I think that’s how you pronounce that word, anyway. Not easy with my cat tongue.
Many moons passed between our arrival at St Matthew’s Church, or Great Bramhall Hall. We had a good time catching whatever we could find, although our diet was getting boring after a while and Tabby needed more and more food. Once we got hold of a squirrel but Tabby had to get the better part.
Entertaining the woman asking us for tickets, who we learned was called Bella, wasn’t that fun for us, although she liked us enough to include all our tricks in her cat video. Also not fun was having my fur wounds seen to, although it did mean I didn’t suffer any serious illness whilst Tabby was still pregnant.
We heard that White-Bishop, the crow who could only fly diagonally, appeared on “Britain’s Got Animal Magic” throughout our stay; she finished fourth in the last show. We found this out only through a radio snippet, though, since the church was quiet apart from me, Tabby, Thelonius, Molly, and their four white kittens.
Missi ended up getting a suspended jail sentence for assault even though she’d never been in court before, despite the fact that it was that ape’s fault for pissing her off in the first place. She told me this when she came to visit us all in Bramhall.
As for all the humans I found along me way to Bramhall except Bella, I learnt during my stay that Charlotte, Emily, and Anne were later arrested in relation to the “diploma mill” and were charged with fraud. The trial continues, as they say. Colne Valley University closed down just before our kittens were born.
The bloke who’d got me out of that place and into Saddleworth was in fact just trying to steal from the campus. He was in fact on parole for burglary and is now back behind bars for breaking his parole conditions, by leaving the borough of Oldham. I neither know nor care what his name was.
I don’t know what happened to the other humans I met but I’m sure Joshua and Milo are still on the run. Luckily no-one who even looked like Joshua or Milo came near the old church grounds. Why would they?
Eventually, that time came for Tabby. On a rather cold night in the chapel, she bore me Ross, Rosie, Ruby and Rufus-two male kittens and two female kittens. As cute as they were, I didn’t like the fact that Tabby kept on asking me to deal with the kittens’ latest messes, or to keep watching them like a hawk so that they wouldn’t bother Snowy, Sophie, Stacey, or Sunny all the time.
I would like to thank in particular all the following individuals who helped me write this novel either directly or indirectly: Erica L, Giulia L, Kat B, Peter G, Simon J, and all the members of the Nottingham Writers’ Guild.
My knowledge of cat behaviour, cat habits , cat lifespans and things cats should avoid was acquired from a wide variety of online sources and anecdotes from the behaviour cats owned by friends of mine, and helped form a key part of the book’s structure and my fictional cat characters.
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