Strange Bride

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Ride into the sunset on a donkey

It was a normal day again. Chris just woke up and found the bed empty. Does she have an internal alarm or something that wakes her up before him every time? He looked his face in the mirror and felt a shudder throughout his body. His morning face was not something that one wants to look at first thing in the morning. He felt sorry for his wife and headed towards the washroom as he was not constipated like Weston was. Take that Weston the ass centaur.

It was a Sunday and his asshole of friends were all too busy to hang out with him. He will have fun without them even if he has to ride off into the sunset with his wife. He was more than determined to make the most of this opportunity.

First thing first, where is she anyway? Chris found her in the kitchen. She was done preparing breakfast and was just about to serve coffee as if she knew he would walk in right at that moment. What kind of sorcery is this? Bugger off paranoid Chris. Today is the day I ride off into the sunset with her. How does anyone ride off into the sunset anyway? I’ll think about the details later.

Good morning, breakfast smells good. Thanks for making the breakfast. I was thinking about making it today but you beat me to it. Cue Chris’s famous awkward laugh. Presenting you the recipe of Chris’s famous awkward laugh. When he was little a divine power was bestowed upon him in his dream. It was some kind of liquid and was sparkling. The lady giving it to him did not look like a scam to him. He agreeingly took the water that was in a peach looking pot. At least that was what his innocent mind thought that time. So he drank it and it tasted like donkey piss. Don’t ask how he knew what donkey piss tasted like. He just knows. After that that cursed laugh followed him everywhere and likely would follow him to the grave that will put him into hell for sure. And he is pretty much sure that the pot looked like donkey shaped ass. Oh my god was it a real donkey’s ass and he didn’t see clearly.

“Chris, are you okay? You look a bit pale. Did you sleep well?” His wife’s concerned voice brought him back to reality. He looked at her properly and he noticed she was blushing and he had no idea why she was blushing. Why social clues aren’t a subject in school? He felt so uneducated right now. Now he remembered the dreaded conversation his wife was having the other day that made him want to learn all the code languages in the world.

Past

The dreaded conversation over what Chris lost his damn sanity that he didn’t have in the first place...

“oppa isn’t here right now. Oppa was so close to making me faint the other day. ” Who is this oppa and why is he trying to make her faint?

“I think it would have been better if my life was the movie like five feet apart.” Did he smell that bad? He has to change his body spray pronto.

“It hit right in my kokoro and I was done for and I was ready to die happy right then.” What body part is called kokoro and why getting hit there makes her want to die happy.

Suffice to say, Chris didn’t hear the rest of it and lost his sanity that he hadn’t much in the first place.

Present

No you can’t die happy yet. You have to ride off into the sunset with me.

“Chris, are you sure nothing is wrong? I can’t understand what you are talking about.” Then she placed her head on his head and smiled gently at him and patted him on the head.

Chris decided then he would talk stupid the rest of his life just to get her hand again on him like that.

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