Hush I Have Lands

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Chapter 9

Being a woman with disabilities one is a suspect all the time is she right in her head did she give a damn. So, his wife being a doctor wanted to put me under microfilm which would make me an understood specimen. I would be dissected and made into some sort of thing which can become the goods which would melt the pot for me and therefore I could join society. The thing was she hated me too. The thing was a doctor is human too. The thing was the feelings of beasts can’t be contained it can destroy the whole beneficial aspect of being the doctor patient and that makes the reverse feelings instead of getting better my legs became crippled.

Joint pains sent them to my knees and hands there is not much a woman does all day but to feel the pain. The pangs of feelings sent me the very thoughts that life is short. So, while she and he went dancing and drinking I set to mend my fuses.

“Sleeping is the key to happiness.”

“Now it is my turn to roar and I am going to do just that.”

“Sleeping is a sign of good health.” Said daddy.

“To set the dogs on me and then come and busk in this afterglow of that.”

“Sleep my child.”

“I am not going to.”

“Then we will make you sleep.”

The species was strange I did nothing all day and did not want to join a group and did not have any friendships which was very strange so she put me on medications.

The injections caused my liver to dry out the thing the doctors said I should get along with my family otherwise they would increase the dose they increased it to 60 doses. Every fortnightly and that made it a very high dose.

My liver dried out.

“Sleep my child do not quarrel with everyone.”

“Customer services and all that.”

What did it matter to me when there was nothing left but a six feet room which was the only thing, they allowed me to have? Otherwise when I went to the other room, I was not safe. Someone took the keep sake mirror to prove the point jumping as they leapt into the balcony as they flew as I had been cat napping. In my sister’s room which I had seen as mine because she no longer lived in it. The French doors the thing which I set my mind of being in when the robbery happened it seemed like a warning.

This is an open space a café it could be anybody. I thought as much because I lived in a café and there are so many windows I am to be penalised? Damn discrimination and the official just went out. That blank stare they had something more important to see to they had the walkie talkie and they went they just went.

Living in a café is the key to my whole success in life is it not? From puberty to this there is no justice in all this.

The hated jobs that they left for me to do nothing but that they left things for me that they did not want done. I was done for and they would have done me for a room?

“We wished to let the room.”

“Rent the room?”

“Good money can be had for it.”

“No use being wasteful.”

“Money is money.”

That someone with some grudge is a person who has done wrong and must be put in her place. I plead with everyone what does a woman do who comes from this background?

“They went clubbing and they were here and there doing the good acts.”

“They were so high minded and high handed.”

“He could not see the wood for the trees.”

“But she saw through it all and guided him nicely.”

She married him for the love of glamour his flame became his dame and the toilet issues was a dame and a John and then went and I wept. You know when someone important like that takes the only thing holding you on that means something. It matters more because he the soul and the most important man in my life. She convinced him otherwise. She used all she had and she had plenty. She he said fed him and he was that much better off with her than with me. The love he felt for me was now dormant and he did not even want to know my presence was irksome because daddy had taken on a persona and had kissed me killing the romance with the real man stone dead. Seeking the help of others is not the key in life the only person who can in the end help you is yourself. I did not know this coarse white skinned man as daddy he was the man who was whiter than white and why should I associate my olive tanned dad with this loser? That was that when I thought nobody could do with me incest. I was very wrong and what nagged me for years was that dad was this man who would seduce his daughters.

“Deflowered?”

“No.”

Such a lot goes in there the little things which mattered to me made me now broken hearted. I mopped all day long and did not much around the house dad had to cook the meals himself as mum had lost her leg.

Never mind it is a complicated story.

He got married and my life was now hell.

“Sorry madam what did you say.”

The queue in the shop was intense and the momentary down from the misery of the heights was such a little aside a little moment to capture I thought away from misery. Away just away.

“Aspirin please.”

“Yes madam.”

I had never been called a madam before I was so chuffed.

I had no idea he now speaks to me the past into the present that the whole family can be afflicted when a strange woman called a mum loses her leg. I thought about the whole remark and that makes it worse it is as if we are animals.

“What matters is that I was in the wrong I had not told him I had never been candid about what went in the house and now I was in terror of something I did not know what.

“What a prank.” They all told dad.

“That is a man after my own heart.” They all cheered on. “Daughters too expensive set them to work.” Then they banged their fists with the jest.

Venom takes years to congeal and infest the soul. Revenge is sweet but what that does to me is destroy my very peace and serenity. That I am a disrupted individual with the cares which set on me. What are my cares?

“Money is there nothing for me the pot is empty.”

“That the very fondness which I have got make me spend myself and then she comes and takes the lot because the husband and me did not have a threesome.”

“Being a misery is spoiling this?”

“Misers are like that.”

“She does not give money giving money is a disaster for her.”

“She has billions from her moves.”

“She is this woman who does everything has the gold.”

“She makes more money in a minute than I do in a life time.”

“I am not a vain woman?”

“Sometimes a bite of the cake will make me happy.”

“You are diabetic.”

“Yes, but somethings would be nicer when there is a recompense.”

“Poor people do not need money.”

“She a work alcoholic gold digger.”

“She stole my heart.”

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