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Fairy Tale Madness: The Frog Prince Story

By Emma R All Rights Reserved ©

Children / Humor

Act 1 Scene 1

Act 1, Scene 1

(Froggie Narrator walks onto stage with curtains closed. Begins to sort bugs into piles.)

Froggie Narrator:

(Singing to the old camp song “Three Little Speckled Frog”)

One little Speckled frog,

Sitting on a speckled log,

Eating the most delicious bugs,

Yum! Yum!

He jumped into the pool,

Where it was nice and cool,

Now there are no spec – (looks at audience) where the heck did you come from!?!  Didn’t you ever hear that it’s not nice to sneak up on a frog while he’s working? You almost made me croak! What do you want anyway? Wait … are you here for my bugs? Well get your own! I worked hard to get these and I’m not giving them up for a bunch of cross eyed two leggers!

(Stage Hand runs onstage and whispers into Froggie Narrator’s ear.)

Froggie Narrator:

  What? … Really? … Are you sure? Wow, I’m sorry about that! I didn’t realize that you are the audience! I guess you came to hear me tell you a story right? I’m pretty sure that I put a memo somewhere around here. (Takes out lily pad) Oh here it is. Story telling at *time of performance*. Audience, check; Froggie Narrator, Check; Story … well let’s get hopping. Um … where to start? Let me think … oh I know the title! So the title of my story is “Fairytale Madness: The Frog Prince Story.” Hey I saw that! You there in the second row, I saw you rolling your eyes! Well let me tell you this is no ordinary Frog Prince Story. This is my Frog Prince Story. Yeah … (looks at checklist) so you know the title, and you know I am the awesome, amazing, and fabulous narrator. And if you didn’t know it before, now you do. Now … what is that phrase that they use? Oh yeah, Once Upon a Time.

(Curtains open on a meadow edge. You can see a pond and apple tree)

  So, once upon a time in a meadow very much like this one. (Stage Hand runs in and whispers in ear.) Oh, thank you. It was this meadow. So in this very meadow on a day very much like this one, (Stage Hand runs halfway to Froggie Narrator) alright, alright I get it. On this very day right? (Stage Hand gives thumbs up and runs off) So anyway, in this very meadow on this very day Prince Fredrick and his servant Tom came this way.

(Hear sound of Horse trotting offstage. Enter Prince and Servant)

Prince Fredrick:

  Ah, what a perfect place to have my picnic! Look it has a little pond and a tree. Oh and look at that view of my castle! You know Bob; we would have been here a lot sooner if not for that road delay. I mean who would have thought that a stray snake could cause a three horse pile up? Bob remind me to get someone from pest control on that. And I tell you Bob; someone had better hurry up and invent a traffic light!

Servant (Tom):

  It’s Tom sir. (Starts unloading basket) Did you just say “traffic light”?

Prince Fredrick:

  That’s right Bob, a traffic light! Imagine how much simpler our lives would be if we had them. (Stares off into distance)

Servant (Tom): Do you even know what a traffic light is?

Prince Fredrick:

  No clue. Now lay out our picnic. No not there you fool! Do you want me to get sunburn? Put it over near the tree.

Servant (Tom):

  Is that good my lord?

Prince Fredrick:

  No, no. That is too near the tree. Any number of bugs could drop down and bite me. Who knows what kind of horrible disease they might have? No, bring it a little more this way, alright now more toward the pond. Careful you idiot! Don’t get the blanket wet.

Froggie Narrator:

  So after much struggle and direction the prince was finally satisfied. And they settled down for their picnic.

Prince Fredrick:

  Ah. Isn’t it a perfect day, Bob?

Servant (Tom):

  (Passing out food) It’s Tom sir.

Prince Fredrick:

  The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and a frog is narrating. I tell you Bob, it doesn’t get much better than this. Hand me a napkin will you Bob.

Servant (Tom):

  My name is … Oh forget it. Here is your napkin sir.

Prince Fredrick:

  Thanks Bob. You know this place is so peaceful, so relaxing. I’m glad that I live here. (Little Red Riding Hood walks in humming and starts to pick flowers) It is so … peaceful and … and … Excuse me are you lost?

Little Red Riding Hood: (Chipper and sweet)

  Oh no. I’m not lost. I’m on my way to grandmother’s house with this basket of cookies. Well at least I was till that wolf suggested that I get her a bouquet of flowers. Wasn’t that thoughtful?

Prince Fredrick:

  Well you know you are in the wrong story right?

Froggie Narrator:

  Yeah. And besides, if I know my fairytales correctly, he only told you that so that he could take the shortcut and get to grandmas first so he could eat her. So you could just leave those cookies with me and I’ll a …

Little Red Riding Hood:

  WHAT?!?!?! Hold on grandma, I’m coming! Taxi! TAXI!!! (Runs offstage the same way she entered)

Froggie Narrator:

  Do you think I should have told her that the wolf gets his just desserts?

Servant (Tom):

  No. She probably would have thought you were talking about her. (Both laugh)

Froggie Narrator:

  Sorry about the interruption folks. That’s what happens when you do a live story telling. Everyone wants a piece of the action. So anyway, back to the story. I think this is where she walks in.

(Little Red Riding Hood pokes her head out and points to herself)

  No not you! I’m talking about the villain of the story, Vivian. (Sinister music, lightning and thunder) She’s pure evil. Vivian (sinister music) should enter right … about … now.

(Enter Vivian, in a beautiful dress smelling a rose, everyone on stage looks at Froggie Narrator in disbelief)

  Really! She is pure evil. Just wait, you’ll see.

Prince Fredrick:

  Ho there fair lady, what are you doing here? This is a private picnic, only the prince, that’s me, and my servant Bob are allowed to be here. Who are you anyway?  Don’t believe I have seen you around the kingdom before.

Vivian:

  Ho good prince! I am Lady Vivian. (Sinister music) And I didn’t mean to intrude on your picnic. I was just wondering around the forest feeding the wildlife. But, silly me, I seemed to have fed all my food to the animals.

Froggie Narrator:

  See how cunning she is? You don’t get it do you? Just keep watching.

Prince Fredrick:

  Well, I guess you could have a sandwich or something. Uh Bob, get a sandwich for Lady Vivian.  (Sinister music) No not the baloney, the one with mustard. I hate mustard.

Vivian:

  Oh you are too kind your highness. To share your royal food with you is just too much for someone as lowly as me. I am a simple girl and do not deserve such an honor as this. I should be on my way and beg from someone of less importance.

Prince Fredrick:

  Well if you insist. Put the sandwich away Bob.

Vivian:

  Then again one doesn’t get to dine with the prince every day. I would be happy to share a meal with you.

Servant (Tom):

  But you just said …

Vivian:

  (In a matter of fact tone) Forget what I said and hand me a sandwich.

Froggie Narrator:

  Alright, she doesn’t seem bad now. But she is bad, really bad. Well this sucker of a prince ate with her. And they talked, and joked, and in her case flirted. (Prince and Vivian playing patty cake or red hands in the background) This goes on all afternoon …

Servant (Tom):

  You mean I have to deal with this all afternoon?!?

Froggie Narrator:

  Yep, sorry about that but that is the way the cookie crumbles.

Servant (Tom):

  Oh speaking of which … cookie?

Froggie Narrator:

Not at the moment, I’m narrating. Well, when the food was done the prince decided to leave. (Whispers) This is when you see how evil Vivian (music) truly is.

Prince Fredrick:

  Ahh that was a fine meal. Bob, remind me to thank the cook. Although the bread was too dry, (Think a moment) and the juice was too sweet, and the apple too red. Never mind, Bob remind me to fire the cook. (Turns to leave) Oh I’m so terribly sorry my lady I forgot to say goodbye. Maybe I’ll see you again, or perhaps you will see me in one of my many parades. Or maybe not … who knows? Well we must be off.

Vivian:

  Oh please your highness, don’t go! I’ve gotten to know you quite well in the past few minutes. I’ve gotten to know you and even love you. Please your highness will you marry me?

Prince Fredrick:

  Marry you! (Laughs) Did you hear that Bob? She wants me to marry her!

Servant (Tom):

  Well why not? She is pretty enough.

Prince Fredrick:

  Pretty?! She isn’t pretty, look at her! She’s hideous. Her nose is too long and her eyebrows too bushy. She has a slight overbite and her lips aren’t pouty enough, oh and care to notice her eyes.

Servant (Tom):

  What about her eyes?

Vivian:

  They are lovely!

Prince Fredrick:

  No, no. Your eyes are too close together, and your hair is just repulsive. Plus, you are half a centimeter taller than me.

Vivian:

  I am not!

Prince Fredrick:

  You are so, I’ll prove it. Bob get a ruler! Although, you might only be taller than me because of those ridiculous shoes you’re wearing.

Vivian:

  That’s it sir, I have tried to be patient with you. But unfortunately you are too picky and selfish!

Servant (Tom):

  You can’t talk to the prince that way. He’s the prince and as such …

Vivian:

  Oh shut up!

(Sparks fly from fingers and servant faints)

And now for you princey! I’ll turn you into something so horrible, so nasty that next time you’ll think twice about judging someone by appearances. But what? What? I know! I’ll turn you into a beast!

(Raises arms and opens mouth like she is about to cast a spell)

Froggie Narrator:

  You can’t do that!

Vivian:

  And why not?

Froggie Narrator:

  Well for one thing this story is called the “Frog Prince”, not the “Beast Prince”. And for another that has already been done.

Vivian:

  It’s already been done? Are you sure?

Froggie Narrator:

  Positive.

Vivian:

  Well, I don’t want to copy someone else’s work. (To self) Although it was the only reason that I made it through High School. So what shall I turn him into?

Prince Fredrick:

  You could turn me into a swan, or a peacock?

Vivian:

  Silence! What did you say before? Oh yes, a frog. A frog will be perfect because they are slimy, horrible, and nasty.

Froggie Narrator:

  Hey!

Vivian:

  Yes a frog will be perfect. In fact I’ll cast three spells on you. (Zaps and prince faints) To start with, when you wake up you shall be a frog. (Swirls hands, prince twitches) Next! So you can’t just hop to East Avenue and get squished you will never die. (Swirls hands, prince twitches) And finally! (Prince twitches) I haven’t cast a spell on you yet. And finally! (Prince twitches) Hold Still! And finally, you won’t be able to tell anyone you are under a spell or that I’m a witch. (Swirls hands) Okay now you twitch. (Swirls hands, kicks princes boot, prince twitches, servant wakes up.) There. (To servant) You work at the castle don’t you? Good, I will marry you. (Helps him up) That is an order not a request. (Starts to leave arm in arm)

Froggie Narrator:

  Wait! You forgot something!

Vivian:

  Oh what is it now?

Froggie Narrator:

  You forgot to say how to lift the curse. You know, “The spell will only be lifted when yada yada ya.”

Vivian:

  And why would I do that?

Froggie Narrator:

  Um … I don’t know … Maybe so there’s a plot!?

Vivian:

  Fine, fine. The spell will be lifted only when a fair maiden of noble birth kisses you. There happy? Now if you will excuse me I have to go get married. (Vivian and Servant exit)

(Curtains close)

Froggie Narrator:

  Vivian (music) was true to her word. The next morning the prince woke up to find that he was indeed a frog. (Prince screams from behind curtain) Uh … now I have to go find a girl who would be willing to kiss a frog. Heaven help me. (Exit behind curtain)


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Chapters
1. Act 1 Scene 1
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