“What’s wrong?” I asked Chris, running my fingers through his hair. He grunted, giving me a narrow look before returning back to sighing.
I frowned, quite frustrated by it. I’d already searched every single inch of the room for something — anything out of place, but there was none. The books on my table were arranged how Chris liked them; the biggest at the bottom to the smallest on top. My closet doors were closed, and every other thing was arranged either according to function, size, or relevance.
“If there’s anything that’s out of place, you could just point it out,” I said, running my thumb across his creased brows.
“Something’s wrong, but not that. That is fine,” he said, closing his eyes.
“What’s wrong then?” I asked, feeling a bit frustrated. Chris was usually straightforward, and beating about the bush really wasn’t his thing.
“I have to do something — I promised to,” he said, opening his eyes to look at me. They were dim and sad looking.
“What?” I asked, feeling a bit scared now. Did it involve me?
“I have to annul our relationship,” he said, pulling away from me. My eyes widened in confusion. Why?
“I swear if this is some sort of joke—”
“It’s not a joke,” he said sharply, making me look into his eyes. I bit my bottom lip trying to prevent the wailing I was doing mentally inside me from slipping out. I wasn’t crying but my eyes already felt like they weighed a ton.
I gasped, not knowing what to do as he got out the bed. I curled up in a ball shaking as I watched him pick his bag from the floor.
“Why?” I managed to ask as his hand touched the knob of my door.
“I promised,” he said as he opened the door to leave, closing it politely behind him. And that’s when the tearing up and the wailing started. I coughed not knowing how to stop, my eyes were aching and I was having a mental breakdown.
Damn him, damn his manners, and damn the way I was acting now. I turned to the other side, uncomfortable at seeing the wet patch I’d created on the pillow.
I cried for a while, cursed for the remaining half. I curled up in a quiet ball after I’d shed all the tears I could, and started feeling pain from my throbbing throat. I turned my head so I could see the time. It was half-past one in the afternoon, and considering the fact that this was a Saturday, I doubt I’d be leaving my bed anytime soon.
I was stuck between dozing and crying until I heard the sound of the door unlocking from downstairs. I sat up wondering if Chris had come to take what he said back. He just has to take it back.
My hope was crushed when I heard Sky calling out for me. I rolled my eyes in irritation before burring myself under the sheets again. I’d given her a spare key a while ago, and I’d asked her to come over so we could revise for the semester’s test.
Why now? I asked the heavens as my room door creaked open. I was not in the mood to get up, and neither was I in the mood to study.
“Alex?” she called as she walked in. I didn’t answer her, just curled myself up into a much smaller pile.
“Alex, is something up?” she asked as I felt the weight of her sink the bed. I got terribly irritated by the question. what the hell did it look like?
“The ceiling,” I said coldly.
“What?” she asked again. It took her a while to realize it was just a cruel joke. She sighed heavily before I felt her hands grab the covers. I didn’t stop her just averted my gaze so I wouldn’t have to look at her.
“What’s wrong Alex?” she tried again, lying on me gently. She hugged me to herself, reminding me of my mum. Mum, I need my mum. I thought, tearing up again.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what happened?” she asked, wiping my tears. I coughed, turning away from her. I really didn’t like people seeing me like this.
“Chris doesn’t want me anymore,” I said, pulling away from her before sitting up on the bed. My hair was sticking to my face, making my tear-blurred vision even worse.
“If it’s just a fight—”
“It’s not a fight. We never fight — fought sorry. He broke up with me,” I said, hugging my knees to myself. Sky went silent. She sighed, running a hand through her hair in thought as she gave me a sorry look.
“I wish I could give you advice, but I honestly know nothing about this,” She said giving me a sorry look. I rolled my eyes, wiping my tears with the back of my hand.
“Asexual friends are so not worth it,” I joked, making Sky attack me with a pillow. I forced myself to laugh. I was done crying. I’ve been crying a lot lately and I hated it so much.
“How dare you Alex! After all this time, I’m not worth it!” She screamed tackling me until I was flat on the bed. I laughed although it made my head pound with pain. I grimaced eventually, pushing her off me to show I wasn’t in the mood. She rolled over to lie beside me, taking the hint.
“I can’t believe he took it seriously,” Sky muttered to herself, making my ears perk up in interest.
“Who took what seriously?” I asked, turning to face her.
“Err... nothing. It’s not a big deal,” she said, waving her hand over her head in a dismissive manner. I frowned. Sky was pretty easy to spot when she lied. For one thing, her face turned bright red like it was doing now. I ignored it, deciding to find out later.
“It seems you want to be alone. I’ll be leaving then,” she said, getting up from the bed before straightening out her shirt that got rumpled over our short play.
I nodded towards her, still deep in thought. Who could have done this? Why would Chris just leave me like this?
I heard my room door close as Sky left. I looked towards the clock. It was already three in the afternoon. The sun bounced into the room from the windows, giving the place an odd glow.
I turned my head towards the phone, wondering if my mum was still busy at work. I felt my eyes tearing up again. I’d only spoken to my mum when I was in situations like this about three times, and she’d helped me make the best decisions about it.
I looked at my hands through my tear-blurred vision. I wanted to do something, but I couldn’t trust myself. I would end up doing something stupid — something cruel.
I remember when I was in middle school, and I finally decided enough was enough from my bullies. I’d lead and locked one in the boiler room stuffed with art fixative fumes and helium. I lead the other into the bushes and into a pit filled with my pet fire ants.
The next day I was taken in for questioning along with my mother. I rarely lied, so I didn’t. They convinced my mother to take me in for testing, they’d tested and found that I displayed bipolar disorder, and had sociopathic tendencies due to antisocial personality disorder
I saw my mother cry for the first time in ages, hugging and assuring me that everything was going to be alright. We had a long talk after that and I felt calm, and strangely fulfilled.
Their parents had pressed charges, but my mother had pressed charges too saying their sons had put me in my mental state with their bullying. They had eventually dropped their charges. I was shipped off to a rehab center the next month, and when I came back my mum was out of the country due to her promotion and I never saw my bullies again.
I sighed, turning to look at the ceiling. I thought hard, wondering who would have made Chris do this — then it clicked.
“I’m going to kill him!” I screamed, holding on to my forehead. I’m going to kill Travis. I’m going to tear him to pieces and feed him to the street dogs. I—
I sighed, forcing myself to calm down. I’m not going to do anything rash, just reasonable payback.
I got up from my bed, moving to where I had my dirt on people, taking the tape from an old cardboard box. I turned it in my hand, wondering if what I was going to do was too mild of a punishment.
It will have to do. I thought, returning it back to the box. Travis just officially put himself on my mess up list.