Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 9 of 12)

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September 26

September 26

Somehow, I did it. I woke up at 7 a.m., got out of bed, and managed to get my life together. That was by no means a small victory. Where’s my fucking medal?

I arrived at The Clubhouse on time, pushed through my 9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. shift, and left on time. Nothing interesting to report. Today was the usual juggle of completing just enough work to look productive, spending a lot of time on the internet, and pretending to be interested in the 800 different ideas that Big Bird regurgitates, one on top of the other. Sometimes, Big Bird won’t even finish explaining one idea before she’s onto another one. It’s no wonder nothing ever happens in that fucking office. Big Bird can’t even keep track of her own ideas, let alone my workload. Still, as the weeks continue to pass by, I inch closer to my freedom. Get those coins, Kurty.

The weather was a pretty miserable today, which would normally leave me feeling the same way emotionally/mentally. Fortunately, I think I purged all of that negativity from my system yesterday during the hangover from hell. Natasha said she was still hungover today, which didn’t surprise me. We all seem to have had a great time, though. Including Kate, who I also messaged today. It was nice to know that I didn’t royally piss anyone off. Well, except myself. And my bed.

I’m happy that the wedding is over. Partly because I don’t have any more money to be spending on bridal party stuff, but mostly because this was the last of my “events” for the foreseeable future. Roughly translated, that means I don’t have any more drinking obligations. It may sound silly, but that’s actually a huge relief for me. In fact, I fully intend on avoiding drugs and alcohol until at least Halloween. At this point, I’m not even that inclined to drink on Halloween. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there, though.

One thing I worry about when I make these decisions to avoid alcohol is my social life. I get nervous about having to drink in social settings, which typically results in tapering off my friendships for a while. It’s a foolish thing to become anxious about, but that’s the way things work. When you hang out with friends, you drink.

Dan’s been asking to hang out and have a night where we watch Mariah Carey videos, which have historically always involved weed, drinks, and a lot of junk food. I don’t know if I can bring myself to commit to that kind of hang out right now. It’s not about wanting to avoid my friends. On the contrary, it’s about wanting to avoid situations that feature all of my vices. Perhaps we can plan a movie night or something. I don’t want to become a hermit. At the same time, a part of me feels like my energy reserves are so depleted that the only way for me to get myself back together is to retreat into a fortress of solitude for a while. We’ll see.

After work, I went home to pick up my rental suit and drop it off at Freeman Formalwear. Fortunately, they didn’t notice the missing cufflinks, which I lost while dancing like a maniac at the reception. Bonus. Following that, I returned to the Witch Cave, made dinner, watched some TV, and then took a longer than anticipated nap, which had me leaving for the gym at 9 p.m. Damn it.

Tonight was the first of the much anticipated US Presidential Debates, so I did 1,500 sit ups and ran six miles while listening to Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton battle it out on a live NBC/YouTube feed.

It’s moments like these when I am seriously terrified for our future. The US is fucking nuts. Canada certainly has its issues, but I find it so unbelievable that we are neighbors to a bunch of fucking nut jobs. Who in their right mind could possibly believe that Donald Trump would be a suitable leader? This was supposed to be a joke, and now it’s gone way too far. When will this fucking nightmare be over for the rest of the world?

I’m so tired of watching this garbage. I actually feel dumber after experiencing Donald Trump. I also have a headache from shaking my head in disbelief. The worst part is that Trump supporters are so fucking bat shit crazy that if – hopefully when – Hillary wins, she’ll probably be shot dead within a few months. I’ve yet to encounter an acquaintance who openly supports Trump, but if/when I do, that person will be blocked faster than Trump spitting out yet another lie. It’s embarrassing.

What has our world become? I read an article today that talked about contacting possible life on other planets. How can we expect to get along with other intelligent life when we can’t even be civil with the people on our own damn planet?

After my standard post-run sauna and shower, I took the subway home and wasted the rest of my night pon de internet as usual. I am so behind in my personal life right now – writing, emails, my resignation letter for The Store, etc. I have to get it together. I feel like I might be on the verge of an all-nighter just to pump everything out. Fuck. I need to get my life back in order. Like I said, I’m really happy that all of these events are done now. Time to focus.

Well, first we masturbate.

Then, we sleep.

Then, we focus.

Goodnight xo

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