Clubbing we do the clubs and the disco dancing and the kissing and the loving and the sham the shame the folly of being naked in bed with that and that wife of his now his wife. His name in the dust his name ashen and mine hollow as that. I am left behind to deal with all that while he lived his life without me. Because she sang better tunes and better off without me this woman who did not speak did not want did nothing but understand. Like any other dog. I am that dog who has now turned against its master and mistress.
Life is what one has.
Life is the deeds which one does not do because of lack of time.
One man’s desires one woman’s wit there is nothing left for the likes of me because I have become this monster of anger of rage there is nothing that meant more to me than his kindness and then he flew off the rails went out of the house did not come back the same.
“I am the beast who went out of the house and sinned.”
“Sin no more my son.”
“That is, it we now sin the better for being involved.!”
“Involved in what?”
“The poor and rich should never mix.”
“It is mistake.”
“Yes, because when the man or woman wants to ditch the poor thing they can just escape.”
“To another country?”
“No to their places where they can be themselves.”
“Pa is the same.”
“He has dozens of identities added children to his collection and then when it gets rough has a violent end which makes the children of his vulnerable if they are not vulnerable, they become psychopaths thereby dad adding to his collectables.”
“Oh, he has many mansions.”
“Drug dealing is a crime?”
“Of course, but daddy and his son and heir love to deal.”
“We love your dad.”
“I loved him too.”
“I am a piece of work.” I said it out loud.
“What a daughter you are what a whore you become. Opposing your daddy taking on a boy friend and being with him and never seeking your dad. He is a mere old man he is trying to be nice to you and what do you do turn against him. It is not natural this madness this strength to go against the paternal daddy.”
“If I get a DNA, I might get something in return from you daddy your billions will be forever in the white no longer. I might get something for all the pain you put me.”
“I am a broken man I don’t have any money.”
“Dad of course you do. I can hear money whenever you walk.”
I went deep inside my thoughts and then it mattered to me to be without the thought. But look when a dad is there forever what else can one do but to make him useful to the daughter’s future.”
“I will not give you a penny.” He raged “I have come to take your house from you to throw you in the insane hospital and now you want money from us my son and daughters’ are my heirs you are nothing they are the apple of my eyes and rather than you have a penny I will squander the last money and throw it to the wolf. The fox I think is about to catch his tail in a loop and get it bitten. It is daddy’s tail too tall now for him. He is walking as a fox does and there is almost this uncanny likeness.
I am not willing they were he said he said it against all the canons of the law of the thought what is the darlings to me when they look mere whores with their overly made up masks and their coolness and their rattling misdeeds which speaks volumes of dishonesty and contempt for anything honest? We are ladies we speak as ladies do and in perfect grammar.
“The darlings of my heart.” He continued to rage there is almost an engaging aspect to him how cruel he had been and the benefactor of my stories I thought as he too had been in my youth the glutton who had fed on my sadness my tragedy and all that. Now I feed on his discomfort I feed on his helpless anguish that he will soon die I think in his rage he is too sober he said he is too smart to die and his principles will live on.
“Down to the last drop from you because you defied me you defied the conventions of being obedient daughter and have ruled in a impossible household when I sent my sister to be killed and to get her lands from her and you worked and achieved respect in the community and then I killed her anyway.
“He did not kill mum we would not have allowed it.” Said Z and B. But they were plotting to because mum the first suffered from depression and they sat down and plotted I remember that day. Then the music and laughter followed so what had happened?
“Her depression lifted.” Said both the girls. They were behaving in an oddly united front about all this. There is almost this bazaar quality to the whole thing. But back to the nightmare of being in a world with dad there is nothing I can do about that. He is too powerful and of course he knows it.
They would have done anything for peace and quiet and some money.
“We did love our mother.”
“What happened to them all?”
Dad on the other hand has discovered eternity and has the eternal thing which he so enjoys.
My sisters have become creepy they do nothing but sit and chat with mother as if she is the whole focal of their interest nothing else matters to them. It is most peculiar don’t you think?
Nothing but that?
But it is justified they will soon lose their mother and she has been in a domestic situation. Yes, silly me.
Now most opportunely they have gone on this holiday too. It is more than bearable they left me without money to do derelict garden. I did its officialdom I did the garden now my temper has improved and I do not sleep but work harder than ever.
“His anti -ageing has driven him more and more careless and outside his norms of behaving in the dark.”
“But that drives madness?”
“No, I only dye my hair.” He said as same as everybody.