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Why do some of my dates make the Top Ten Worst Dates Ever?

Chapter 12: Why do some of my dates make Top 10 Worst Ever?

I am probably the most adventurous person you will know when it comes to dating. You see, I believe that great people can possess many different backgrounds and attributes. This means, I have some of the most interesting dates. I have dated everyone from men in the C-suite to the men who clean the floors. Men who have Ph.Ds behind their names and men who got their education in the streets. I believe I am comfortable doing this because I came from such a humble background. Additionally, as I grew I met tons of people on my journey to become more educated. I met even more as my job moved from hourly to salaried.

With this parade of different men came all sorts of personalities, beliefs and requirements. I believe some of these differences put my dates squarely on the top ten (10) worst ever list.

So without further adieu, let’s get started:

Number 10: I met a guy online and before we could date he sent me this text message. I know, it may seem petty to drop a guy because of one text but… well, look at the text:

“I wish you where all mines”

No, I didn’t mistype or misspell this one. That was the actual text.

On to #9...

Number 9: I met a man who said he was single for a few years and we had a lot in common. During a conversation with this gem, I asked him how many kids he had. He said he had four total. I asked the ages. He said: 5, 3, 1, and one on the way.

Yes, his last hookup / girlfriend / ex was currently pregnant.

I started to understand why the topic of sex came so early in the conversation. And he asked for it too many times and when I wouldn’t comply even hit me with the prom queen promise - just the tip.

My man, that is how you got 5, 3, 1 and one on the way...

Number 8: Next guy and I were only talking for a few months when he finally got around to asking me if I wanted children. I said “no, but I am comfortable if you have them”.

He proceeded to curse at me that I was “sinning against God by refusing to procreate, which is your duty on Earth”.


Number 7: While we are sinning… Lucky number seven and I actually went on several dates. One day, while chatting on the phone, my doorbell rang. It was in the middle of the day and Number 7 was curious.

“Who is at your door?” Number 7 said.

“Oh, it’s just the cleaning crew.” I stated, slightly annoyed by the question.

“Bitch! What the f- do you have a cleaning crew come to clean your house, that is your job!” he yelled.

Number 6: I actually dated this guy for over six months and it was time to start talking about starting an exclusive relationship & if we wanted to have sexy fun. He asked me how often I preferred to interact in that way. When I told him more than once a week he instantly called me a nymphomaniac.

“Once a week is all that is needed, anything more is for nymphos” he said.

Number 5: Number 5 took me to a fancy (read very expensive) restaurant on our very first date. I believe this was his way of letting me know, this is how he likes to treat his women.

During dinner, he proceeded to inform me that his expectation was for his woman to wear high heels and sexy dresses every time we go out. Additionally, he felt women should be seen and not heard.

I took my loud mouth ass home that night. Immediately.

Number 4: Didn’t get to be a real date. I met this winner through a mutual friend who thought we would be “perfect” together. I admit, our phone calls were filled with laughter and we did have a lot in common.

We met in a park since we hadn’t seen each other before. Our plan was to go out on a date if everything went well. I parked my car next to his and he rolled out of his car. Yes, rolled. When he stood up, I noticed he wasn’t 100% truthful about his height. Nor weight. He was wearing a dirty tank top and basketball shorts which (in my opinion) had too many designs on them for the wearer to be in his 40s.

He immediately began discussing the fact that he had not eaten and had been running errands all day. He confessed that he didn’t want to smell like onion rings when we first met then went to his car to retrieve his “lunch”. He opened the styrofoam dinner ‘to-go’ container which was filled with fried onion rings smothered in ketchup. He offered me one and shrugged when I declined. He began devouring these onion rings. Fried onion ring crumbs were flying everywhere, landing on his arm and tank top. He began interrogating me around why I didn’t want to eat his onion rings. HE challenged me stating I was scared and needed to learn to live more.

“What are you worried about having a heart attack?” he demanded.

“Not really.” I started. “I am just trying to limit my fried food intake.”

“That’s your problem, you need to stop being so uptight. How else can you be happy if you can’t eat whatever you want?” he questioned.

I guess there is no happiness without fried foods...

Number 3: Number 3seems to be a number of guys lately, sorry to say. In general, either before we date or when we are dating a decision is made that I am too intimidating. It is usually directly after they ask me what I do for a living. I guess since I have so many hustles going on, it may seem I am unfocused when it comes to allocating time to relationships. I believe it maybe because I am very different. I am not settled with just working a 9 to 5 (traditional job) and want to live a fulfilled life which means, perhaps, I have too much going on.

Thank goodness, some of my more enterprising guy friends don’t feel that way and are super supportive!

Number 2: This is my favorite worst. We don’t need to share a story here. We have all met Number 2. He is gorgeous, sweet, caring… a total package. After much conversation, he reveals he is ‘separated’ from his wife, still married or ‘in process of being divorced’. No judgement if this situation is for you, just not for me.

And finally the Number 1 or worst date ever goes to: Oh I hated that this guy got the award for the worst. I thought he had such potential. Sweetest man you would ever meet. He had recently lost 80-100 pounds and had about that much to go but he was nice. We could talk on the phone for hours.

We went on our second date to grab a bite to eat. Number 1 ordered: a bowl of chili, 12 chicken wings soaked in ranch, a full loaf of cheese garlic bread, a double bacon cheeseburger, a large order of french fries, two large fruit punch drinks and a side salad with light dressing (because he is on a diet, he said).

The waiter was nice and took our order and went to the kitchen. As soon as the waiter was out of hearing range, Number 1 began to call him homophobic slurs and talk about how he hated “those people”. He went on to tell me his experiences with “those people” and spewed all sorts of intolerance. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

Hate is wrong no matter who it is directed towards.

You may be thinking: “Why did she post her top ten worst, we all have bad dates!”

I agree. I wanted you all to know that we are not alone when we have these awful dates, or bad experiences (i.e. this entire book). Instead of being upset for a very long time, why not laugh and move on?

Hidden positive message over. :)

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