Does Hair Have to Grow There?

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Chapter 10: Why am I running half naked in urgent care?

So, you giggled at the bat story and thought it was over right? Wrong!

Let us continue: The Health department called the next day at around 5:30pm. The lady on the other end of the phone line was nervous. Her voice shook as she asked to speak to me. It continued to shake throughout her introduction and reason for the call. The bat was tested and it had rabies..

GTFOH...

The choices were given to me slowly. I am quite sure she was more nervous than I. Why is this lady’s voice shaking, I thought.

“You have a few choices on how to proceed.” she began.

“Choice A is to do nothing. You can assume that the bat didn’t bite or scratch you.” she stated. I began to shift in my seat as I remembered that night. Do I really know how long that bat was in my room? I didn’t wake up until it hit the ceiling fan light.

“If rabies symptoms show, it will be too late to treat. You should know that almost 100% human rabies victims die. There isn’t a test verifying the presence of rabies in humans. “ she said flatly.

“Choice B is to get vaccinated.” she continued.

Shots will hurt but not as much as say, death. She basically gave me some Russian Roulette type options. Cross your fingers and if you are wrong...

My job is all about risk evaluation and management. Here, I didn’t have to do any risk evaluations. There is no option. Choice B it is..

The lady seemed relieved by my decision. Since I have asthma, they have to determine if I’ll have any issues or complications. One of the side effects of the vaccine is hives. I am very familiar with hives. I break out in hives if I come into contact / consume certain foods.

(Mental note, get your damn epi pen prescription updated.)

Three nervous days later, I found myself in the ER ready to get my shots. My ER nurses, doctors and staff were all friendly enough during my tragedy. Believe it or not, I had everyone in the ER laughing. Let’s just say I took a different approach to my visit. Rabies isn’t funny but the fact that I am 100% punk about shots is..

I ignored all of this laughter, as my mission was to get out of here ASAP.

The ER staff had to determine the amount of vaccine by using my weight in some formula. Great. All these years of bragging about all this booty… Today, I have to receive EIGHT shots (one in each: upper arm, thigh, leg, and in each booty cheek). Then, four rounds of shots taken one week apart at a local urgent care. That’s correct, a total of TWELVE SHOTS.

“EIGHT SHOTS?” I exclaimed. “You gotta be kidding me!” At this point, it didn’t even register that I needed four more shots at a later date. I spent all this money and time around bat location and bat remediation home repair. Now this bat wants a pound of flesh. I really hate you now.

The ER Nurse began to prepare her station as I told her my demands.

“Look, I can’t stand needles…” I confessed. “We need to do this quickly.”

She looked at me. “What do you mean quickly?” Her blank look made me realize this was the first time she had received such a request.

“You have to give me eight shots? Do them one after the other and don’t stop” I stated.

She finally understood. She opened all of the needles and carefully filled each with the vaccine. She looked at my outfit. I was wearing my work clothes: a pink sleeveless blouse and skirt with heels.

“You need to remove everything but your blouse. This includes underwear.” the nurse commented and went back to her set up activities.

I removed everything as she asked and got myself mentally prepared. My bare feet were on the cold floor.

Don’t be a child. Don’t be a child. Take these shots like a woman, I thought.

It was time. ER nurse asked if I was ready. I braced myself.

“I’m ready” I winced at the future pain I was to receive.

Shot #1 - in the left arm completed. Tears formed in the back of my eyes as I received the injection.

Shot #2 - in the right arm completed. The nurse noticed I wasn’t breathing. Who needs air when you are being poked like a human pinata?

Shot #3 - in the right thigh, completed. My whole body felt numb. I am going to pass out on this cold floor. Tears welled up and I tried with all my might to hold them back. This plan isn’t working and

Interrupted by Shot #4 - left thigh completed. I lost track and I am being assaulted. This is all that dame bat’s fault. He probably didn’t even touch me but now I am feeling his pain. I hate him with a passion now. Someone needs to find him in that bat colony they sent him to because I wanna shot him. In the head.

Shot #5 - booty cheek.

“STOP!” I screamed. I couldn’t take it. Let the rabies get me, this is torture.

I looked at myself. The nurse was slapping bandaids on immediately after the shot but there seemed to be blood everywhere draining from the assault sites. I looked down to find blood on my blouse.

Oh No! I thought. I took off down the hall. I was running top speed passing patients in wheelchairs, doctors and other nurses.

“Where’s the bathroom??” I demanded. “I need a bathroom!”

Some maintenance guy who saw the commotion I was making pointed to a nearby door smiling. I ran in.

The ER nurse giving me the shots came to the bathroom and quietly knocked on the door.

“Are you alright?” she asked. I opened the door with cold water running in the sink. I had successfully gotten all the blood out of my blouse.

“Are you alright?” she repeated.

“Yes, sorry this is my favorite blouse” I said.

“Uh, you do know you just ran down the hall right?” ER nurse questioned with concern in her voice.

“Of course I did. I wasn’t about to allow stains on THIS blouse. I should have packed some sweats or something.”

The nurse looked at me. Her head slightly tilted, she motioned toward my legs. I looked down to determine what she was looking at. Maybe I missed a spot?

“You know you don’t have on any clothes right?”

My face turned red. At least it would have turned red if it weren’t for my chocolate brown skin tone. I peeked down the hallway. Everyone I passed was giggling and pointing. Apparently, everyone saw my naked butt flying down the hallway.

“Don’t worry girl, this isn’t the first time a naked person was flying down that hallway”.

I spent a total of four hours in the ER that day. I got the rest of my shots and took my sore self home. After the waiting period (to determine the presence of side effects), I received four more shots at the local urgent care.

My butt and thighs were sore for weeks afterwards.

#DamnBat

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