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Over There

By SonofPaddy All Rights Reserved ©

Other / Humor

It Ain't Just the Postman Who Always Rings Twice

Okay, pal, so listen. It’s early evening and I’m on my own in Philip Symington-Fawcett-Smythe’s big house in London – and that’s London, England, not California or Arkansas or Kentucky; not Minnesota, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas, West Virginia, the atoll of Kivitimati, Ontario or any other goddamn place that happens to be called London. You understand?

I’d been out all afternoon and when I got back there was a note from my girlfriend to say she’d gone off to some club for a special shoot. She said she hoped to be home around nine but if things didn’t work out and she was late then not to wait up because she had her key. She’d signed the note ‘with love’ the way she always did. Addressed to me and in her handwriting, the word ‘love’ made me feel better about most anything you could name.

I was happy. I figured we might get to eat dinner together that night, which we hadn’t since I’d moved to her brother’s place. I made myself a sandwich so as to leave room for whatever I might be eating later, got a beer to go with the sandwich and took everything in on a tray to watch TV. I wanted to catch Sylvia Forsyth, a talk show, kind of lewd and crude but about the only thing on British television I could take.

The show had gone off the air a while before, some said due to pressure from the government. The official reason was that Sylvia was ‘indisposed’. Whatever, she was back and about to get her hooks into the Bishop of Brentford when somebody hit the doorbell. I ignored it, but whoever it was rang again, long and loud.

When I opened the door there was this dame standing there. She looked a lot like Loretta Young and was wearing the kind of two-piece number Ingrid Bergman has on in Spellbound. There was a mess of stuff on the sidewalk behind her: suitcases, bags, boxes. Plus the cabby - one mean-looking SOB, big, serious facial hair- was waiting around too, like she hadn’t paid him yet.

I thought I had it figured right off. See, three doors along the row was the headquarters of some oddball religious group. The Loretta Young look-alike standing in front of me had to be one of the - whatever-they-were. Obviously she was foreign. Obviously she had the wrong house. Obviously she didn’t speak any kind of English. It had happened before. I said to the cabby, “I think the lady needs the place further down: the one with the brass plate on the railing.”

There was only one thing wrong with how I’d sized things up: the cabby had no cab. I guess I would have gotten around to noticing this in a little while but before that Loretta Young pipes up in this heavy duty accent - I’m thinking Scottish or maybe Irish - that the place she wants is the place she’s standing out in front of.

“I wish to speak to Mr. Symington-Fawcett-Smythe,” she says, “or failing that to a certain H. Thiesmayer, who signed and may actually have composed this letter.”

And there it was, right in front of my face, the letter I’d written about a book I’d liked, The Jungle Gym. My life was about to change – again; and not for the better – again.

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Further Recommendations

vane 3071: This book taught me so much and I even began to think, no wait know, it's important that people of all ages learn more about it. I may only be 14 but all we've always been told is that there the "special kids" that they have "issues", basically that they weren't normal. If we were to associate wi...

EnigmaticGeek: I have only read one chapter and so far I'm loving it! It's an amazing book. I usually lose interest in books easily, but this one captivated me. I am loving the writing style..........it's not melodramatic. It's simple..but very interesting. I am loving the characters. The author deserves a thu...

William Elliott Kern: Hey Lauren, enjoyed reading your book. Your story content and plot blend beautifully, with a few exceptions. think about describing your Characters, their surroundings, the location surroundings and such. But don't fret.........your work is really great and a few changes are normal. Keep writ...

Hayley: Beautiful story that has been well written. Something I will definitely read again. I loved how you could feel the tension between them and I loved the ending because It left it open to our imagination. I look forward to seeing to reading further stories by the same author.

jaydenmatheny: it I absolutely amazing on if the best books I have personally read❤ I highly recommend this to anyone 13+ back to my point I love this book and there should definitely be a second I would most likely but this book if I ever saw it in a store

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PersephanieBoyce: I was intrigued with the subject of this book from the snip it I read, and as I continued to read I felt like I was inside the characters brain. His thought processes, his memories, everything was so beautifully and forcefully made aware.The descriptions were vivid and detailed. At times, I did t...

emilia handy: THIS BOOK WAS JUST SO AMAZING?!?!!??! I couldnt make myself stop reading it. it had such amazing characters and an amazing plot twist. i suggest everybody should read this that likes humor as well as romance.

Deidre L. Swain: I understood where the story was going but the writing skills were lacking a lot. There are some places that had no flow. The plot was good which is what kept me reading the whole story. I think the author shows promise. They just need to tighten up on their skills to really get it going

AASTHA SHARMA: really...one of the best novel i've ever read...a very touching story....really loved it...thanks for writing such a masterpeice...the struggle of the narrator but still remaining satisfied is the thing that i liked the most...another nice thing is the concept of talking with god...in short i wou...

deee_ro: Read this book in a couple of sittings and have kept it!!! Not one to read books again, but the story, the atmosphere, the descriptions, the humour, all right up my Blackpool street. Very cleverly written, sets the scene from the start, love how you get to really know the characters, must've look...

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