Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 12 of 12)

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December 2

December 2

Today was the day. Holy shit!

While stoned in bed last night, and eating more cookies than anyone should consume in a single sitting, I began drafting my resignation letter for The Clubhouse. And by “drafting,” I mean that I asked Dan to forward me what he gave his boss when he recently quit his job. I then proceeded to cut out most of the pleasantries, and change the names, job title, and work location. Done!

Writing my letter was the moment everything really clicked. I am doing this. This is happening. It’s almost surreal that I’ve basically spent the entirety of this job experience wanting to quit, and now it was the eve of my resignation. My stomach turned as I read the letter back to myself before bed. I couldn’t stop thinking about how horrible the process was going to be. So, I ate another cookie, retrieved my damp laundry from the basement, and turned off the lights.

Once at The Clubhouse around 9 a.m., today was business as usual. Essentially, I was occupying myself with anything that would distract me from the fact that the countdown was officially on. At 3:30 p.m., I was going to be reciting my exit speech to Big Bird. I had been practicing it out loud since the minute I woke up this morning.

Big Bird was out of our office quite a bit today. While she was in a morning meeting, I printed off my letter, sealed it in an envelope, and practiced my story once more. If anyone asks, I’m going to be working on a year-long creative project contract with my Uncle Jack, who works for The Walt Disney Company in San José, California. Ha! One can dream, I guess. Also, I love how that backstory was Mom’s idea. Now, I know where I get it from. Yikes.

As it always does, the day progressed. Big Bird mentioned that she wanted to have a meeting with me after we finished our lunches, as she wanted to go over how to conduct a building tour for prospective members. Meanwhile, I have been giving fucking impromptu tours for the last six months. Now, Big Bird wants to teach me? Well, you waited a bit too long on that one!

Lunch was over. We worked for a bit. Then, it was time.

Oh! Wait a minute.

Before it was time, I opened my personal email and noticed a message from Jacqueline – the Amphitheatre Entertainment VP who I spoke with yesterday. Apparently, Jacqueline loved the Clubhouse newsletters and MOMENTS party description I forwarded. Even better, Jacqueline offered me a writing assignment for Amphitheatre’s blog! If that wasn’t a sign I was making the right decision today, I don’t know what was.

Following that lovely email moment, it was officially time to bite the bullet. I had to start my Lamaze breathing exercises. I could literally feel my heart pounding in my throat. I needed to calm the fuck down! Big Bird gathered her paperwork, we left our office, and settled into one of the upstairs meeting rooms so that she could teach me all about tours.

Truth be told, I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to interject my resignation into our meeting. Before we got started, Big Bird brought up the Clubhouse’s upcoming holiday party that Stella had harassed me about last night. This was my moment.

“Actually,” I stuttered, “I was hoping to speak to you about that.”

Five minutes later, it had all come out. I may have avoided eye contact for the majority of my speech, but I delivered what I believe was a pretty calm and collected resignation. Then, it was all over.

Big Bird was incredible. I was completely taken aback. The woman was literally wonderful on all levels. I couldn’t have been more shocked. Big Bird was happy for me, encouraging, and kept telling me that she wasn’t the slightest big angry about me quitting – as I admitted that I thought she would be. I couldn’t believe how well it was going. I literally thought Big Bird was going to leap across the table and go for my jugular like a lioness. Or, maybe peck out my eyes like a bird of prey. Nope. It was the complete opposite.

The conversation took a turn. Things got even better! I told Big Bird about yesterday’s unpleasant encounter with Stella, and how her abrasive attitude certainly didn’t help to sway my decision. In response, Big Bird began venting some of her opinions on Stella. Then, she paused.

“It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to speak about those issues with you,” Big Bird said.

Another pause.

“Well,” Big Bird continued, “I guess it doesn’t matter much. You’re leaving anyway.”

That’s when Big Bird ripped into both Stella and Lawrence. I talking about fully tearing them each a new asshole. It was incredible! Big Bird even took it to the point of saying that she thinks me leaving is in my best interest – and that she’s not far behind.

Apparently, Big Bird has been actively pursuing new employment this whole time. Who knew! Big Bird also admitted that the company’s current operation is the worst she’s seen it in the five years that she’s been working at The Clubhouse. This was amazing.

The way Big Bird handled today’s situation was better than I could have ever hoped for. After all that’s happened with this job, I have a newfound respect for her. Given all of the shit I’ve written about the woman over the past six months, I know it’s very hypocritical of me to say that now. Still, Big Bird really surprised me today. I am so appreciative of how she handled my resignation.

When the clock struck 4 p.m., I ran out of The Clubhouse like Forrest Gump. Once it was all over, I felt so damn relieved. On my way to the gym, I called Mom and told her all of my amazing news. This was such a great day!

Once at the gym, I started on my usual routine. Earlier in the day, I had messaged Colin – the Instagram guy – and we continued to chat as I worked out. When Colin mentioned that it would be nice to get together this weekend if our schedules allowed, we had officially crossed into new territory. Now, we were talking! Colin ended up giving me his phone number, which meant we were able to migrate our flirting from Instagram chat to iMessage. Wow. Things are really heating up fast with this one! At least they’re fucking moving, though.

Over the course of the last month, I’ve been talking to a guy named Phil on Tinder. Every day, Phil messages me and initiates a conversation. Without fail, Phil also never takes our discussion to a new level. Why are you messaging me every day to talk about what you ate for dinner? I don’t care, nor do I need a pen pal. Ask me out, or get the fuck out. You choose.

Not wanting to pass up the opportunity to meet Colin, I gave him my schedule for the weekend and he did the same. It just so happened that we were both free tonight, so I asked Colin if he wanted to go to dinner. He said yes! Now, I just had to pick a time and get my ass home to beautify myself for the upcoming encounter.

I finished up at the gym, raced to the Witch Cave, and got myself together. I looked pretty good! My hair was working its magic. I was ready. Thanks to the bus, I was also fucking late. Tardiness is always embarrassing when you’re on a date, but it was what it was.

Given today’s events, I decided that it would be funny to have dinner at Big Chick. So, that’s where Colin and I met at 8:30 p.m. When I finally arrived at the restaurant, Colin was already at a table with a beer in hand. Damn. Nonetheless, we hugged hello and the date commenced.

Colin was very handsome. The guy looked just like his pictures – did I just write that? – and was really easy to talk to. Perhaps too easy. I literally stopped myself about 73 times throughout the evening, because I knew I was talking too much. Calm down, you fucking lunatic. I was really trying to keep my crazy down to a shout, but I am only human.

We were at Big Chick for a while – maybe two hours or so. Although dinner was delicious, having a first date at a BBQ joint while wearing a white dress shirt probably wasn’t the best decision. When I escaped to the bathroom after our shared plate of ribs, naturally, there was a big chunk of black something in my teeth. Great!

Overall, the conversation was surprisingly stimulating. We talked about everything from Colin’s interest in curling, to Halloween costumes. We also drank a lot. Since I had asked Colin out to dinner, I had intended on paying all along. I didn’t expect the bill to be $150, but it was what it was. And what it was, was that I was going to put the meal on Mom’s credit card so the Casa Z fire insurance would reimburse it. Here’s hoping!

Despite my endless word vomit, I think tonight’s date went really well. Colin is really friendly, seems very smart – he has a Master’s degree, so there’s that – and he is incredibly handsome. I mean, I look at him and think to myself, “Damn. You are fucking fine.” I would definitely let Colin do some weird shit to me in bed. Not that it takes much convincing, but still. I’m into it.

Walking to the subway together after dinner, there was a lot of friendly banter along the way. Dates are so much like job interviews, aren’t they? At least, they are for me. I always leave a date and interview with the same two thoughts:

“Did I come off too strong?”

“Was I too casual?”

I really did try to pull my kookiness back a bit tonight, but there was only so much I could do. I’ve also developed a bit of sailor’s mouth recently. I wish I didn’t swear as much as I did. Oh, well.

Colin lives so far on the east end of the city that he might as well live in Nova Scotia. We stayed together on the subway until I had to transfer. Just as I was leaving the train, there was a quick peck on the lips. It was nice.

Back at the Witch Cave, I received two text messages from Colin:

Colin: “Hey, thanks again for dinner. That was really nice of you.”

Colin: “Had a fun time tonight and hope you got home okay. Looking forward to next time. :)”

So, I guess I did something right? This is kind of exciting! Tonight was my first date since July – and it was good? I’m sort of in a bit of disbelief.

By the time I got home, it was well after midnight. While washing up for bed, I reached for my pipe and sparked up. I listened to Mariah Carey’s “Emotions,” and did a happy dance before crawling under the covers.

I quit my job, was offered to write an article for one of Canada’s largest entertainment companies, and had an impromptu dinner date with a super handsome, smart guy. What an amazing day!

Goodnight xo

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