It had been two weeks after the incident and all I could do was sob in bed, skip meals, sleep, bath and cry harder. Class was non-existence at this point and my emotions were leading the way. I had been in bed the whole day I didn't realize it was night already. Vera poked her head in the room briefly scanning till her eyes landed on me. She muttered to someone outside to come in and it was Blake. I buried my head into my pillow refusing to meet his eyes. A second after I felt the bed dip beside me and his hand slowly raised my head
"Is this you?" a very good question to ask a broken-hearted girl! I thought glaring hard at him.
"The way you are looking at me; it seems you want to kill me. Please don't.
But honestly speaking, you look cute"
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion simultaneously making my lower lip pout. A smile crept my face seconds after.
"So you still won't tell let me see his picture?" I shook my head in response. I mean what's the use now? I shifted a little making space for him, I gently tapped on the sides motioning him to sleep beside me. I just realized how I missed him, our movie nights, nagging and unprofitable long talks. I missed my best friend.
"You want me to sleep in bed?" I nodded in response as he gladly complied pulling me closer to him in the process. My head was positioned on his chest as his on top of my head.
"I missed you, please came back, we all missed you" he muttered and I knew I had to get over whatever and live. I had done enough of skipping classes and I knew Dad would freak if he found out.
"I'm hungry" he bent a little, and I saw the big smile.
"what would you eat?"
"I don't know" I muttered feeling the need to be pampered.
"Rice, kenkey, yam, indomie, what?"
"I don't know, just get us something whilst I go wash up and we could watch a movie together"
"Sounds good" we both jumped from bed in different direction.
"Oh I see someone has resurrected" Vera said eyeing me
"Yes and I feel the need to eat my sorrow away, I can't believe I skipped two weeks of gym, gosh my money!"
"Well good thing you catch up on studies else say a big bye to your beautiful grades!"
"Yeah, thank you for lending me your notes."
After my shower Blake was already seated with our food and extra sweets. I jumped in bed with him letting my stomach savor everything.
It was a Wednesday and I had a sociology class, Naa, Vera and I left our rooms to the bus stop talking about everything but Felix, today being the first I was going to class after everything I knew they wanted to have the pep talk with me but I swerved trying my possible best not to go any close to the topic. I had already psych myself up.
We were 5 minutes early. taking our usual seat, a lady in front of us turned to me with a huge smile on her face who I latter recognized as one of the punctual student in class.
"Hey, were you feeling sick or something? I hadn't seen you for some weeks now"
"I was not well, thanks for asking" I replied returning her smile.
"Then I'm glad you're back now" I didn't know people noticed my absence.
"A lot of people asked about you" Vera voiced out. The lecturer walked in with his T.A ready to start on with lecturing us but before I could focus I took a quick look over my shoulders where Felix sat most of the time. Our eyes locked for a second before I turned to face the lecturer. That was a first. I muttered taking out my notes and a pen.
"Are you going to the hostel?" I asked Vera as we sat still in our seats waiting for the crowd to leave the LT before following suit.
"I don't think so"
"Why? Where to?"
"I am meeting Akins" and sometimes I just thought she needed much attention!
"Why Akins! Like doesn't he know you're dating or something? The guy is always on your tail and you seem to tolerate him"
"Now I can't have male friends?" I shook my head disapproving with her
"Whatever, don't say I didn't warn you!" I retorted knowing too well my threat had no effect.
It was almost empty when we took our bags to leave. My eyes scanned the hall only to land on their intertwined hand.
My heart suddenly stilled whelming up with anger with every second I spent looking at them. I realized my heart shattered dreading into pieces. I could barely bare the sight as I watched him hold hands with another girl. My ray of light was dimmed. Lilly's smile triggered my every being to break her neck! Heck my knuckles were hurting from my clenched hands.
"Cleo?" Vera called out pulling me from the trance. "He's not worth it okay?" I turned to both Vera and Naa as their face held pity for me.
"Fine" I muttered. Taking a deep breath, I cast one last look at them- Cleo just let them be, they're not worth the time! I kept reminding myself but my other half was too eager to do something.
He has no right to flaunt it in your face! For Pete sake Cleo he could have waited a little while! That's it!
I strode over to them, my heart throbbing hard in my chest. I stood facing them both.
"I guess you're happy now, controlling someone's emotions in your favor" I smiled bitterly at her.
"I hope you are glad you got what you wanted with a snap of fingers. Just because you know how he feels about you doesn't give you the right to have him whenever you feel the need to, especially at the expense of one's happiness.
If I remember correctly Lilly, you denied a couple of times you felt something for him! So why now huh? You suddenly wake up and what- you have feelings for him? What changed in the space of 3weeks! Did he suddenly get handsome or you got jealous he spent less or no time around you? And you Felix, I hope she's worth it"
"Cleo, it's okay, let's go" Vera whispered to me slightly tagging on my arms. I turned to leave before a tear rolled down my cheeks.
"Was it that bad?" I asked Vera who seemed to be staring at me for some minutes' now
"So which part of they are not worth it didn't you understand?"
"I'm sorry, I just couldn't help it! They were practically flaunting their relationship like that didn't affect me! Vera I love the guy; the least he could do is give me time to adjust"
"This is why I am saying he's not worth it, maybe he is not the one for you Cleo. Maybe this is a sign"
"Yea like the sign you told me about before I confessed my feelings to him?"
"Well- that was then, just try not to do that again, he doesn't have to know he still has an effect on you. at least there was no crowd when you went all lioness on him"
I felt flat on my bed partly regretting what I did. Tossing in bed for almost an hour, I deiced to do the one thing to feel better, call my best friend.
"Hello" Blake sounded at the other end of the phone.
"Blake, I did something bad" I whined
"Come over please? I feel really bad!"
"Just tell me" he stretched
"Not on the phone"
"I'm doing something at the moment so after I'm done okay?"
"fine! I will be waiting, come quickly!" I yelled the last part before hanging up.
In the next 20 minutes Blake and I sat opposite each other with folded legs as he tried to justify my actions.
"But you said there were less people during that time right?" he questioned for the fourth time.
"But nothing, just forget it. He must be sleeping on her laps this minute whilst you're eating yourself up about nothing." The thought of that made me feel stupid.
"I don't know; can you just pamper me? Or make me feel better?" I questioned feeling hopeless, I did something I thought I'd never do, argue over a guy. And now the world knows me for this. Not only guilt but the sadness in my heart, the thought that nothing could ever get better was the dead end for me.
"Hey, c'mon don't cry over this, I told you there's nothing to worry about. People make mistakes and it is alright to feel down but you'll get better I promise"
"Yes. Come here" I scouted closer to him resting my head on his chest. his body warmth engulfed me and for a brief second the memory of Felix taking his position came rushing back. A bigger part of me wanted to play the big girl, try to move on from everything but that tiny vulnerable side missed him, wanted to feel his warmth one last time and his hot trialing kisses. Thinking of this made me happy yet angry and sad.
I tilted my head a little to the other side slightly brushing my lips on his chin. Blake's eyes shot at me halting my movement. his eyes flicked to my lips before meeting my eyes.
We stared into each other's eyes like it was some sort of art show, I knew I wanted to slam my lips on his but my intentions were not justified. Maybe I missed the feel of Felix's lips on mine but the thought of using Blake felt bad and God knows I wanted no rebound.
Something I learnt the hard way after Edwin's departure. Smiling briefly at him, I sank deeper into his chest getting lost in the memory of the guy I love.