to live life as a woman who sinned.”
“You want marriage.”
“Of course, to dress in white is my dream?”
“You know there are two dress codes when you die you wear white too?”