Their Sweet & Sordid Past
They met at a Tosco Powder Summer camp when their troop leaders left them alone to argue amongst themselves on whether John Travolta was sexier in Saturday Night Fever or Grease. Martha snuck off to enjoy a cigarette with her more mature friend Perrin when Harry walked over and introduced himself. After a short awkward exchange Martha ditched, “The Loser” and joined her friend back in their tent to talk about boys.
However, Harry was persistent; he followed Martha throughout the week offering her his desserts and juice during each meal, both of which Martha happily accepted. One thing that could always be said about the boy was that he was persistent and when Harry’s constant irritation eventually resulted in a kiss between the two under the large oak tree with the entire camp cheering them on, he had finally won his prize.
When their mother’s picked them up after the 2 week long love affair, the two promised to write each other; and they did.
They stayed pan pals until they were 18 years old and while Harry stayed true to his word about not being with any other women, Martha confessed to having “played the field, a bit.”
At the age of 20 they both went to St. Abernathy’s College in Brightside Wisconsin and after Martha had broken up with her boyfriend Mark, Harry promised her that he would never allow her to get hurt again. They were married by the age of 26 after much convincing from Harry.
They never had children, not because Harry didn’t want them but because Martha wasn’t sure that their children would be empirically beautiful based on their mutual families’ genetics, and feared that their children’s ugliness might reflect poorly on her. She never took his name either, but Harry didn’t care as he was happy to have the woman he had loved from a young age all to himself, life in his mind, was good.
When they were 31 they went on a vacation with their friends, or rather Martha’s friends, Paul and Regina which, on the whole, was no fun at all. Because of Martha’s restriction of certain foods and Regina’s pretentious attitude towards anything under 100 dollars a meal, he was forced to secretly cram his face full of crackers and wine at any wine tasting they were lucky enough to go on. As well as having generally nothing in common with Martha’s friends he often found himself off getting drunk with the locals and on two occasions found himself having a much better time alone than if he were with Martha. It was on the sixth day of their vacation that Harry after deciding not to go out and instead attempt to bond with Paul over their mutual respect for the game of pool walked back to his room and found Martha and Paul fornicating.
The depressing thing was that after the fact, all he could think of was, “I was really looking forward to playing a game of pool with Paul.” Martha apologized and promised she would never do it again, Harry eventually forgave her and after room service replaced their linen, they resumed their happy lives together. However much to his disdain Martha and Paul remained friend, Martha insisting that it be a constant reminder of a mistake she will never relive.
Life went on uneventfully once again, occasionally they played poker with their new friends and Harry focused all his energy on work. Their lives became perpetually duller and Harry feared that nothing would ever change the routine of his dreary life. That was until their 2nd honeymoon. At the age of 37, Harry and Martha decided that it was necessary to revitalize their relationship and would go on another vacation, however to Harry’s surprise, Martha threw a large party at their house instead and upon coming home from work was forcibly thrust into conversation with fake friends and work acquaintances. It wasn’t until much later that night when most of the guests were either in the pool or hot tub that Harry noticed the complete lack of his wife, he then went inside and entered the laundry room to find Martha and a friend of his from work Martin, in an act of mutual masturbation. Besides the heartbreak of seeing his Wisconsin Badgers 1993 commemorative towel being used to separate Martin’s ass from the cold steel of the dryer, Harry once again had only one thought, “I’ll need to find someone else to carpool with on Monday.”
Once again Martha apologized but this time blamed Harry for his lack of interest in the woman he once followed around for an entire week just for a kiss. Perhaps she was right, but Harry knew deep down that the pain her indiscretions had caused him would never entirely heal. Life went on once again as usual both living their lives in supposed happiness, that is, until today.