Not Quite an Introduction, Just a Lead into the First chapter.
“Would you like to hear a story?
“Alright, let’s see here…ah yes, my favorite story of all time: the family history. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this one before.”
“Oh good! That should put me to sleep quick-like.”
“Oh I don’t know about that, my dear. This here is the most fantastical, transcendent, awe-inspiring piece of factual history ever to be put down on paper.”
“If it’s true, then by definition it is not fantastic.”
“I just meant that it’s a whimsical story.”
“Again, your description betrays your attempt to convince me of its factuality.”
“How ’bout you just listen, eh?” *clears throat* “Now… where should I start?”
“Wherever’s the most interesting.”
“Alright. I know just the story…
Welkom, willkommen, welcome!
I’m so glad that you could accompany me,
On this tale of adventure, woe and glee.
If you stick it out, to this book’s last extent,
I promise it will be time (and money) well spent.
’Tis a story of insanity and cuckooness too,
And aside from this sentence, I swear it’s all true.
So come along, enjoy that which is sublime,
And don’t you worry; this is probably the last rhyme.
In case it has not been overly obvious yet, dear reader, this story is going to be one of drollery and comedic tomfooleries. I warn you now, from this point forward there will be a profusion of puns, a hoard of hijinks, a wealth of wordplay, and a volume of visual gags (actually scratch that last one), so if by some slight chance your radius and ulna are connected directly to your scapula (which is to say you don’t have a humerus) I suggest you put this book down immediately and pick up one more to your liking. If it is young adult books that interest you, may I suggest the best-selling novel Sexy Teenage Vampire Wolves in a Dystopian Future, or if you like romance novels then the one for you is Get a Relationship, It’s Better in Real-Life, or if perhaps you are a professional Olympic runner and wish to improve your form, then you simply cannot go wrong with A History on French Wars. If by some slighter chance you still follow along, then I shall stall no longer. Read on, and enjoy.