Pre-cursor - I decided to write this as I start my weight loss journey for good. There will be mention of different weight programs in here, along with medication that is prescribed by a doctor. I don’t know if anyone will honestly read this, but writing is cathartic for me and I want to get my thoughts and feelings out in a form in which I am better at telling than anything else.
So if you are reading this, thank you. I hope you enjoy my journey!
Please also be kind to yourself, life is hard enough as it is and this journey though it will have the hardest of times in it, it will also prove valuable to let us know how strong each of us is.
So with that, let’s begin day 1!
Date August 10, 2020
Weight – 291.4
I was a little surprised by my new starting weight. I figured it would be higher since the last day I weighed in before I started this, I was 293 point something. And I didn’t eat that well over the weekend, but I will take what I can get, tomorrow who knows what it will be.
I never thought i would be in this position quite honestly. Growing up and all throughout college I was pretty athletic. I played soccer and rode horses. I did track and field in middle school. I am one of those that actually like running. It makes me feel free inside and I love the way my body feels after a good run, exhausted but light. Looking back at pictures from those days, I wish I had never had the thought distortions of I am too fat and I need to lose weight, when that wasn’t the case. I was good as I was. I thought I was fat in a size 8 jean. now I’m in a size 16-18 jean. How’s that for doubling in size!
Now though I am 5′9" and the aforementioned weight above. How did I get here you may ask? Well, I certainly haven’t keep a good diet up and for about 2 years I was dealing with trauma and the toll it takes on ones body can be extreme. It made me feel lethargic and I had very little energy. This resulted in me sitting on my butt most of the time, and I still do for work! Because of this and craving shakes and mozzarella sticks it certainly didn’t help my figure and voila weight gain!
Now that I am feeling better it’s time for me to take back control of my life and actually lose the weight for good. That’s where some weight loss programs will be heard throughout this narrative. I will now have tried 2 weight loss programs and both will be explained a bit below.
This week I am starting a new program called Torch. Noom and I just weren’t getting along anymore, and I felt I wasn’t getting what I needed from the program. I wasn’t reading the articles and I wasn’t logging all or any of my meals. I had been successful on Noom last fall when I was really going, which was amazing. I lost 20 pounds over 5-6 months and then maintained for a while. I don’t think my body likes losing weight, but I want to lose it.
That’s a question that my new Torch coach asked me this morning, was why am I doing this program? Why do I want to lose weight? Noom asked me to find my ultimate why. Which is harder than I realized. I kept bouncing around what my big ultimate why was and honestly, I don’t think I’ve found it yet. I want to lose weight to feel better about my image. I want to lose weight to feel more desirable to the opposite sex. I want to lose weight because I don’t want parts of my past to hold me back. I want to lose weight to be able to do activities that are currently hard for me to do.
Those are all great reasons to lose weight, but it still makes me ask the question why. Why do I really want to lose weight? I really think this is an obtuse question that maybe isn’t as answerable as other questions. I think we have the reasons we want to lose weight, but as we lose it our vision shifts and the reasons change. I think if I take this approach to this and understand that my why is going to change as I change, that I won’t put so much pressure on me to succeed.
Noom was a great program and I enjoyed the psychology behind why the way people eat and learning to eat to live not live to eat is an important lesson, but I was tired of always counting calories and reading articles that I felt I already knew. To anyone who is wanting to maybe learn why they eat the way they do and help control the portion distortion I would definitely recommend it and no I am not getting paid for saying that.
Torch is a new program I am looking into. It looks like it is similar to Noom in some aspects, but it also involves medication. I am already on medication for anxiety and depression and I feel like it’s getting harder and harder to lose weight and figured this might be a good way to jump start the weight loss program.
I want to make sure I document the good, the bad, the ugly, the happiness, the ups and downs of this remarkable journey. I think that it makes it more real and holds me accountable to me so that I can lose weight. I know that there will be scale fluctuations, Noom was great at teaching you to just go with the flow on scale and weight fluctuations and that there are other victories in the weight loss journey that make it all worth it.
I certainly haven’t eaten the best today. Breakfast started out pretty good, but then I had some not so great zebra cake snacks. I don’t feel overly full which is good, but I know I haven’t eaten the best. I’m going to get some walking in tonight which will be good, while I buy a new washer and dryer since the one my sister got had mold in it and we think it’s giving the dog allergies. So not good time to go spend even more money!
Another two things I know I need to get back on track is drinking enough water. I bought a huge gallon water jug to help with that. Also I need to get moving more. I know part of the reason I gained back so much of the weight, was one I got COVID and that was a pain in the a$$, but then I work for a bank and the CARES Act passed in the United States and part of that was the Paycheck Protection Program that helped business’. It was quite an eight weeks of work! I was glued to my chair and my back got stuck in a hunched over position and I lost a lot of sleep! But it was worth it to help local business’ keep their employees on the books and their doors open. Also I just found out I that I had tendonitis in my foot, which has been a pain but I’m getting it healed now so I can get back out and continue walking.
At the end of the day I’m looking back and not really sure how well I did. I think I did decent. I did eat out for dinner tonight, so not the greatest start to day one, but I am trying which is the important thing. Like Master Yoda says though, Do or Do Not, there is no try. So I need to do better tomorrow. I think improving a little each day will be good but also hard. Habits don’t break overnight. But that’s enough for day one. Let’s see what day 2 brings and how I handle that!