Chapter 13: Finale: That’s Enough.
I am ending this ridiculous book right here. That is enough for one sitting. Yes, if you are asking, I have more crazy mess that has happened to me. Maybe, if there is enough interest, I will write a volume two.
Of the twelve chapters of nonsense you just sat through, I will share with you my twelve lessons learned. You might as well get something out of spending these hours with me reliving portions of my past. Here are my 12 life lessons:
Be grateful your hair is growing anywhere because one day it may stop.
Categorizing any career as filled with beautiful men is an outright lie. Period. If you find a beautiful man in uniform, hold on to him tightly. He is a unicorn!
You can meet a loser date anywhere. They aren’t limited to online.
Threesomes should not be planned, they should just happen. And if you do decide to partake, lock up your sexy toys, or else.
I am happy to report that what happened to me in Chicago is unlikely to happen again. Thanks technology!
Jousting is for professionals. And children. And athletes. And normal people. Basically everyone but me.
You will not go directly to hell for participating in scandalous activities.
Look before you swing. Always look before you swing.
Make sure you hire someone to inspect the attic before buying a house. Anything could be living in there including a colony of bats.
Don’t get bit by animals carrying rabies or other diseases. And don’t run naked down hallways unless there are some dollars being thrown at you. (Shake it!)
Jury duty is an honor that should be taken seriously. Don’t try to get out of jury duty like Juror #37. You may go to jail.
Dating is hard. I give it two out of five stars.
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