Survivor Girl

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The Buddy System

This shit works. What’s wrong with people these days?


The cast of the movie is highly important. The friends you keep will be the life or death of you. You can take the stereotypical lineup and stay alive, but then everyone else is dead, and we both know that survivor’s guilt is no fun at all. You can also take a solid lineup of brawn and brain that complement each other, and then no one is dead because everyone has common sense. I don’t know about you, but plan B seems better to me. Don’t go anywhere alone, and make sure you follow the rules below.

Please, don’t take the class clown. Once things get real, they’re not needed anymore, and then their head gets chopped off or something. Poor kid.

Don’t take anyone whose sole purpose is to get wasted and bang hot chicks. Just, oh my god, don’t do it. Even people who have never seen a horror flick or read a Stephen King novel knows this rule.

If you’re all equally attractive, there’s no overly hot person you’ll want to save.

Guess what, take friends that don’t want to bang each other but still get along. Guys and girls CAN just be friends. If there’s no stereotypes to kill off, no one gets killed off.

Make sure the jock is nice and if possible, female. Directors are kind of sexist, and if your group defies stereotypes, they get confused.

I don’t know, don’t do drugs in weird places? It’s good to keep your mind clear when things get scary.
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