This is when the Trojan horse comes barking up the wrong tree and stays for tea. How does a man from Mars come down and stay for the company of freaks and disabled person and seems to live life as a freak himself? It is a wise woman who stays with such a man who cannot fix the tap mend the fence and do the little jobs but knows where Mars is to a letter and knows every song in the book? What use is such a man to me?
He knows all the facts in the book he knows where and what book was written by whom and he does not even say the worst words in the English language he does not dare to speak he does not dare to speak in front of me in case he speaks the wrong word. He is in a fix he is in such a fix he does not dare to say anything to harm me because I am a delicate woman who has stood by him and understands him but not his needs. His needs are the pornographic kind and he does not relish looking at the same wife or woman in some distress I find in me responding not at all to his unkindness. I am in some hole to we have been together seven years and we are both set in our ways and he does have a tenant who is very demanding and I am beginning to think he likes him better than me.
To think he is not much to look at I go over it in my mind he is not much to look at he does not mean anything to me he reminds me of my mother he does not even cut his hair he does nothing to make himself presentable. He does not love me does not make an effort he does have an effect but what kind is nothing to do with lust or love it is elemental like a kettle responding to water.
What has hurt me what has it done for me this lack of respect in me to his body is that my body is aching because he does not have any money nothing to give me nothing at all. He is all pure love and understanding he does nothing to do the right things he is passionate but not responsive? No, he is responsive but not passionate I cannot think straight there is somehow something in us that is nothing to do with words and there is such a pity such a pity for the right words do not come out. We are almost like bored with each other he does not want to know me because he knows me. Been there done the deed and do not want another woman spoiling my life. He has been married before he does not want commitment, he has nothing on offer but lust and kindness and love but no understanding.
What does a middle-aged woman have on offer? Plenty nothing does nothing and there is a scandal what does a woman want in the sixth year of her life? What does she mean to others? We want to live in your house and have all that you have worked for. Well that is reasonable excuse what else? We do not think that you worked enough you have had no jobs at all. Look the career did not happen but I did a lot of voluntary work. That does not count never made anything of yourself. The thing is when the beast is money when money talks there is nothing that reason will want. Money talks in so many ways. I meant no harm to anyone in the family but what I did was just deserts they deserve to be sent up.
But back on the man who is sitting in the chair with his back to me he seems preoccupied with the many delicate things and deeds which matter to man how to smoke and make more and do less. He is a delicate man with small and delicate nostril which flare when he is annoying. When he smiles, he smokes like a chimney and seems to think and think without speaking.
“We all think he is a hoot where did you get him?” asks dad and everyone in the family have come around joking and jostling thinking he is the numbed number who must seem and I must seek help to rid myself of him.
The thing is he is not handsome?
No, he is nothing to do with looks and if a man is about looks, he will lose in that department.
My mother said as she sussed out the joke well, he is different to the usual Turk.
“Well he is nothing to do with us and that is what I asked for I did not want to end with a relative.”
“What is wrong with marrying a relative intermarriage has produced us.”
“Yes ma.” I try not to cry.
Dad has been as I say following me round since, I was eight and this has made me mature beyond my years at primary school everyone said I had a boyfriend.
“Don’t be vulgar.” I would say to all my classmates but then I began to be ostracised.
“Cheap having chaps follow you round.”
There would be so many fights and there was nothing to learn from the teaching staff they had never dealt with migrant population before.
They would smile blandly.
That is a woman teacher treachery.
Dad has been around a bit has he not?
Well a police woman said as I told her someone was stalking me a dark handsome male and she seemed to think I should be following him as he so good looking he is a good looking but he is my dad.
The thing is when a daddy is let loose like he is because he is a grand actor and can impersonate anybody, he is well received has well educated manners and he is mean as hell so he has money.
That is enough of daddy’s money he would become unhinged if I told you the amount.
But he is rich and he does not like to think of himself as anything but poor because he has not had everything in life. When he does, he will die happy he told me once looking in a certain manner at me. I think not daddy.