"Lady-men and gentlemen, this is Dung Number 5!"
I groan aloud when they start yet another of their annoying songs -- it's pure torture. I mean, it's really agonizing. I'm in the most pain I've ever been in my entire life, and this is me not being dramatic.
"One, two...three, four, five," Jam and Oog attempt to sing together while hopping around in their dung outfits like bouncy balls, "everybody kick BoyBand out the car, so come on let's ride...to our man Jay's place around the corner, the girls say they want some Oog and Jam but we really don't wanna...issue like last week, they must not weep, because in fame we're deep, we hate Bella, Grey, Nancy and even Emma, and as we continue you know they are getting meaner--"
I tune out when Gland takes over. I'm so sick and tired of being mentioned in a bad way in every single damn song of theirs. AJ has no idea, no freaken idea....
AJ touches my hand with her own, causing me to snap out of my trance of hatred. "This is so great!" She squeals in excitement, sending me a joyful smile that makes my heart pound just that much faster.
I guess going through this hell is worth it.
I shake my head while listening to Gland singing the lyrics of a song that already exists -- 'A Little Bit Of...' by Lou Bega. They're butchering a true classic. I don't get how they have not been arrested for this yet. All their songs are copied. I can not be the only one on Earth who sees this?!
"A lot more of Eela in our lives, a little bit of J-Dawg by our sides, a little bit of FeeBee is all we need, a little less of White Boy's what we wanna see, a little bit of Blubber burning in the sun, a little bit of BoyBand crying all night long, a little bit of Simo, where are you, a little bit of them makes us so cool!"
I roll my eyes when they sing the next already-existing-verse together:
"Jump up and down and move it all around,
shake your head to the sound,
put your hands on the ground,
take one step left and one step right,
one to the front and one to the side,
clap your hands once and clap your hands twice."
"They don't even know left from right or the difference between once and twice," I tell AJ over their loud music as I watch the idiots go the wrong way and bump into each other while clapping five times. I might be a little condescending but they're pathetic.
"They do it on purpose, Benjy," AJ replies loudly, sure of herself, stupidly copying their incorrect actions.
Yeah...I highly doubt that.
"Dance with us!" AJ elbows me, forcing me to oblige and dance to the stolen song. How does she not see see it?!
I slap my forehead but humor her and shake from side-to-side, earning a laugh from her. Immediately, my irritation with these morons vanishes.
"Fall in love with hobos like us," Jam sings, wiggling up and down like a worm, "cause you can't run and you can't hide," Gland raps, looking very intimidating in doing so -- you really can't run and hide from him, he'll find you. Oog finally concludes the song, "You and us gonna munch the sky! Dung Number 5!"
The three throw their mics into the air and sprint to the edge of the stage before diving off of it like insane people. AJ shrieks and runs to catch their stage-dive but I pull her back before she can get squashed by them. As expected, at least from me, no one catches the three losers. They fall to the floor with a loud clashing sound.
I stifle my laughter. This is what they get for upping all their prices just for me! How embarrassing! I almost feel bad for them...not!
AJ and the others all erupt in giggles when the three 'stars' get up from the floor. It's then that I see that they're all laughing with them and not at them. Jam, Oog and Gland are laughing hysterically despite no one loving them enough to catch them.
I frown in frustration. Why can't they ever lose?! I'd kill to see them lose, just once!
FeeBee runs up to embrace them, clearly proud of them...for some reason. Jam, Oog and Gland return her group hug. They then thank their audience before tossing some of their clothing bits to their idiotic fans who stupidly fight with each other in order to get a small piece of the Dung Beetles.
AJ cheers wildly for them while I try to restrain her from going after them as they start to leave the stage. Her cheering, since she's the only one cheering, captures their attention. Oog snaps his fingers at Gland. Gland turns round and meets my gaze before spotting AJ beside me. He glares at me, immediately recognizing me, before deliberately blowing a kiss to AJ.
I fold my arms across my chest and scowl at him while AJ gushes in awe.
I know what he's trying to do! I hate him!
Gland removes his shirt and tosses it AJ's way. She squeals and runs to catch it while I continue to watch on in disgust. I shake my head at Gland, aware of what he's doing. If she weren't here with me, he wouldn't pay her such special attention.
Next thing I know, AJ's looking at the freak of nature and pointing repeatedly at me, gesturing to him to give me something of his too. It comes from a good place because she wants me to feel included and assumes that I'm one of their biggest fans even though I've told her, in no uncertain terms, that I can't stand them. The girl refuses to accept my hatred for them.
Gland nods at her before quickly taking off his boot covered in metal spikes. That's when I find myself dodging the heavy boot coming my way. I have no doubt that he directed his aim to my face. I duck and just miss the thing from hitting me and potentially killing me.
Gland grins and shoots AJ a thumbs-up before flipping me off when she's not looking.
AJ, oblivious as always, beams at me when the trio and FeeBee finally leave the stage. "Now you have something of theirs too."
Fantastic! I'll use the boot to find Gland and clobber him to death with it.
"Yay," I reply in sarcasm.
She cradles Gland's shirt to her chest and smiles up at me brightly. "This was the best date I've ever been on."
Despite Gland and his garbage band, I'd have to agree with her.