SPENDING MY SUNDAY holed up in my room wasn't something I wanted to do. After my confession yesterday, I tried texting Asher multiple times apologising and asking him to hear me out but I got no reply. And James on the other hand hadn't come out of his room the entire time which was something I didn't expect from him considering how the boy loved food.
I sighed, this was my own doing and I had to fix it immediately. I couldn't have both my brother and best friend mad at me simply because I made my choice about my life-which I knew they just wouldn't understand why I did it in the first place.
"Honey you need to come out of your room and eat something," dad's voice sounded outside my door.
I groaned and pulled the duvet further up my head. "I'm not hungry," I shouted.
I heard dad sigh before there was a soft click and then a creek as the door opened. I still didn't pull the duvet off even when I felt the bed dip as dad sat down.
"I know you don't want to talk about it but I know your brother will eventually come around and you guys will patch things up."
"What about Asher? Do you think he'll forgive me?"
Dad was silent for awhile before he sighed, "kiddo I can't lie to you and say he'll forgive you just like that but I know he will eventually. Just give him some time to process things and cool off," he said gently patting my foot. "Now c'mon you need to take a shower and eat something."
I lay there under the duvets pondering over what my dad said before deciding to just suck it up and take a well deserved shower.
Okay Alexis you can do this, just knock on the door and everything will be fine.
I could feel my breathe hitch in my throat as I stood outside his door, My hand shook and palm were sweaty as I tried to knock.
Finally, I got my hand to stop shaking and did the one thing that I dreaded to do- I knocked and waited for him to open the door.
"Leave me alone."
I knocked again but this time with more determination. He was going to open that door whether he liked it or not.
The door was yanked open with a dishelved looking James staring right at me.
"What do you want?"
I swallowed the lump that was beginning to form in my throat and said the first words that came to mind. "Can we please talk?"
James stood there with his icy blue eyes boring into my my brown ones. He didn't say anything but only pulled open the door wider for me to slip in.
"Make it quick, I don't have time to listen to more heart breaking words from you," he spat the words with so much venom that I could feel each word slicing right through.
"I deserve your harsh treatment," I began playing with my fingers to ease the nerves that were slowing consuming me. "But would you just please listen to me. I'm your sister and I want you to support me with my decision and not treat me as if I were nothing but a stranger to you."
"Wow! Now you're playing the whole sister card on me after just dropping such a bombshell on everyone yesterday. Now you listen to me, how would you feel if I told you, mom and dad that I wanted to basically die and leave everyone who loves me behind, huh?"
James' words cut deep and a tear rolled down my face, I knew he was right and it wasn't as if I could take my words back. "I-I.....you don't understand James. You're not the one whose basically a walking zombie that could die any time and leave the ones that love you behind," I shouted.
"I tried the treatments and they aren't working, I'm not going to be a selfish person and allow mum and dad to continue wasting money on me when it's not doing anything to make things better. I would rather they spend that money on you, on trying to give you a better life," by now the tears were falling freely and I couldn't be bothered by them. "I know you think I don't love any of your guys but believe me I do and I know it hurts but it's for the best."
I sunk to the floor as the tears continued staining my face and blurring my vision, "I'm sorry."
James crouched down besides me and pulled me into a tight embrace, "I know you mean well for everyone but it's just hard, I can't watch my baby sister slowly lose her life while I can't do anything about it. Just please promise me you'll think about it?"
I shook my head because I knew he knew I wouldn't change my mind about it. "I'm sorry James," I croaked.
"Shh stop crying Lexi," he said gently stroking my hair. "I love you and I will no matter what happens.
We stayed like that for what felt like hours with me holding onto him tightly until he pulled away, "I think my butt just fell asleep," James said.
I pulled away and stared at him before we both burst out laughing at his weirdness. "Really? We were having a brother-sister moment and you ruined it by talking about your butt."
"What? My butt really does feel numb right now and considering you were mostly on me, you wouldn't know the feeling," he said flairing his hands up for emphasis.
James got up and helped me up as well, "care to watch a movie with me my lady?" he said in a fake British accent.
"Indeed my kind gentleman."
And that's how we spent the next four hours binge watching TV and eating popcorn.
"James can I ask you something?"
"Do you think Asher will forgive me and talk to me?" I asked running a frustrated hand through my hair.
James paused the TV and turned to fully face me, "I can't answer for him but I know he needs time to process the fact that his childhood best friend wants to die and can't do anything about it. I mean it's still hard for me to come to terms with it but I can't do anything to make you change your mind. You're one hard-headed girl." he said with a chuckle.
"Yeah I know, it's just that he's my best friend and I don't want to go knowing that he didn't forgive me." I said with a shaky breathe.
"Asher is his own man and I know he will eventually come around. Just give him time okay Lexi?"
"Good! but I hope your decision is worth it in the end," James said and turned back to the TV.